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New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)


admira

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Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other...

"I'm not sure if I'm happy being a cannibal. I know our tribe has eaten people for generations but now we have domesticated cattle and more advanced arable farming techniques."

The second cannibal replies "Whilst I agree its not a necessary source of food now, I don't thing it ever has been. It was mainly a way of asserting our dominance over neighbouring tribes."

Cannibal 1 "In fact I've heard that it was much rarer than people thought and used to perpetuate myths about uncivilised countries beyond Europe as an excuse for colonial power"

Cannibal 2 "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

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Was out and about last weekend, and must have spent an hour stood next to this sign, asking all and sundry to come over for a chat.  "We can discuss anything but politics"  I'd holler.  "What do you reckon to this lovely weather we're having?"  "What's your favourite mince based dish?" I'd enquire.

They just looked at me as if I was some sort of moron, and hastily moved on, shaking their heads.

It was only then, I decided to check out the sign again...

conservation-area-14602918.jpg

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Boris Johnson is on a trip to Cornwall meeting the locals. The mayor meets him and says 
"Boris, we have two problems we need you to help with" 
"Certainly," Boris replies. "Anything to be of service.”
“Well, our first problem is that we have a new health centre but we don’t have a GP allocated to work here so it’s sitting empty.”
“No problem,” and with that Boris whips out his phone and makes a call, clearly berating someone at the other end and instructing them, in no uncertain terms to get things done. “There,” he says as he hangs up. “That’s the first one done. So what about the second?”
“Well,” the mayor continues. “Our mobile phone mast blew down in the recent storm so we don’t have any mobile phone reception at all.”

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