vicky-27 Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 benitez handed £20m BENITEZ HANDED £20m TO PISS STRAIGHT UP A WALL LIVERPOOL coach Rafael Benitez was last night handed a £20m transfer budget to spend on one big-name signing or **** away on a collection of abject losers that you've never heard of. <div align='CENTER'>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/sweets Will Benitez just spend it all on lovely sweets? In the wake of a strong title challenge the club's owners want to reward the Anfield support with a range of exciting new faces for them to dismiss as utterly useless by mid-August. Benitez said: "The squad clearly needs several additions and there are some great prospects out there. However, I do also have my eye on a 300-foot-high mountain of penny chews." Despite successful signings such as Torres and Mascherano, Benitez was criticised in 2007 for paying £13m for a small lump of organic matter that, given 240 million years, may evolve into useful utility left-back. This followed his 2006 signing of Roy Of The Rovers, who, despite his numerous accolades and undoubted skill, was obviously a fictional character and therefore ineligible to play in the Champion's League. Sources suggest Benitez will spend the entire budget on Carlos Tevez and has already ordered a set of stout metal chains and a daily supply of steaming lumps of meat. The Liverpool boss has told friends he can end Manchester United's dominance by spending an enormous amount of money on a player they have deemed surplus to requirements for quite some time. But Benitez's plans may be thwarted by Manchester City, whose billionaire owners plan to buy every sentient creature on the planet in an audacious £74 billion swoop. City boss Mark Hughes said: "Once I control all the legs there are, I do think we've got a realistic chance of a top six finish." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perky1106 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Benitez has decided that all the teapots in Anfield's conferencing and banqueting facilities will be made with chocolate. http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2003/08/03/chocpot He's also chosen to invest in some official Liverpool FC magic beans. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_LUHJALsslac/RvwsW--U08I/AAAAAAAAB8I/o2QCzSviIV0/s320/2007_0927Thursday0001 He's decided to buy a new state-of-the-art £900,000 team bus. http://www.sim1.se/bilder/Dsc05445_Minibus2_VT He will be buying Mark Gonzales back for £10,000,000. http://c.wrzuta.pl/wi304/3f5f0efb002725dd461e4819/0/mark%20gonzalez Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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