Perspective

[Coneheadjohn]

On 21/11/2018 at 10:37, 86 points said:

He seems OK thanks John. He's tough and made of sterner stuff than me. He'll know what's what end of week apparently but he's just carrying on as if nothing's happened at the moment which I guess is the right approach, for now at least. 

How’s your Dad mate?

[richinspain]

Only just opened this topic. Really sorry to hear your bad news. I imagine you now have things a bit clearer, and hopefully the news is better than when you first posted. My dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgekins lymphoma around 3 or 4 years ago (strange how quickly time passes and you sometimes find it difficult to put an actual date on things), but after treatment he is now in remission (sadly it can never be "cured") and when I saw him a couple of months back I was surprised by how good he looked. He's not as active as he was, but at nearly 83 I don't suppose he's going to be. Although we were always close we weren't exactly a tell each other how much we love each other family, but having lived in Spain for 21 years and with a particularly close family over here, I do get much more demonstrative with family and friends (much to some of their embarrassment) when I'm over. As others have said, make the most of your time together, that goes for everyone with their loved ones, and keep on keeping on.

[Comrade 86]

On 01/12/2018 at 07:06, coneheadjohn said:

How’s your Dad mate?

He gets his results on the 5th mate. He seems to be doing ok though, Just carrying on as normal really. 

Thanks again everyone for the kind messages.

[EssendonRam]

Honestly mate, the message I’d offer you is that the adage, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” is 100% true.

I can relate to what you are going through. It’s been the worst few years of my life, these last three, for many and varied reasons which there’s no need to go into now (I’ve written about the circumstances in other threads in here previously).

Suffice to say, it’s fair to say that, when I didn’t think things could get much worse, they did.

But the last six months or so have been beyond anything I could ever have imagined. My best mate since we were 8yo died on July 14, two weeks shy of turning 52; six days after another good mate died suddenly at the age of 50.

I hadn’t been able to catch up with my best mate for the last couple of years as (a) I’ve had to focus on medical, legal and mental issues of my own; and (b) his struggle with alcoholism was too much of a burden for me to take on as well.

I tried to ring him on the Thursday before the Saturday he passed away as I had pretty much decided that my struggle with my issues has reached the point where they were hopeless and wanted to ‘circle back’ to try and help him get back on his feet. Unfortunately I’ll never know if he heard or understood that message before he died in a fall.

After the shock and the funeral - my mate’s family could see that I was punch drunk (despite my attempts to hide it) and did what they’d done since Terry and I were kids and wrapped me in to their family. They encouraged me in an idea to gift Terry’s 11yo son a St Kilda Australian Football Club guernsey, inscribed with messages for Terry by his friends. I just wanted to ensure that Lachlan knew how loved his dad was, especially given his alcoholism had resulted in his wife ending their marriage and trying to deprive Terry of access to his son.

At the wake, Terry’s older sisters insisted that I present it to Lachlan. While I had been prepared to give a eulogy and write part of the service, I really wasn’t ready to do that. If nothing else, I hadn’t seen Lachlan in person since he was 3 or 4.

I told his sisters later that I should have known (after all these years) to just accept their wisdom when my emotions were as wrought as they were. Not only is he a terrific young boy, the effect on Lachlan could not have been more cathartic for me tbh. Terry’s family and I took him to watch my AFL team play Terry’s a couple of weeks later and we’ve agreed that we’ll continue to do that as long as he wants us to (next it’s March 30, Round 2 of the 2019 season).

Even playing that small role with Terry’s family and son helps me tremendously with the feeling that, while I may have let him down, I’m doing what he’d have wanted in ensuring his son is ok. That’s important to me, and to Terry’s family. They want Terry’s son to ‘get’ more of his dad before alcoholism consumed him.

 Apologies for the long-winded sob story but I’m trying to give you a sense of how you’ll find strength and positives even as you confront the worst things. In early October, I learned that another mate, a young bloke who worked for me when he was 18 and who became the younger brother I always wanted (as opposed to the younger brother I have...just kidding...in a way) was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. He’s only 37 and has 3yo and 1yo daughters (it was at his 1yo’s first birthday party that I learned just how serious Ben’s condition is).

