Mental health of the most vulnerable fans ... if Derby are relegated

[Ken Tram]

Despite the eccentricities of some on the forum, and massively passionate emotions - and despite knowing how terribly upset so many of us will be if we get relegated - we are lucky to be able to have this forum to get the stresses off our chests. 

But I have just realised that with relegation being a real possibility - and with lockdown associated isolation, reducing the resilience of many - that for a few Derby County fans, they may be at much greater risk than would be usual when a team gets relegated.

Derby County goes to the core of some, and for anyone more vulnerable than they might normally be in normal times, the risks may be higher for those few. (There will be some left feeling bereft by relegation - with this being on top of other problems - and with relegation pushing them over the edge - maybe.)

Maybe the club might want to arrange counselling for the worse affected fans! Or something!

Truly, maybe the club could subscribe to a helpline service for a few weeks - and advertise the number somehow - even during the match - in case of relegation!

This is not a normal season, when the gut wrenching moment of relegation would be shared with thousands of others. For some, it will be felt alone. And for some, it will be on top of having vastly reduced resilience.

It is a good job that we have this forum - for us lot to get Derby related stress off our chests! But, there'll be some isolated fans out there with no release!

I know that I spout nonsense sometimes - and have terrible attempts at humour - but I don't think we should laugh about this.

I might be worrying too much - but if others agree - and there is sufficient consensus - maybe David could pass on any such consensus to the club.

I don't think that I am being unrealistic or over dramatic ...

We fans all go through highs and lows - from minute to minute in games - match to match - season to season. That's part of being a fan. 

I just wonder if lockdown might make it dangerously worse for a few fans out there? I doubt that it will include people on the forum.

Maybe others can see the risks more clearly, or have good ideas about how best to reach out to anyone that might be at risk of we get relegated.

(Basically, I have noticed how forum members are seemingly protecting themselves mentally - preparing themselves for the emotional roller coaster that would come from relegation. Many say that relegation is inevitable. They will be delighted to be proved wrong. But, they will cope with relegation better if it happens, I think. But, if so many forum members are doing things like this ... it made me realise that there will be some, out there, in a far more vulnerable state after a year of isolation - and I suddenly worried about how they will cope if we should be relegated.)

(We are less likely to be relegated than the other two teams - but there is a significant chance that it will happen.)

Edited May 5, 2021 by Ken Tram

[MackworthRamIsGod]

5 minutes ago, Ken Tram said:

Despite the eccentricities of some on the forum, and massively passionate emotions - and despite knowing how terribly upset so many of us will be if we get relegated - we are lucky to be able to have this forum to get the stresses off our chests. 

But I have just realised that with relegation being a real possibility - and with lockdown associated isolation, reducing the resilience of many - that for a few Derby County fans, they may be at much greater risk than would be usual when a team gets relegated.

Derby County goes to the core of some, and for anyone more vulnerable than they might normally be in normal times, the risks may be higher for those few. (There will be some left feeling bereft by relegation - but having other problems - with this pushing them over the edge - maybe.)

Maybe the club might want to arrange counselling for the worse affected fans! Or something!

Truly, maybe the club could subscribe to a helpline service for a few weeks - and advertise the number somehow - even during the match - in case of relegation!

This is not a normal season, when the gut wrenching moment of relegation would be shared with thousands of others. For some, it will be felt alone. And for some, it will be on top of having vastly reduced resilience.

It is a good job that we have this forum - for us lot to get Derby related stress off our chests! But, there'll be some isolated fans out there with no release!

I know that I spout nonsense sometimes - and have terrible attempts at humour - but I don't think we should laugh about this.

I might be worrying too much - but if others agree - and there is sufficient consensus - maybe David could pass on any such consensus to the club.

I don't think that I am being unrealistic or over dramatic ...

We fans all go through highs and lows - from minute to minute in games - match to match - season to season. That's part of being a fan. 

I just wonder if lockdown might make it dangerously worse for a few fans out there? I doubt that it will include people on the forum.

Maybe others can see the risks more clearly, or have good ideas about how best to reach out to anyone that might be at risk of we get relegated.

(Basically, I have noticed how forum members are seemingly protecting themselves mentally - preparing themselves for the emotional roller coaster that would come from relegation. Many say that relegation is inevitable. They will be delighted to be proved wrong. But, they will cope with relegation better if it happens, I think. But, if so many forum members are doing things like this ... it made me realise that there will be some, out there, in a far more vulnerable state after a year of isolation - and I suddenly worried about how they will cope if we should be relegated.)

(We are less likely to be relegated than the other two teams - but there is a significant chance that it will happen.)

I thought 2020 was a tough year, 2021 has been absolutely mental so far.

5 weeks ago my brother-in-law committed suicide and then last week my wife lost our baby whilst 4 months pregnant and we spent a rough couple of days in hospital having to still give birth. Tough times.

I was at least hopeful Wayne Rooneys Rams would cheer me up slightly on the Saturday, but it wasnt to be.

My escapism has always been the Rams, but at the minute it's like going on holiday to Normanton to get away from it all.

