neil62uk Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 I arrived home yesterday with a bouquet of red roses My gf said what you done wrong now ...? I replied ..I've slept with your sister Gf shouts YOU'VE SLEPT WITH MY SISTER AND YOU THINK A POXY BOUQUET OF ROSES WILL EXCUSE WHAT YOUVE DONE I replied WHAT THE F - - K ARE YOU ON ABOUT ....THE ROSES ARE FOR YOUR SISTER ...!!!!! Mostyn6 and Steve How Hard? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anag Ram Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Doctor I think I've been having hallucinations. What makes you think that? A little bird told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 There was a fire at the local B & Q store the other day. Staff managed to save all the paint brushes, tins of paint and wall paper. Management said for their bravery, the staff will be decorated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. P Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister’s underwear. I don’t know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 (edited) Two Thai women asked me if I wanted to sleep with the both as it would be like winning the lottery they said ...!!! they where right as we had 6 matching balls .... !!! Edited October 1, 2020 by neil62uk i-Ram, Premier ram, Mick Brolly and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 (edited) Archaeologists have uncovered another tomb in an Egyptian pyramid. When they open the sarcophagus they found the body had been embalmed in chocolate and hazelnuts. They think they have found the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher. Edited October 2, 2020 by sage Mick Brolly, Turk Thrust, GboroRam and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 I’ve been trying to reclaim my lost youth i need to get that cellar door fixed... Millenniumram, Ghost of Clough and Turk Thrust 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GboroRam Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 I have a tattoo of Ed Sheeran on my arm. The tattooist misheard me when I said I wanted an anchor. GB SPORTS 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turk Thrust Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Went to my girl - friends funeral yesterday Met her parents for the first time What a pair of miserable B--T--D.S they are !!!! Mick Brolly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 (edited) I think I'm addicted to brake fluid. It's ok though, I can easily stop. Edited October 3, 2020 by TimRam Mick Brolly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimRam Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Hats of to Man Utd for abiding to the government rules yesterday by only letting 6 in ...!!! But typically Liverpool whom are a law unto themselves broke the rules ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anag Ram Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 1 hour ago, neil62uk said: Hats of to Man Utd for abiding to the government rules yesterday by only letting 6 in ...!!! But typically Liverpool whom are a law unto themselves broke the rules ? It's their tourist board slogan. Liverpool - just that little bit more poo than Manchester. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil62uk Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 3 minutes ago, Anag Ram said: It's their tourist board slogan. Liverpool - just that little bit more poo than Manchester. It does make my heart bleed that both are poo ?...long may it reign in Manchester Anag Ram 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 GboroRam and Mick Brolly 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BaaLocks Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 On 29/09/2020 at 23:03, uttoxram75 said: I keep having recurring nightmares that I’ve turned into a horse.... it’s been seven nights on the trot so far That would make you a night mare uttoxram75 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowplay Posted October 14, 2020 Share Posted October 14, 2020 Speed cameras on the A52 if any Forest fans want 3 points. ram1964, Steve How Hard?, ThePrisoner and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowplay Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for £250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day. The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.” The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.” The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?” Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?” Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.” A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?” Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece.” The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back.” ram1964, 1967Ram, Bwash_Ram and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowplay Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish cities and towns? Stirling Moss Lewis Hamilton Eddie Irvine Ayr Town Centre.... 1967Ram, Mostyn6, Chester40 and 9 others 5 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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