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Chelsea v Liverpool


David

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2003: GOAL Chelsea 0-1 Liverpool (agg 2-3)

Lordy. Liverpool win a free-kick about 35 yards out on the right. It looks for all the world as if Fabio Aurelio is going to lift it into the box - but spotting a tempting gap, he shoots instead, making a scrambling Petr Cech look more than a touch foolish. One down, two to go for Liverpool.

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A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to

the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've

just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a

chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll

have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform

provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You

also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays.

The Salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"

The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"

What's long scouse and goes round corners ?

The dole queue

What do you say to a scouser with a job ?

Big mac please.

-------------------------------

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Originally posted by vicky-27;10188

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to

the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've

just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a

chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll

have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform

provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You

also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays.

The Salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"

The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"

What's long scouse and goes round corners ?

The dole queue

What do you say to a scouser with a job ?

Big mac please.

-------------------------------

Like 'em haha

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A scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living **** out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientèle stood silent and motionless.

Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:

Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?"

scouser: "Dunno, something about a 'job'."

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<div align='CENTER'>Scouser walks into the D.S.S. and says :-

"I've just been offered a Blow Job, If I take it will it affect my benefit claim?"

<div align='LEFT'>What do you call a scouser in a white sell suit ?

The bride

What do you call a scouser in a suit ?

The accused

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