 

 

[Ken Tram]

A shorter version :

Because of lockdown, and isolation - the gut-wrenching experience of relegation, which is usually shared with thousands, will be faced alone by many.

And by people who do not use forums and social media.

And for a few - if relegation has a bigger impact than normal - it might push them over the edge.

And if we have a consensus that this is an issue - and if some of us have good ideas about how the club might coordinate any help for the most vulnerable - then we could pass this on to the club.

[GlastoEls]

4 minutes ago, MackworthRamIsGod said:

I thought 2020 was a tough year, 2021 has been absolutely mental so far.

5 weeks ago my brother-in-law committed suicide and then last week my wife lost our baby whilst 4 months pregnant and we spent a rough couple of days in hospital having to still give birth. Tough times.

I was at least hopeful Wayne Rooneys Rams would cheer me up slightly on the Saturday, but it wasnt to be.

My escapism has always been the Rams, but at the minute it's like going on holiday to Normanton to get away from it all.

 

 

Those of us who know the pain of miscarriage sympathise greatly pal!  Been there myself more than once. Keep talking and keep going!

[IslandExile]

@MackworthRamIsGod very sorry to hear about your terrible year.

Very best wishes to you, your wife and extended families.

[Ken Tram]

6 minutes ago, MackworthRamIsGod said:

I thought 2020 was a tough year, 2021 has been absolutely mental so far.

5 weeks ago my brother-in-law committed suicide and then last week my wife lost our baby whilst 4 months pregnant and we spent a rough couple of days in hospital having to still give birth. Tough times.

I was at least hopeful Wayne Rooneys Rams would cheer me up slightly on the Saturday, but it wasnt to be.

My escapism has always been the Rams, but at the minute it's like going on holiday to Normanton to get away from it all.

 

 

I'm so very very sorry to hear about your baby. People do not talk about miscarriage. We had four. And yet before then, I had not known anyone who had experienced one. There are so many things that we face alone, and which are still fairly taboo.

(I always light a candle for all four of my lost children when I visit a church.)

And I have a lovely son - although I often forget how lucky I am!

The suicide of your bother-in-law is terrible. I was close to doing so last summer.* It is quite extraordinary how the mind can work. And I am sorry for him and everyone affected.

* And I've never told anyone else that - only you, and the forum!

[MackworthRamIsGod]

3 minutes ago, GlastoEls said:

Those of us who know the pain of miscarriage sympathise greatly pal!  Been there myself more than once. Keep talking and keep going!

Thank you very much, really does mean a lot.

It really is a very strange place to be, you realise you dont truly understand what someone must go through until you go through it yourself.

We will get through it.

[MackworthRamIsGod]

1 minute ago, Ken Tram said:

I'm so very very sorry to hear about your baby. People do not talk about miscarriage. We had four. And yet before then, I had not known anyone who had experienced one. There are so many things that we face alone, and which are still fairly taboo.

(I always light a candle for all four of my lost children when I visit a church.)

And I have a lovely son - although I often forget how lucky I am!

The suicide of your bother-in-law is terrible. I was close to doing so last summer.* It is quite extraordinary how the mind can work. And I am sorry for him and everyone affected.

* And I've never told anyone else that - only you, and the forum!

You are very brave to even open up about it.  

I have a beautiful son too, every day I fight on because of him. 

You are right about people not talking about it. I am finding with work that people dont really understand what we are going through, to some people it isnt a real person who has passed away, to you its everything. You have spent x amount of times planning for it, talking about, we even bought a house on the back of it. It's a big deal. Like you, we will remember the life of little Oliver in our way whenever we can.

Anyway back to footy. Get us that vital win please Wayne.

[Comrade 86]

12 minutes ago, MackworthRamIsGod said:

I thought 2020 was a tough year, 2021 has been absolutely mental so far.

5 weeks ago my brother-in-law committed suicide and then last week my wife lost our baby whilst 4 months pregnant and we spent a rough couple of days in hospital having to still give birth. Tough times.

I was at least hopeful Wayne Rooneys Rams would cheer me up slightly on the Saturday, but it wasnt to be.

My escapism has always been the Rams, but at the minute it's like going on holiday to Normanton to get away from it all.

So sorry to hear this mate. I don't know where to begin, so I won't, other than to say I really hope you guys end the year in a better place. 

[MackworthRamIsGod]

1 minute ago, 86 Hair Islands said:

So sorry to hear this mate. I don't know where to begin, so I won't, other than to say I really hope you guys end the year in a better place. 

Thanks mate, the rams not in league 1 would be a great start.

Me and the wife and family will be fine, up the Alamo!

[Comrade 86]

A very considered and timely post @Ken Tram In the bubble of lockdown it's sometimes easy to lose a bit of perspective. These kinds of thread are therefore a very welcome 'balancing of the scales', from my perspective at least. 

[Tyler Durden]

Extremely humbling reading people's life stories on here

[MuespachRam]

4 hours ago, Ken Tram said:

I'm so very very sorry to hear about your baby. People do not talk about miscarriage. We had four. And yet before then, I had not known anyone who had experienced one. There are so many things that we face alone, and which are still fairly taboo.

