derbydan Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE SEASON “If you appear mashed, smashed or totally plastered you will not be allowed into tonight’s game.â€Â Heard on the tannoy outside the Wellington Phoenix versus Perth Glory A league match. “The staff at the car park have found a wallet (slight pause) it’s got about about £4,000 cash in it so…yeah….that would be great if you could claim that…â€Â At Plymouth v Coventry on Easter Saturday. “A substitution for Cheltenham means Elvis is leaving the building.â€Â Walsall announcer is all shook up by Elvis Hammond’s departure. “If anyone has found a grey Nokia mobile, please could they bring it to the club house, because I’ve lost it!â€Â Stadium announcer at Pontyclun Under 12/14 kids’ rugby tournament. “Will Mr ******* please go to the club office immediately, your wife is in labour you need to ring her, yeah.â€Â Heard at Rochdale v Darlington. “If anyone has a good knowledge of beetles - the insect, not the band - could they please make themselves known to us.â€Â Before the match between Eastbourne Borough and Burton Albion. “I’m a big fan of the Orient, but to be honest I prefer Pye Green Cantonese as they do a bostin’ Singapore fried rice.â€Â Walsall’s announcer during half-time against Leyton Orient. “Anyone caught without their cell phones on silent will be taken to UCLA’s nuclear biology department and tested on.â€Â At the Countrywide Classic tennis tournament in Los Angeles. “And a big round of applause for Hull City. Tottenham nil, Hull City one. Tottenham nil, Hull City one. Tottenham nil, Hull City one. Thank you very much.â€Â Chelsea announcer. “On loan from Tottenham so that he can feel what three points is like - Andy Barcham!â€Â Stadium announcer at Gillingham greets on-loan midfielder Andy Barcham from Spurs, who were bottom at the time. “Would the owner of the Vauxhall, registration number xxxxxx, please report to the nearest steward as you have left the handbrake off and it has rolled into the car behind you.â€Â Shortly afterwards…. “Would the owner of the Ford Fiesta, registration number xxxxxx, please also report to the nearest steward as yours is the one that has been hit.â€Â From the Wycombe Wanderers-Brentford game. “Scoring his first goal for Preston North End, Number 20, Ben Turner!â€Â After Coventry City defender Ben Turner scored an own goal at Deepdale. “It finishes Crawley Town 2, Woking 2. Be sure to tune in to the Blue Square Premier Review on Setanta next week to see how far offside Woking’s first goal was!â€Â Crawley stadium announcer. “To the linesman in front of the stand, your car has been stolen. Doenyone know the number for a cab firm?â€Â Announcement heard at Ilford FC. “Bolton v Blackburn today, oh the joy. Anyone got any spare paint to watch dry?â€Â (Later) “Half-time and it’s currently 0-0. Get ready to take out a loan for your pie and pint!â€Â Announcer at the Reebok Stadium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perky1106 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Originally posted by derbydan;17519 “Scoring his first goal for Preston North End, Number 20, Ben Turner!†After Coventry City defender Ben Turner scored an own goal at Deepdale. Simple but funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derbydan Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 “Bolton v Blackburn today, oh the joy. Anyone got any spare paint to watch dry?†(Later) “Half-time and it’s currently 0-0. Get ready to take out a loan for your pie and pint!†Announcer at the Reebok Stadium. I THINK THATS GOTTA BE THE BEST ONE LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicky-27 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 "It finishes Crawley Town 2, Woking 2. Be sure to tune in to the Blue Square Premier Review on Setanta next week to see how far offside Woking's first goal was!" Crawley stadium announcer. (Graeme Morton, UK). "For those fans travelling on the away supporters' coach, please be advised that it has broken down." Announcement at Aldershot v Dagenham and Redbridge, followed by loud cheers from the home support. (Katie, England). There was a streaker at Worcester County Cricket Ground last season. The PA announced "I'm very sorry for that small, AND I MEAN SMALL, interuption!" The Stenhousemuir PA announcer who looking upon a near empty ground said he would now announce the names of the crowd to the teams. "A text has come in from Leighton James. He apologises for what he said about Cardiff City and has asked that fans stop sending pizzas and taxis to his house at three in the morning. But Lee Trundle has been speaking to Leighton and has said feel free to send as many pizzas as you like to his house." Cardiff's stadium announcer tickles the Bluebirds faithful with tales of two former Swansea City favourites. "There is a no-smoking policy in all parts of the Layer Road ground. Anyone who is caught smoking will be taken away, strapped to an electric chair and electrocuted until they are dead. Thank you." Colchester announcer at half-time against Leicester. "There is a no-smoking policy at Layer Road. Anyone caught smoking will be taken to a darkened room, where they will be imprisoned for 27 hours and forced to listen to Will Young records for all of that time. Thank you." Colchester announcer tops his previous effort at half-time against Crystal Palace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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