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admira

New joke thread

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As a serial killer my name would be "The Suspense" so my victims would be like " oh no the suspense is killing me" and we would both laugh, then I would stab them to death .

 

A man wearing a tie fastener walks into a bar.

The barman says “we don’t like your tie pin here”.

 

I'm told that Joe Pasquale speaks very highly of me.

 

It’s a 4 minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.

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Someone wrote a load of Shakespeare's sonnets all over the see saw at the kids park. As I was pushing my daughter up and down on it I thought "now that's poetry in motion".

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I've just seen John Cleese carrying a nun.

That was really virgin on the ridiculous.

German steps in cow pancake...

Ach dung!

(I got those from a nursing home for old jokes!)

Yes it is!

Is it true you can tell the future?

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