(I always light a candle for all four of my lost children when I visit a church.)

And I have a lovely son - although I often forget how lucky I am!

The suicide of your bother-in-law is terrible. I was close to doing so last summer.* It is quite extraordinary how the mind can work. And I am sorry for him and everyone affected.

* And I've never told anyone else that - only you, and the forum!

If you ever even come close to feeling that way again, even for a second just send me a message, I will give you my phone number and will pick up the phone anytime day or night. 
 

On the miscarriage and no one talking about It we had one when I was working at Toyota in Burnaston, I called in sick the night It happened to be met with statements like “It will go on your record” and “I spoke to HR about It and they don’t have a policy regarding miscarriage so you have to come in”....

[sunnyhill60]

So good to read the comments in this thread. They show how whilst arguments about this player or that manager may happen forum members do really care for each other. That may be very important in the days ahead.

[Brammie Steve]

I just woke up and realised I was working out all the permutations of what could happen by 1430 in two  days' time.

It takes a lot to disturb my nights usually but I am on a fourth course of antibiotics and in physical pain which has dogged me for many months.

Mentally I am quite a resilient (stubborn?) character but appreciate the candid honesty shown so often on this website.

We are here to support each other in good and not so good times and my wife and I have benefitted from virtual Zoom meetings etc. since being socially isolated ever since March 2020.

Help and friendship is out there and I say please do not suffer in silence.

Whether it is the failure of a football team, death of a pet goldfish, or anything causing upset talk about it, message someone.

Remember, these hearts etc mean that you aren't alone and others feel and share your pain...and care!

[ziggyram59]

7 hours ago, MackworthRamIsGod said:

I thought 2020 was a tough year, 2021 has been absolutely mental so far.

5 weeks ago my brother-in-law committed suicide and then last week my wife lost our baby whilst 4 months pregnant and we spent a rough couple of days in hospital having to still give birth. Tough times.

I was at least hopeful Wayne Rooneys Rams would cheer me up slightly on the Saturday, but it wasnt to be.

My escapism has always been the Rams, but at the minute it's like going on holiday to Normanton to get away from it all.

 

 

Really sorry to hear your news. 

[angieram]

It is interesting that this thread has crossed over into the main football forum because of where we are as a club at the moment. (There has been a similar thread in the pub for a long while.) 

What I would like to say is that while some posters may find it therapeutic  (or even amusing) to whip themselves and others up into a frenzy on here with their collective bed-wetting, that these posts are being read by those same vulnerable people. People who may not be able to interpret the facetious nature of some of those posts and are taking them literally.

It might make some think twice about the effect of their actions.

 

[RoyMac5]

10 hours ago, MackworthRamIsGod said:

Thanks mate, the rams not in league 1 would be a great start.

Me and the wife and family will be fine, up the Alamo!

Here's hoping. ❤️

Come on you Mighty Rams!!!

[Nuwtfly]

15 minutes ago, angieram said:

What I would like to say is that while some posters may find it therapeutic  (or even amusing) to whip themselves and others up into a frenzy on here with their collective bed-wetting, that these posts are being read by those same vulnerable people. People who may not be able to interpret the facetious nature of some of those posts and are taking them literally.

It might make some think twice about the effect of their actions.

Not trying to have a pop here Angie, but I find it somewhat flabbergasting that you want to shift the focus, from a thread that is specifically about helping posters who are struggling to cope with the situation our club finds itself in, to supporters that you don't agree with. Supporters that you refer to as bed-wetting, facetious and that you accuse of deliberately trying to upset other people because they find it amusing...

Are these supporters you're referring to not also struggling with the situation, albeit in a way that you may not like?

[angieram]

8 minutes ago, Nuwtfly said:

Not trying to have a pop here Angie, but I find it somewhat flabbergasting that you want to shift the focus, from a thread that is specifically about helping posters who are struggling to cope with the situation our club finds itself in, to supporters that you don't agree with. Supporters that you refer to as bed-wetting, facetious and that you accuse of deliberately trying to upset other people because they find it amusing...

Are these supporters you're referring to not also struggling with the situation, albeit in a way that you may not like?

I wrote my comment because I think posters need to recognise that not everyone has the same capacity as them. 

I think that the general tone of the Forum recently is greatly influenced by a few posters who are not only aware of their effect on others but take a certain delight in doing so. If I had my way, I would have removed them long ago but we have to tolerate all opinions. I have made a lousy moderator for this reason.

Now if you disagree with my assessment,  that's fine, but I find the forum a depressing place to be in recent months not because of the football but because of certain posters piling in with rhetoric that is not considered or balanced. I know from the circle of people that I speak to face to face, that they are discouraged from posting because of this. Me too. Now some would say that's no great loss and I would agree! 

What I am saying is that if the Forum makes me feel like this, then it must make others likewise. I have spoken privately with people who think the club is going into administration because they have read it on here and that this will be the end of their club for ever. 

They read and are affected by hysteria. That's what I think it is. I don't think it's healthy and I am trying to point that out. Maybe the problem is mine.