Jimbo Ram Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Out of the blue we lost our beautiful daughter Gemma just before Christmas. She was such a beautiful young lady, inside and out and I was so proud to have her as my daughter. She was diabetic and had a seizure, going in to a coma and never recovered. The thought of not having her in our lives is devastating, the pain unbearable to be honest. I am the sort of guy who puts on a brave face and doesn't cry at funerals but I have hardly stopped crying for the last 2 months, just can't cope with our loss. We have started having family bereavement counselling to see if that will help and I am thinking of going to the doctors to discuss possible medication. But none of this will change the fact we will never have her back. I will never see that smile, give her a hug, meet her for a meal, go to a musical festival or go on holiday together. Although she was 27 we did everything together as a family and I just can't imagine life without my Gemstone. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through the sudden death of a loved one and how you managed to cope, if you have...…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozza Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 So sorry to hear that Jimbo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 My work mate lost him mum and his son in the same week last Xmas. All I can say is having mates around him helped. Really sorry for your loss, stay strong for yourself and the others around you who are struggling too. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rynny Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Sorry for your loss @Jimbo Ram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cisse Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Sorry for your loss Jimbo. The best piece of advice I can give is to let yourself feel all the hurt until it starts slowly to get a bit better. Don't think there is some time limit in which you should be start feeling better. Talk about it with people you can talk to and consider getting therapy. There is no way you can hide that kind of pain even if you try to, which would not be wise. Let people help you. That's what friends, family and professionals are for. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sith Happens Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 No advice....just so sorry to hear, cant even start to imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuespachRam Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 That's awful to hear mate. We lost our mum 6 months ago today (actually it would have been her birthday today...happy birthday Mum if you are somehow reading this-if you are, cool they have the internet in the afterlife...good to know)…. my advice would be to take every day one at a time, there are no rules on grief, listen to what people tell you though, it impacts you daily in a wild and different way, sometimes not at all, sometimes it is all I think about.........….only last week I was just wandering around home Depot looking for a hacksaw blade and I just got to thinking about her and ended up walking out and going and sitting in my car for 20 minutes crying. Keep yourself and the family safe and best of luck, if you need to vent to anyone at all feel free to message me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggRam Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 My deepest condolences @Jimbo Ram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Gutted for you, bro. I lost both my parents before I'd even exited my teens. A long time ago now ('79 and '81), and at 57 (last week), I am already older than either of them managed to reach, as neither got as far as their 50's. Almost 4 years ago, we lost our grand daughter at 1 hour old... although if truth be told, that single hour she shared with us was treated very much as an unexpected bonus... something we couldn't even dare to hope for... given the massive odds-against that were set 8 months previous. Many positives, from one completely shitty episode! 11 days before this very last Christmas, I lost a sister. As brothers and sisters go, yeah, I'd say we were close, as I am with my 3 remaining sisters, but having been so long without parents, losing the first of my siblings was so much harder than I could ever have imagined. Losing your own child however... regardless of age... is something I simply cannot comprehend*, and you my friend... nay, you complete stranger... have my strongest, and most heartfelt condolences. Even as a stranger, I wish this had not happened to you. Quite bluntly, it is not meant to be this way. Nobody ever wrote this script! It is wrong on so many levels. *(In all honesty, I have come close to experiencing what you are now experiencing... on two occasions... and both relating to my youngest son, and his experiences in the Afghan war... but fortunately for me, things didn't quite materialise as badly as they could have, and he... along with our other two children... could arguably be described as "safe and well", for which I will remain eternally, unashamedly, and selfishly grateful). I truly wouldn't know where to start, with regards to advising you how to move forward from this. It is far beyond anything I have experienced, and far beyond my true comprehension. But what I do know, is that it truly is "good to talk". Writing down your feelings can be a massive help, if my experience is anything to go by, even if only to receive some kind words in response, and know that you are not alone. Done in the right place... of which I would sincerely hope this is at least one... it can be somewhat uplifting to know there are people willing to "listen", and offering comfort and support. What you mustn't do is bottle things up. You must find that outlet. You must allow your grief room to escape... as it will slowly do, over time. ... And most importantly of all, never be ashamed to laugh or smile, when those happy memories of your daughter come trickling back... which again, they will... eventually! Stay strong, my friend. