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Corporate buzzwords


uttoxram75

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Was due to attend a meeting today so me and a like minded colleague decided to liven it up by looking up the latest buzzwords to see if 

a) one would be used, and

b) could we get one in to the discussion...

 

so we had a quick look and tossed for who had which buzzword to try and use. I ended up with...PARALYSIS BY ANALYSIS...really, this is a thing apparently , my mate had, ONE THROAT TO CHOKE....seriously, these are the latest business buzzwords...

 

Anyroads, part way through the meeting a handout was passed round with a huge amount of data on it with our manager asking for comments from around the room, I kept a stone cold poker face when it was my turn and said, "if were not careful we could suffer from paralysis by analysis if we cascade this much data to the front line managers"

the silence around the room was only broken by my itk colleague snorting through his nose and suffering a choking fit. As he left the meeting to get a glass of water my manager and colleagues praised me for my insight and honesty and decided to send the data back to Finance to simplify for general use.

I'm 1-0 up atm but he's swore revenge.

Anyone got some good buzzwords for future reference.

 

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9 hours ago, uttoxram75 said:

Anyroads, part way through the meeting a handout was passed round with a huge amount of data on it with our manager asking for comments from around the room, I kept a stone cold poker face when it was my turn and said, "if were not careful we could suffer from paralysis by analysis if we cascade this much data to the front line managers"

Bravo!.

Be careful, though, you could end up with a promotion if you keep that BS up.

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I remember going to many tedious meetings, usually run by management consultants, where this stuff was endemic. Eventually we put together a (very) long list of buzzwords and phrases and made some cards up to take and play "Buzzword Bingo".

Ironically this made us listen that bit harder so probably had a reverse effect to what we expected. Senior Management caught us and were not amused.

Later I had to run similar stuff, or present to Customers, and made great efforts not to include these sort of phrases, but it is very hard.. as the actress said to the...

My favourite, said as a description of a colleague who was known to bend with the views of the most senior person present, was:

He not only changed horses mid stream but changed streams as well! 

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Think out of the box 

More ways to skin a cat.

More ways to peel an onion

Get all your ducks in a row

Eggs in one basket

Mission creep

Holistic approach.

The military is full of acronyms/buzzwords and quite frankly I think the commissioned brethren take pride in changing them at regular intervals to p!ss off the other ranks, that or they are afraid of spies 

 

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·       There’s a piece of work to be done around….

·       So, are we aligned? (which translates as ‘you do agree with me, don’t you?’)

·       What is the exam question we’ve been asked here

·       There are other crocodiles nearer the boat

·       It’s like herding cats

·       We’re on a burning platform

And if one more person shows me that slide with the Batman picture – what you get if you spend 10 minutes, 1 minute or 10 seconds – then I swear I will show them what I can do to their computer in 1 second

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