When I think of loved ones facing potentially life threatening illnesses, I always think of a radio interview I heard by chance years ago with a folk musician who wrote a song based around his grandmother’s final words to his grandfather before she died; “thank you for loving me”.

 I’ve never been able to find the correct title or the musician’s name but the way he talked of his grandmother’s passing struck me as profoundly beautiful. Again, it’s amazing how we draw strength and succour from the worst and most challenging experiences.

Open yourself to your feelings as these tough times happen. Share them and accept the love that will come your way as people who love you try to show you that.

Good luck to you. I hope all works out for you and your family. But, remember, what doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

[Comrade 86]

11 minutes ago, EssendonRam said:

Honestly mate, the message I’d offer you is that the adage, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” is 100% true.

I can relate to what you are going through. It’s been the worst few years of my life, these last three, for many and varied reasons which there’s no need to go into now (I’ve written about the circumstances in other threads in here previously).

Suffice to say, it’s fair to say that, when I didn’t think things could get much worse, they did.

But the last six months or so have been beyond anything I could ever have imagined. My best mate since we were 8yo died on July 14, two weeks shy of turning 52; six days after another good mate died suddenly at the age of 50.

I hadn’t been able to catch up with my best mate for the last couple of years as (a) I’ve had to focus on medical, legal and mental issues of my own; and (b) his struggle with alcoholism was too much of a burden for me to take on as well.

I tried to ring him on the Thursday before the Saturday he passed away as I had pretty much decided that my struggle with my issues has reached the point where they were hopeless and wanted to ‘circle back’ to try and help him get back on his feet. Unfortunately I’ll never know if he heard or understood that message before he died in a fall.

After the shock and the funeral - my mate’s family could see that I was punch drunk (despite my attempts to hide it) and did what they’d done since Terry and I were kids and wrapped me in to their family. They encouraged me in an idea to gift Terry’s 11yo son a St Kilda Australian Football Club guernsey, inscribed with messages for Terry by his friends. I just wanted to ensure that Lachlan knew how loved his dad was, especially given his alcoholism had resulted in his wife ending their marriage and trying to deprive Terry of access to his son.

At the wake, Terry’s older sisters insisted that I present it to Lachlan. While I had been prepared to give a eulogy and write part of the service, I really wasn’t ready to do that. If nothing else, I hadn’t seen Lachlan in person since he was 3 or 4.

I told his sisters later that I should have known (after all these years) to just accept their wisdom when my emotions were as wrought as they were. Not only is he a terrific young boy, the effect on Lachlan could not have been more cathartic for me tbh. Terry’s family and I took him to watch my AFL team play Terry’s a couple of weeks later and we’ve agreed that we’ll continue to do that as long as he wants us to (next it’s March 30, Round 2 of the 2019 season).

Even playing that small role with Terry’s family and son helps me tremendously with the feeling that, while I may have let him down, I’m doing what he’d have wanted in ensuring his son is ok. That’s important to me, and to Terry’s family. They want Terry’s son to ‘get’ more of his dad before alcoholism consumed him.

 Apologies for the long-winded sob story but I’m trying to give you a sense of how you’ll find strength and positives even as you confront the worst things. In early October, I learned that another mate, a young bloke who worked for me when he was 18 and who became the younger brother I always wanted (as opposed to the younger brother I have...just kidding...in a way) was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. He’s only 37 and has 3yo and 1yo daughters (it was at his 1yo’s first birthday party that I learned just how serious Ben’s condition is).

When I think of loved ones facing potentially life threatening illnesses, I always think of a radio interview I heard by chance years ago with a folk musician who wrote a song based around his grandmother’s final words to his grandfather before she died; “thank you for loving me”.

 I’ve never been able to find the correct title or the musician’s name but the way he talked of his grandmother’s passing struck me as profoundly beautiful. Again, it’s amazing how we draw strength and succour from the worst and most challenging experiences.

Open yourself to your feelings as these tough times happen. Share them and accept the love that will come your way as people who love you try to show you that.

