Smyth_18 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Is there anything funnier than waking somebody up and them coming out with a load of random poo? Last night i woke the wife up as she fell asleep on the sofa. She suddenly blurted out... 'Did you know there's a banana range and it's called monkey noo noos?' I was in tears for the next half hour and when she got up to go to bed she didn't have a clue what i was laughing at. Another one a few years back. When i used to stop at my Dad's at the weekend i slept on his sofa. My Dad fell asleep on the sofa and i was trying to get him up. 'Dad, go to bed' 'i'm just looking' 'looking at what?' 'the pictures' 'What pictures?' *rather angrily* 'IN THE CANTEEN YOU twit!' Apparently me and my brother used to have conversations despite being in separate rooms, which is strange because we don't have too many conversations when awake! Add your sleepy gibberish in this thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 A while back, I woke Mrs Woflie up by muttering to myself. She asked me what I was going on about and I apparently said in my sleep with a pissed off tone: "I NEED TO GET A VASE FOR MURIEL !!!" I haven't known anyone called Muriel for about 15 years. I also regularly wake up laughing. God knows why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Not so much talking as walking - my brother-in-law regularly sleepwalks into their spare room and relieves himself in the wardrobe. They literally can't keep ANY clothes in there! He has no idea why he does it. He has to walk PAST the bathroom to get there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Done that, kinda. Had a few too many one night, was in the early days of being with the girlfriend, she stayed at mine. Apparently I rolled into bed around 3am, about an hour later she woke to find me sat on the edge of the bed pissing up the wall. because she had to be up in a couple of hours for work decided to leave me be. Awoken by her hairdryer I got up to get a drink, put my foot straight into a soaking wet carpet, questioning what had gone on, she informed me I was standing in my own piss. Must have been a camel style bladder emptying as it was everywhere. Chucked a load of chemicals down and moved out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sith Happens Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 3 hours ago, StivePesley said: Not so much talking as walking - my brother-in-law regularly sleepwalks into their spare room and relieves himself in the wardrobe. They literally can't keep ANY clothes in there! He has no idea why he does it. He has to walk PAST the bathroom to get there... in what manner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 33 minutes ago, Paul71 said: in what manner? Thankfully only number ones - not number twos or gentleman's relish ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McRainy Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 4 hours ago, David said: Chucked a load of chemicals down and moved out Like you do. Or, as one does, if we're being posh about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 My mates stag do in Leeds a few years back. Messy. Fell into my Premier Inn room at around 3am - passed out on my bed. Then i woke up - slumped in a corridor, different floor, completly naked. It took me ages to navigate the corridors and elevators to find my room again (luckily it was number 333, or i'd never had remembered it). My mate opened the door to my naked ass with a "wtf are you doing you c**t?!" That's the only time i know of that ive sleep walked. Haven't had a jagearbomb since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 On a golf weekend at Northshore in the not too distant past, my non golfing cousin retired to his room to find his father missing, despite him going up some hours earlier. After checking the bathroom to no avail, he opened the door into the corridor and noticed the door opposite was ajar. He nugded it open, and watched in horror as he saw his dad finish his piss over the oblivious couple in the bed he'd mistaken for a toilet, and then wonder back through the corridor to his room, only stopping to remark 'I needed that, son'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbadbob Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 16 minutes ago, reveldevil said: On a golf weekend at Northshore in the not too distant past, my non golfing cousin retired to his room to find his father missing, despite him going up some hours earlier. After checking the bathroom to no avail, he opened the door into the corridor and noticed the door opposite was ajar. He nugded it open, and watched in horror as he saw his dad finish his piss over the oblivious couple in the bed he'd mistaken for a toilet, and then wonder back through the corridor to his room, only stopping to remark 'I needed that, son'. How did he get a key for the other hotel room? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 1 minute ago, bigbadbob said: How did he get a key for the other hotel room? He didn't, he just turned the knob I guess and in he went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbadbob Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Just now, reveldevil said: He didn't, he just turned the knob I guess and in he went. In that case they deserved to get pissed on for somehow leaving their door open Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester40 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 In my younger days I was invited back to a young lady's house. Being extremely drunk I was unaware (and very disappointed) until I arrived there that she still lived with her parents. She left me on the couch in the lounge.... I half awoke in the morning absolutely desperate for a wee. In my still half drunken stupor I turned on my side and just relieved myself all over the rug. About half hour later the whole family started to wake and come downstairs and I suddenly became aware of my mistake! I hurriedly threw my coat on and made my excuses!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve How Hard? Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 10 minutes ago, reveldevil said: He didn't, he just turned the knob I guess and in he went. Sounds a right clever dick. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilkleyram Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 2 hours ago, reveldevil said: On a golf weekend at Northshore in the not too distant past, my non golfing cousin retired to his room to find his father missing, despite him going up some hours earlier. After checking the bathroom to no avail, he opened the door into the corridor and noticed the door opposite was ajar. He nugded it open, and watched in horror as he saw his dad finish his piss over the oblivious couple in the bed he'd mistaken for a toilet, and then wonder back through the corridor to his room, only stopping to remark 'I needed that, son'. Never mind how he got in there, how on earth were they 'oblivious' while all that was happening? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sith Happens Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 ,My wife is a nightmare. Its a common thing that when asleep if you walk into the room she will sit up and scream then fall straight back to sleep. She screams in her sleep a lot, and often giggles in her sleep too. She also isnt very good after a drink, especially in strange places. Last year on holiday first night, we have had a few and im woke by her pulling at the curtains and the patio doors. I said what are you doing, she replies like im an idiot, trying to open the door, so i say what do you want to open the door for, she replies i want to go to the toilet, i just sigh and point her in the direction of the 'proper' toilet. Thankfully we have never had any 'accidents' that we know of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 On 19/10/2018 at 20:07, Parsnip said: My mates stag do in Leeds a few years back. Messy. Fell into my Premier Inn room at around 3am - passed out on my bed. Then i woke up - slumped in a corridor, different floor, completly naked. It took me ages to navigate the corridors and elevators to find my room again (luckily it was number 333, or i'd never had remembered it). My mate opened the door to my naked ass with a "wtf are you doing you c**t?!" That's the only time i know of that ive sleep walked. Haven't had a jagearbomb since. Bloomin heck that sounds familiar - and this probably belongs in the Emabarrassing moments thread.... I was also on a stag do in Leeds, on the Jaegerbombs and woke up in the middle of the night just as the hotel room door clicked closed (locked) in front of me. I was outside my room but had no way of getting back in - and was starkers. The lad I was meant to be sharing with had decided to get a cab home instead of staying over. I made my way down to reception but then I couldn't remember my room number. It didn't help that the room wasn't even booked in my name. I did know where my room was, so the poor bloke from the front desk had to accompany me back upstairs and let me in, after checking that the room was empty and had my bag in it. He did at least give me a magazine to cover myself up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 1 hour ago, Wolfie said: Bloomin heck that sounds familiar - and this probably belongs in the Emabarrassing moments thread.... I was also on a stag do in Leeds, on the Jaegerbombs and woke up in the middle of the night just as the hotel room door clicked closed (locked) in front of me. I was outside my room but had no way of getting back in - and was starkers. The lad I was meant to be sharing with had decided to get a cab home instead of staying over. I made my way down to reception but then I couldn't remember my room number. It didn't help that the room wasn't even booked in my name. I did know where my room was, so the poor bloke from the front desk had to accompany me back upstairs and let me in, after checking that the room was empty and had my bag in it. He did at least give me a magazine to cover myself up. Pretty much the exact same thing happened to a mate of mine when we were in the Glasgow Premier Inn. He went to the toilet in a state of semi-conscious drunken nakedness, opened the door, shut it behind him and then realised he was in the corridor not the bathroom... He had to cover his manhood and get the receptionist to let him back in. The fact that this has happened 3 times in this thread alone suggests it can't be that uncommon for hotel night porters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GboroRam Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 On 19/10/2018 at 12:14, David said: Done that, kinda. Had a few too many one night, was in the early days of being with the girlfriend, she stayed at mine. Apparently I rolled into bed around 3am, about an hour later she woke to find me sat on the edge of the bed pissing up the wall. because she had to be up in a couple of hours for work decided to leave me be. Awoken by her hairdryer I got up to get a drink, put my foot straight into a soaking wet carpet, questioning what had gone on, she informed me I was standing in my own piss. Must have been a camel style bladder emptying as it was everywhere. Chucked a load of chemicals down and moved out. My mate's dad did end up sat on his fishing box in the wardrobe, having a poo. His missus was unimpressed. Top tip: never drink Stones bitter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smyth_18 Posted October 23, 2018 Author Share Posted October 23, 2018 20 hours ago, StivePesley said: Pretty much the exact same thing happened to a mate of mine when we were in the Glasgow Premier Inn. He went to the toilet in a state of semi-conscious drunken nakedness, opened the door, shut it behind him and then realised he was in the corridor not the bathroom... He had to cover his manhood and get the receptionist to let him back in. The fact that this has happened 3 times in this thread alone suggests it can't be that uncommon for hotel night porters! I honestly thought this kind of thing only happened on comedy TV shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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