Domestic abuse on men

[PistoldPete2]

I have never been hit by a partner, but a lady did punch me once so I guess it does happen, especially if alcohol is involved. 

[PistoldPete2]

6 hours ago, ramit said:

i had a crazy girlfriend.  She told me stories of her abusive former bf's and like a chump i bought it.  She played a victim while being a manipulative, button pushing antagonistic insulting, overbearing bitch from hell, when not showering me with praise and caresses.  The good times were amazing as you can guess, but holy mackerel the psychological games crap she put me through.

One day when we were having a particularly enthusiastic dispute, she waved a butcher knife in front of me where i sat on the sofa.  See what you are making me do she screamed.  i told her i didn't care if the devil himself made her wave that knife, she was three seconds away from being flattened against the wall by a sofa table and she calmed down.  Somehow later she managed to make me feel guilty for the incident, she was a real artist when it came to mind games.  After six months with her, i packed my stuff and ran my rust bucket car into the ground to reach Reykjavík again.

She ended up doing half a dozen years in prison for stabbing her partner to death.  He hung on for a bit at the hospital, but refused to press charges, claiming it was all his fault.  She was that good.

There are no emojis for this story. Very shocking... I think that's what you call dodging a bullet... Literally. 

[Brammie Steve]

On 12 March 2018 at 20:31, maxjam said:

My first wife used to have a short fuse and get angry with me about the smallest things which would often turn violent.  I was hit and kicked numerous times during the 3 years we were married.  She even broke our car windscreen after punching it one day!  To look at her you would never think she was capable of such power.

Our marriage was cyclical, varying between good times, brief violent snap, hugely apologetic period which at first was kinda annoying but as I was bigger than her and not really getting hurt was more frustrating than anything. Towards the end however the violence became more intense and prolonged until one time I was pushed down the stairs and repeatedly kicked in the back whilst lying on the floor in some considerable pain from the fall.

When the pain subsided I got up and aggressively pushed my wife onto the sofa and threatened her (non violent - just aggressive finger wagging!) to never to lay a finger on me again to which I got the following reply, 'if you ever touch me again I'll have the police on you'.  That struck a chord as I could have suffered in silence for years, taken repeated and prolonged beatings, but one loss of composure and I would have been the one in prison.

We were divorced shortly after that and I never told my friends cos thats not really what blokes do and I imagine that I would have been ribbed about it if I had.  In fact, prior to this the only person I'd ever told is my current wife (of 15 years and counting!) as I'd flinch sometimes during the early days when she'd move near me catching me unawares.

I don't know what percentage of men suffer from abuse (not just violent) but I would imagine most of them suffer in silence.

Congratulations on having the courage to share this.

I really wonder if you might not have been here to share this had you not dealt with it as you did.

There are plenty of sharp knives in most kitchens and it only takes a moment of anger. Then remorse and apologies are too late.

All the best for the future, from someone about to celebrate 43 years of marriage!

BTW I've edited my post after reading the one above. tragically confirms my point really!

[Brammie Steve]

23 hours ago, Inglorius said:

Gaslighting is manipulating someone via psychological means to get them to question their own sanity. 

Lovebombing is again trying to manipulate someone but by declarations of love and affection.

Ah yes, my wife and I saw the brilliant film 'gaslight' many moons ago and ever since we have said 'gaslight' whenever we have seen someone trying to destroy another using innuendos and other sneaky non-violent means.

Didn't know it was a common expression but it is very apt. Watch the film or stage play, disturbing but so real!

[McRainy]

7 hours ago, StivePesley said:

These are mental health issues that people need to get help with.

That is undoubtedly true, and while it may explain someone’s abusive behaviour, it doesn’t justify it. People are still ultimately responsible for their actions. 

[Stive Pesley]

9 hours ago, Lambchop said:

That is undoubtedly true, and while it may explain someone’s abusive behaviour, it doesn’t justify it. People are still ultimately responsible for their actions. 

Absolutely. I suppose what I meant was that this sort of behaviour in relationships is rooted in mental health issues. Depression, insecurity, personality disorders etc caused by any number of bad experiences. That doesn't justify it at all, but until that person realises the consequences of their actions make them a bad and unhappy person, not a good and happy person then they aren't ever going to break the cycle.

The problem is that you think that being in a relationship is going to fix you and make you happy, contented and secure.

In actual fact, it's only by first resolving your issues and being happy, contented and secure with YOURSELF that allows you to enter a good and healthy relationship.

I make it sound easy I know - it;'s not. It's probably one of the hardest things we can do. Learn to love ourselves

 

[EssendonRam]

A close mate of mine would’ve had his 40th birthday last week.

Unfortunately, he was stabbed to death by his partner and left to die because he’d finally had enough and was leaving her in the middle of the night last May.

We’d all known for a while that she was feigning DV. After Luke died, it was incredible how many of his mates, including myself, had personally witnessed her causing bruises to herself and threatening to destroy his reputation if he left her.

What most of us didn’t know was that she’d been telling her ex-husband that he’d hit her in front of his children and that he’d regularly beaten the complete tish out of him as ‘punishment’. Indeed, as far as I know, Luke only told one person about that (not myself). I only learned of it when her ex-husband came forward to the police and told them but in the context of himself learning (somehow only  a few months before Lukey died) that she’d be lying about the DV allegations all along.

(The ex-husband and a number of Luke’s mates have provided sworn statements to the police. Hopefully, it’ll be sufficient to ensure Lukey gets the justice he deserves.)

It hasn’t stopped her counsel from flagging that it’s her defence strategy to rekindle the allegations.