Good luck to you. I hope all works out for you and your family. But, remember, what doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

Thank you so much for your post @EssendonRam It really did strike a chord. Dad got his results today and unfortunately they confirmed the worst. That said, another scan is required to determine the level of spread which is scheduled for this weekend, after which a course of treatment will be decided upon. I can't say I'm on top of things at the moment, far from it if truth be told, but messages such as your own have been immensely comforting nonetheless. 

[Steve How Hard?]

So sorry to hear that your dads results are what you feared @86 points. I hope the scan this weekend produces a more positive outcome. Please keep posting and using us all in any way you can. Whether that be as an emotional crutch, sounding board or whatever helps. We're all here for you.

[King Kevin]

Bloody hell hoped for better news for you all .Wish you and your Dad all the luck going .

[Rev]

Gutted for you and your father @86 points, grit yer teeth and carry on is the best advice I can offer.

We need a empathy emoji really.

 

 

[Mucker1884]

Sorry to hear the bad news, @86 points. 

Fingers crossed for at least a little more positive feedback for you all at the weekend.  Whether you get it or not, don't forget we're here as and when you need us.   

 

[Comrade 86]

@Steve How Hard?, @King Kevin, @reveldevil, @Mucker1884 - cheers fellas. It does mean a lot and reading other people's stories has helped too. I'm sure most of everyone on here has been affected in some shape or form by cancer and I'm hopeful that those who unlike my needy self, have suffered in silence, will also be heartened by the shared experiences and kindness shown. For my part, I'm genuinely touched and most appreciative for all the kind words. Thanks again chaps ?

[Parsnip]

Ah sorry to hear that @86 points - stay strong and positive mate, there could well be a long way to go yet.

[i-Ram]

Take care of yourself 86P and stay strong for your dad. Wishing you both the best.

[DarkFruitsRam7]

Take care mate.

[Sith Happens]

Wishing your dad and all of you all the best. There is so much they can do these days. Hope after such a massive dose of bad luck you get some good fortune going forward. 

My only advice if you are like me and have hit Google is try and think of what you read a bit like trip advisor reviews, no matter how good the hotel there is always bad reviews which can alarm you. There is good information out there but lots of bad.   All the best.

[Comrade 86]

3 hours ago, Paul71 said:

Wishing your dad and all of you all the best. There is so much they can do these days. Hope after such a massive dose of bad luck you get some good fortune going forward. 

My only advice if you are like me and have hit Google is try and think of what you read a bit like trip advisor reviews, no matter how good the hotel there is always bad reviews which can alarm you. There is good information out there but lots of bad.   All the best.

Cheers Paul, much obliged mate. The prognosis seems to be pretty good with prostate cancer. Even when not curable it is most often manageable so the outlook is not too bleak. Thanks again, P.

[Coneheadjohn]

Crap...here when and if you need us mate?

[Tamworthram]

On 6 December 2018 at 12:05, 86 points said:

Cheers Paul, much obliged mate. The prognosis seems to be pretty good with prostate cancer. Even when not curable it is most often manageable so the outlook is not too bleak. Thanks again, P.

All the best buddy. As per the thread title, it puts it all into perspective. Know how you're feeling. My wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer today resulting in five months of chemo followed by surgery. Let's hope the Rams get promoted which will give her a double celebration in the summer (if only she was a football fan).

[Malagaram]

To Anyone here suffering the dreaded C or anybody with a family member,stay strong over Xmas and the New Year,will say a prayer for any person suffering over Xmas,stay positive.

[Tamworthram]

2 minutes ago, Malagaram said:

To Anyone here suffering the dreaded C or anybody with a family member,stay strong over Xmas and the New Year,will say a prayer for any person suffering over Xmas,stay positive.

cheers matey. 

[i-Ram]

1 hour ago, Tamworthram said:

All the best buddy. As per the thread title, it puts it all into perspective. Know how you're feeling. My wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer today resulting in five months of chemo followed by surgery. Let's hope the Rams get promoted which will give her a double celebration in the summer (if only she was a football fan).

Horrible news Tamworth.  Wishing you both the very best in 2019.