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I'm a plonker!


Rev

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15 minutes ago, Stive Pesley said:

I was waiting for my fish chips and mushy peas in the cafe. The woman called my number, I went to the hatch.

Took the plate

In doing so, put my thumb in the mushy peas

Not a problem just went to lick the peas off my thumb

Smeared peas across the face mask I'd forgotten I was wearing ?

 

I've done similar some many times.

Yesterday, I was trying to blow something from a surface, while wearing a mask.

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Many.

Filled up my car with oil just before taking it for its MOT but forgot to put the filler cap back on meaning the garage charged me for the failures plus steam cleaning me engine too.

Had 8 tequila slammers in the space of an hour when the bar I went to was doing a promo of a quid a go. Now fully aware of what stomach bile looks like.

Went on holiday and managed to sunburn my feet the first day meaning was basically crippled for the rest of it. 

Am sure there's more. 

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Way too many,but a few good un's

Forgot my leg was broken and needed crutches and tried to chase a shoplifter

Shut my head in the car door,swore at it then did it again straight away

Told the microwave engineer at work I'd started seeing this new bird and she was filth,went to meet her parents and he was sat on the sofa...(to be fair,he thought it was hilarious and I've been married to her neigh on 8yrs now)

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Told this before on here, but here we go again...

I used to live 3 doors away from a petrol station. I hardly ever bought petrol there as is wasn't the cheapest, but it was my local shop and i popped in 2 or 3 times a week.

I was in bed asleep one night, when i had heard banging on my front door, looked out of the bedroom window and saw 2 coppers. Went downstairs and they asked if i had a red Fiesta?

I replied 'Yes, has it been stolen?'

Copper says 'Well they must be nice car thieves as they put some fuel in for you, it's been at the pumps 30 metres away since 7pm'.

At that point I realised  had made a rare fuel visit to the garage that night, browsed round the shop, then walked home with a pint of milk, leaving the car at the pump'

I explained to the police who pissed themselves but kindly offered to not mention my name when they told the story back at the station.

 

    

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