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admira

New joke thread

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There's a plane crash and a man gets washed up ashore on a remote island in the pacific the only other person that makes it is no other that Kylie Minogue .Well this guy can't believe his luck ,they learn to survive and get on together and in due course become an item .

After a while they are sitting there discussing their predicament" are you happy " ? she asks .

"What man wouldn't be happy stranded on a desert island with you  but I miss my mates and lads banter" he replies.

Kylie trying to be helpful says "look this island is only 6 miles round I'll dress up in your clothes and start walking one way round ,you go the other way and when we meet you can pretend I'm a mate and tell me what you want".

So they set off in opposite directions ,after a couple of hours he see's her in the distance ,as they get closer he starts to walk faster and then breaks into a run .

He runs up to her and yells " hey mate guess who I'm shagging:

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A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. 

They gave me another one free of charge.

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I noticed a load of random items on my bank statement, (size 80 shoes, a bicycle horn, a huge plastic flower).

I contacted my bank and apparently my card has been clowned.

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Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!  

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.    

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