Bwash_Ram Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 Wolfie, bigbadbob, Mucker1884 and 3 others 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Steve How Hard?, i-Ram, EtoileSportiveDeDerby and 5 others 3 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 The award for best parent goes to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbles Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 I once approached a very lovely lady in Tesco and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere around here. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted December 1, 2019 Share Posted December 1, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 Walking down the street, a Member of Parliament is hit by a lorry and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter. He says, " 'Welcome to heaven. Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem. We seldom see anyone in such a high office around here, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'Just let me in,' says the politician. 'Well, I'd like to but I have instructions from above. You'll have to spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven, then you can choose where to spend eternity.' 'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' says the MP. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' replies St Peter With that, St. Peter escorts him to the lift and he went down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the Devil, a very nice, friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They're having such a good time that before he realises, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave as the lift rises... The door opens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to show you around, Heaven.' So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing harps and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.' The MP reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down down to Hell. When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and refuse. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more garbage falls from above. The Devil comes over and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened? ' The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were campaigning... Today you voted Rev, Pearl Ram, GboroRam and 5 others 4 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 I was taking a short cut through the woods this morning and I couldn't help thinking how odd it is that you never see dirty books in bushes anymore, and you never see bushes in dirty books anymore. admira, Wolfie and Steve How Hard? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 Look carefully once you see it you cant unsee it. Mucker1884, Steve How Hard? and Mostyn6 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 1 hour ago, Bwash_Ram said: Look carefully once you see it you cant unsee it. Is that a double she's drinking? It looks rather to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearl Ram Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 Looks like a penis colada to me. Steve How Hard?, Mucker1884, Bwash_Ram and 4 others 1 1 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mucker1884 Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 4 hours ago, Mucker1884 said: Is that a double she's drinking? It looks rather to me! Large... "rather large"... I lost a word somewhere! Doh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ViewsFromTheMiddle Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 Believing in 12.5% of the bible makes you an eighth thiest. Steve How Hard? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Millenniumram, Bubbles, Anon and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 Genius Wolfie, bigbadbob, MaltRam and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gritstone Ram Posted December 17, 2019 Share Posted December 17, 2019 For sale 30 million broadband routers. Contact Jeremy or Dianne. FlyBritishMidland, bigbadbob and Steve How Hard? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 A warning to all, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas. Quite rightly Police are out checking on people. ?♂️ Last night I went out for a few drinks. Cocktails then wine. (Not a good idea) However, knowing I was over the limit, I took the bus back home. We passed a police checkpoint and I could see they were pulling over drivers giving them breath tests. They waved the bus past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from. ? ? ? ? Bubbles, uttoxram75, 1of4 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 I came over all of a quiver earlier and now I have a life ban from Uttoxeter Archery Club☹️ I know nothing, Ramant62, Steve How Hard? and 5 others 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 Just heard about a jewellery robbery from Tiffany's. The robbers were last seen running just as fast as they can trying to hold one another's hand...... FlyBritishMidland, MuespachRam, i-Ram and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anag Ram Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 8 hours ago, Van Wolfie said: A warning to all, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas. Quite rightly Police are out checking on people. ?♂️ Last night I went out for a few drinks. Cocktails then wine. (Not a good idea) However, knowing I was over the limit, I took the bus back home. We passed a police checkpoint and I could see they were pulling over drivers giving them breath tests. They waved the bus past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from. ? ? ? ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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