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Rumours of one particular player's death...


Carl Sagan

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... Have been greatly exaggerated. 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/46363865

Apparently an Irish team claimed one of their players had died, which got their game called off. Unfortunately for them the league was extremely sympathetic, so it also meant there ended up being a minute's silence before all the other league games. 

Only the player hadn't died at all - just buggered off back to Spain. Oops! 

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Reminds me of the time I rang in sick to work claiming I’ve broken my leg, at the time I was a few pints in knowing the night had only just got started and the chances of me being at work for 5am were slim.

This was about 18 years ago and I still struggle explain my thought process at the time.

On the 3rd day off I realised it would be difficult to get signed off my a doctor with a broken leg without a cast, so I casually walked into work having contemplated faking a hobble, admitted I made a mistake and was embarrassed by my behaviour. The next day a letter arrived terminating my employment with immediate effect and that I would not be required to serve any notice with my leg currently broken.

I loved their humour at the time, but all this went down whilst my parents were away on holiday, took some explaining. ?

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57 minutes ago, David said:

Reminds me of the time I rang in sick to work claiming I’ve broken my leg, at the time I was a few pints in knowing the night had only just got started and the chances of me being at work for 5am were slim.

This was about 18 years ago and I still struggle explain my thought process at the time.

On the 3rd day off I realised it would be difficult to get signed off my a doctor with a broken leg without a cast, so I casually walked into work having contemplated faking a hobble, admitted I made a mistake and was embarrassed by my behaviour. The next day a letter arrived terminating my employment with immediate effect and that I would not be required to serve any notice with my leg currently broken.

I loved their humour at the time, but all this went down whilst my parents were away on holiday, took some explaining. ?

If a man can't lie about something like a broken leg to have a well earned day off, then I'd question whether they're the right kind of employer at all.

What's the world coming to where a bit of honest old fashioned creativity goes unrewarded.

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1 hour ago, David said:

Reminds me of the time I rang in sick to work claiming I’ve broken my leg, at the time I was a few pints in knowing the night had only just got started and the chances of me being at work for 5am were slim.

This was about 18 years ago and I still struggle explain my thought process at the time.

On the 3rd day off I realised it would be difficult to get signed off my a doctor with a broken leg without a cast, so I casually walked into work having contemplated faking a hobble, admitted I made a mistake and was embarrassed by my behaviour. The next day a letter arrived terminating my employment with immediate effect and that I would not be required to serve any notice with my leg currently broken.

I loved their humour at the time, but all this went down whilst my parents were away on holiday, took some explaining. ?

I had to laugh... but seriously, what an utterly twattish thing to come out with!  LOL!

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A bloke at my work once texted the gaffer to say he wouldn't be in Monday because he was at a BBQ the day before and would be too pished to work.

He came back Thursday!

He also had two weeks off looking after his wife who'd had a heart attack, only for her to ring work looking for him as he wasn't answering his phone. She hadn't a scooby when asked how she was feeling after her recent ill health.

I think he got a verbal warning for that one.

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35 minutes ago, reveldevil said:

A bloke at my work once texted the gaffer to say he wouldn't be in Monday because he was at a BBQ the day before and would be too pished to work.

He came back Thursday!

He also had two weeks off looking after his wife who'd had a heart attack, only for her to ring work looking for him as he wasn't answering his phone. She hadn't a scooby when asked how she was feeling after her recent ill health.

I think he got a verbal warning for that one.

Off the boss, or the missus!!  LOL!

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42 minutes ago, Mucker1884 said:

Off the boss, or the missus!!  LOL!

Once she'd clicked on, she asked them not to say she'd rang, but he made it into work pdq afterwards.

We once had a bloke who was even worse, and again little was said. Then again, he did have the British record for time spent on remand for attempted murder, before his eventual acquittal on medical grounds. He'd done it, but couldn't be held responsible due to brain injuries sustained in a previous hammer attack, so the expert witness doctor said.

The same bloke came in one day buzzing with excitement and shoved the local paper in my hand. The lead story on the front page was a girl who'd been sentenced to 3 years for stabbing a fella in the head with her stiletto, in a completely unprovoked attack. That was his daughter, and until that point she was the black sheep of the family as she'd never done time!

We should probably have a whole new thread in the pub for this sort of thing.

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32 minutes ago, reveldevil said:

Once she'd clicked on, she asked them not to say she'd rang, but he made it into work pdq afterwards.

We once had a bloke who was even worse, and again little was said. Then again, he did have the British record for time spent on remand for attempted murder, before his eventual acquittal on medical grounds. He'd done it, but couldn't be held responsible due to brain injuries sustained in a previous hammer attack, so the expert witness doctor said.

