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Corporate buzzwords


uttoxram75

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1 hour ago, Phoenix said:

I think we're a similar era Eddie, did you used to have a 'random buzzword generator'? A simple computer program which picked 2 adjectives and 1 noun from a list of 60's computer jargon. Very amusing at the time and a complete waste of company resourses.

I seem to recall writing one.

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Action.

As in "Can you please action the below email?"

High level approach. 

As in "I don't know any of the details of what I'm talking about, so I'm going to summarise this by taking a high level approach".

Set hares running

"Following on from my high level approach, I have set hares running because I wasn't able to provide any detail on any of the vague information I provided and people have begun gossiping about what may or may not happen".

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18 minutes ago, SouthStandDan said:

Get it done by the "End of Play"......

I'm in an office not on a football pitch! What was wrong with "the end of today"

Where I work, it was "Close of business" and then "close of play" until the point we've got people calling the time they go home "full time". So you're absolutely right to relate it to sport

"We're hoping to get this over to the customer by full time".

Doesn't help when staffing levels make it an injury time equaliser at best.

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It’s an oldie but goodie.....I can’t stand “heads up” 

just wanted to give you a heads up I won’t be in the office tomorrow 

translated- I’m on holiday tomorow

thsre are so many, I really try to avoid them but it’s inevitable that you drop a few of them as you wander through the corporate world. 

FTF is a bad one. 

And anyone saying “let’s connect” agghhhgg

 

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On 18/10/2018 at 11:30, StivePesley said:

I'm definitely going to leverage this one on my learning journey

We really need a deep dive and a drains up though

My manager went through a few week period of this 'deep diving '...which as abruptly ceased. Think even she realised it sounded like nonsense.  She was looking at basic data but we used to joke that she thought she was launching a space shuttle she was so earnest. 

I hate  'holistic', 'bottom up management', 'cascade' and 'disseminate'.

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4 hours ago, Chester40 said:

My manager went through a few week period of this 'deep diving '...which as abruptly ceased. Think even she realised it sounded like nonsense.  She was looking at basic data but we used to joke that she thought she was launching a space shuttle she was so earnest. 

I hate  'holistic', 'bottom up management', 'cascade' and 'disseminate'.

We have to do a lot of 'deep diving' at the organisation where I am a governor - good job I've got my swimming certificates!

Came across a completely new one to me in a report today 'granularity'. I had to look it up and it means there is sufficient detail behind the headlines when you're looking at data. There you go!

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6 hours ago, angieram said:

 

Came across a completely new one to me in a report today 'granularity'. I had to look it up and it means there is sufficient detail behind the headlines when you're looking at data. There you go!

 

Nope, still don't understand.

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On 18/10/2018 at 21:11, Parsnip said:

When anyone says "Reach out" to me it makes me want to reach out and knuckleball them in the face.

This. A thousand times this. It started a decade ago in America and I found myself telling US colleagues who wrote "I'm reaching out to you to ask..." that I would not reply to them if they ever used that phrase in an email again. I know it's irrational, but... 

And now everyone uses it - even my parents! 

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On 01/11/2018 at 18:37, BobbyD said:

Got a message yesterday from someone who said “dont sweat the small stuff”

i asked her what it meant 

she said , dont worry about little things

i asked why she hadnt just said that in the first place 

That reads like a James Milner tweet!

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On ‎02‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 20:58, Grimbeard said:

Nope, still don't understand.

Try this:

50% of people like chips.

More granularity:

Half of them want salt, a Quarter want Vinegar

Even more granularity:

Half of the half want salt AND Vinegar (cue cogs whirring).

60% of the half than don't want salt or vinegar are left handed.

 

Using a political buzzword: people looking for more granularity are kicking the decision into the long grass!? 

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