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rammieib Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Hi Jimbo, myself personally no to an immediate loved one but my wife (now 41) lost her brother 15 years ago. Fit as a fiddle, he died in his sleep. The family were all still living at home at the time. I met my wife a few years after this happened but we can talk about it. She said that she was devastated and in shock for around a year, utterly heartbroken and went into a downwards spiral. After about a year she basically switched and said to herself “I’ve got to live my own life” and moved on. She has gone on to do something with her life etc Moving on doesn’t ever mean not remembering. A charity was set up in his name, a yearly sports tournament is held back in Ireland in his name and regularly when we go back to my wife’s family in Ireland she will visit his grave. I’ve only been to her brothers grave once and I cried. Very important to remember there is nothing wrong in crying. My heart goes out to you but if your daughter could say just one thing to you I’m sure she would tell you to live your life, be proud, be happy and don't beat up on yourself. Stay strong and it’s good to talk/share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coneheadjohn Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 All the best mate,nothing I can say will help. Well done sharing it,hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mostyn6 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I have no words that can make a difference. Only that there is no shame in grieving. If your body wants to cry, listen to it. Absolutely choked reading the opening post and subsequent replies. Lost a close mate in May, still hits me most days. I cannot imagine the pain of losing someone that you would gladly say is your best and proudest achievement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anag Ram Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 6 hours ago, Jimbo Ram said: Out of the blue we lost our beautiful daughter Gemma just before Christmas. She was such a beautiful young lady, inside and out and I was so proud to have her as my daughter. She was diabetic and had a seizure, going in to a coma and never recovered. The thought of not having her in our lives is devastating, the pain unbearable to be honest. I am the sort of guy who puts on a brave face and doesn't cry at funerals but I have hardly stopped crying for the last 2 months, just can't cope with our loss. We have started having family bereavement counselling to see if that will help and I am thinking of going to the doctors to discuss possible medication. But none of this will change the fact we will never have her back. I will never see that smile, give her a hug, meet her for a meal, go to a musical festival or go on holiday together. Although she was 27 we did everything together as a family and I just can't imagine life without my Gemstone. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through the sudden death of a loved one and how you managed to cope, if you have...…. Truth is, you cope because each moment passes and turns into a minute, an hour, a day. You are going through hell but you are the same person you were before, tainted by immeasurable sadness. The person you were before will emerge bit by bit and you may feel guilty about that. You will go through every emotion there is. Talk, rage, remember. Don’t hold back. Let people know what you are feeling. My experience is that talking works better than drugs but do what works for you. You don’t know me but please accept my very best wishes and my hope that in time, you get to live the life she would have wanted you to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Very sorry to read your sad news. It affects you for years. Ultimately you carry on but different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Ram Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 So sorry to read that. Utterly tragic for you and your family. I lost my mum many years ago, too young to die. I think I got through it by refusing to believe she was gone. It still took me by surprise for a good couple of years when I thought I’d ring her, or I’d buy her something. I’d often think I couldn’t wait to tell her about something then it would hit me again that she’d gone. Please speak to your GP, accept any help you need. Gradually you learn to live with it, but never get over it. Eventually you will come round to thinking that she wouldn’t want you to cry forever. Much love to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo Ram Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment and offer support. Appreciate that. It was also interesting and also sad to hear some of your own experiences. In terms of the Rams, Gemma was not really interested in football, just like her mum (and unlike her brother James who is like his dad and an avid Rams fan). However, the selfless person that she was, she did go with me to a few games, especially when she was younger, just to please me really and to spend some time together. We went to a few home games as well as some trips on the road. I can remember away games at Stoke and Wolves but the game that me and Gem attended together that really stands out in my memory was an away game at Plymouth in the Burley era, season we lost to Preston in the play offs I think. We dominated and won 2-0. Unusually we drove down rather than going by train and it was an awful day, torrential rain. The things I remember about it was a strange own goal for our opener, the fact that Marco Reich missed an absolute sitter right at the end to make it 3 and that Kaku played and looked quite good. However, the highlight was the journey back. The heavens opened and we had to stop at the services on the M5. Gem had her Rams away shirt on and as we entered there was a massive group of Rams fans sitting having coffee or a pint and they all started cheering and clapping Gemma and singing Rams songs. Gem's face was a picture, her half embarrassed and half chuffed face that she was the centre of attention. Will always remember that moment...…... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Kevin Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 So sorry mate ,no words can put it right for you. Try to remember that she would not want you to be miserable for the rest of you life .I lost my sister at the age of 5 and I don't know how my mum and dad carried on but they did .I hope that someday although you will never forget Gemma you will learn to live again . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 Theres some kind words and feelings for you Jimbo on here. I hope its a consolation for you in your time of despair. Best wishes to you and yours mate xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TramRam Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 I wish I could say something proactive, But in these cases in life I can't, Life deals you a hand, Then it's taken away, I've lost 3 Sisters over the years, Shed tears at the time, Listen to the professionals Jimbo that's what they're there for, Only time will help, If Gemma is looking down on you what would she say? Stay strong fella....I feel for you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 hour ago, TramRam said: I wish I could say something proactive, But in these cases in life I can't, Life deals you a hand, Then it's taken away, I've lost 3 Sisters over the years, Shed tears at the time, Listen to the professionals Jimbo that's what they're there for, Only time will help, If Gemma is looking down on you what would she say? Stay strong fella....I feel for you ? And that's the best bit of advice I've heard in a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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