The same bloke came in one day buzzing with excitement and shoved the local paper in my hand. The lead story on the front page was a girl who'd been sentenced to 3 years for stabbing a fella in the head with her stiletto, in a completely unprovoked attack. That was his daughter, and until that point she was the black sheep of the family as she'd never done time!

We should probably have a whole new thread in the pub for this sort of thing.

Are you looking for new workers? Seems like a lovely bunch, I'd fit in well.

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2 minutes ago, Dimmu said:

Are you looking for new workers? Seems like a lovely bunch, I'd fit in well.

It's like bookmakers pitches at our place.

You have to wait until someone dies until there's a vacancy.

Probably got the longest average service in the UK, beyond parliament.

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13 hours ago, David said:

Reminds me of the time I rang in sick to work claiming I’ve broken my leg, at the time I was a few pints in knowing the night had only just got started and the chances of me being at work for 5am were slim.

This was about 18 years ago and I still struggle explain my thought process at the time.

On the 3rd day off I realised it would be difficult to get signed off my a doctor with a broken leg without a cast, so I casually walked into work having contemplated faking a hobble, admitted I made a mistake and was embarrassed by my behaviour. The next day a letter arrived terminating my employment with immediate effect and that I would not be required to serve any notice with my leg currently broken.

I loved their humour at the time, but all this went down whilst my parents were away on holiday, took some explaining. ?

Amateur. 

Clearly what you do is get a crutch from somewhere (that’s not too difficult), and a tubi grip round your ankle and come into work a couple of days later saying, ‘You over reacted slightly, it was a suspected break, but it turns out it’s just a bad sprain. They’ve given me this crutch for a week, but it should be better once the swelling has gone down.’

You’d actually end up being hailed as a hero for dragging yourself into work, and probably sent home.

i only have that one bullt excuse cos I’m basically going through that now but with my wrist. Suspected break, but after a few x-rays, probably just a sprain, but not 100% so referred to specialists to have a look at over the next couple of days. In the meantime, they’ve given me a splint, to wear for the next few days whether it’s a break or not.

im totally keeping hold of this splint, and that story, for the next time I need a few days off ‘sick’.

The best lies are based on a truth. When I was that age and making up excuses (I don’t do it anymore of course), I would normally tell a story that had aftually happened to me, just not that particular morning.

 

 

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7 hours ago, TigerTedd said:

Amateur. 

Clearly what you do is get a crutch from somewhere (that’s not too difficult), and a tubi grip round your ankle and come into work a couple of days later saying, ‘You over reacted slightly, it was a suspected break, but it turns out it’s just a bad sprain. They’ve given me this crutch for a week, but it should be better once the swelling has gone down.’

You’d actually end up being hailed as a hero for dragging yourself into work, and probably sent home.

i only have that one bullt excuse cos I’m basically going through that now but with my wrist. Suspected break, but after a few x-rays, probably just a sprain, but not 100% so referred to specialists to have a look at over the next couple of days. In the meantime, they’ve given me a splint, to wear for the next few days whether it’s a break or not.

im totally keeping hold of this splint, and that story, for the next time I need a few days off ‘sick’.

The best lies are based on a truth. When I was that age and making up excuses (I don’t do it anymore of course), I would normally tell a story that had aftually happened to me, just not that particular morning.

 

 

Not using Grimsby hospital are you?

During a night of amateur garden MMA my wrist made a horrible crack noise as it was bent backwards.

By time I got seen in A&E it was 4am and sobering up, told me I have dislocated my wrist and had a team setup to pin me down and crack it back in place.

Not happening today boys. They cast me up and send me away to return no later than 48hrs.

I return where they run further x rays and told it’s not dislocated, just broken. Cast back up again. 

4/5 weeks later I return for another X Ray and told it was never broken, just badly sprained despite me and my mate clearly seeing a crack me the X Ray and attempting to quiz the doctor with limited English. 

I was then put in some wrap thing with a metal bar under it for another 3 weeks.

Didn’t go back as I feared they would want to amputate next. Felt weak and painful for ages after, took many pints being lifted to put strength back into it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I once had to discipline someone who was clearly angling for a long weekend away by suddenly developing a cough on a Thursday lunchtime, only to ring in sick for the Friday and the following Monday. When she turned up for work on Tuesday morning, with a suntan and a cursory glance of her company mobile phone account showed she had been in Ibiza from Thursday night until early Tuesday the game was up!!  

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