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I just bought a new 60" TV with special football mode ready for the new Premier League season. I opened the box and guess what...


No Leeds.


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Met this girl in the pub, and said to her ‘you remind me of my little toe’. 

She said ‘ahhh, do you mean I am small and squidgy’.

l said ‘Nah, in half an hour I hope to be banging you hard against the kitchen table’.

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