Turk Thrust Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 I rang the secretary of my local Ramblers club but he just went on and on and on...... C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamworthram Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 You've probably all heard it as it was on Radio Derby (I may not have got the quote quite right). A Yorkshire man just bought a new top of the range wide screen HD TV to watch the play off final. It wasn't until he opened the box that he realised there's no Leeds in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gritstone Ram Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 I went to the cinema the other night and tried to pay for a pick and mix with a fifty pound note. They wouldn’t except it so I ended up paying 2x £20 + £10 GboroRam 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 This cheared me up . I love how he just stands there watching until its too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 I know an awful lot about bus timetables. I've led a sheltered life jono 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I’ve just accidentally swallowed my cats tablet!! Don’t ask me-ow When Lord Nelson died he was five feet tall. On his statue in Trafalgar Square he's 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1. ThePrisoner, Mick Brolly, Steve How Hard? and 4 others 2 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 I was at work the other day - stacking packets of washing powder in the aisle, when a girl I once went out with came up to me and punched me square in the face... "What was that for??" I asked "You lied to me and told me you were a stunt pilot!" "No - I said I was part of an Ariel display team" uttoxram75, jono, Mick Brolly and 3 others 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McRamFan Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 This thread is shocking, two weeks away and only 3 jokes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BathRam72 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 On 13/06/2019 at 10:47, StivePesley said: I was at work the other day - stacking packets of washing powder in the aisle, when a girl I once went out with came up to me and punched me square in the face... "What was that for??" I asked "You lied to me and told me you were a stunt pilot!" "No - I said I was part of an Ariel display team" This resonates with me. When I was in the RAF. We landed in Edinburgh for a night stop. In a bar later that evening, the captain was chatting to a couple of girls when one asked what he did for a living. I am a Pilot he said, just before she sparked him out and said 'Like I have never heard that one before' Stive Pesley 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigfella Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 A dung beetle walks into a bar and says “ Is this stool taken?” Steve How Hard?, i-Ram, Bwash_Ram and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramit Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 You know you're getting real old when you sit down on the can and your balls splash the water Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I think my son is addicted to sniffing brake fluid. However he says he can stop at any time. Wolfie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 9 hours ago, sage said: I think my son is addicted to sniffing brake fluid. However he says he can stop at any time. That's the caliper of joke you're famous for. Bwash_Ram, Steve How Hard? and uttoxram75 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chester40 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. When I heard that I had to put my foot down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I just bought a new 60" TV with special football mode ready for the new Premier League season. I opened the box and guess what... No Leeds. froggg, ram1964, WhiteHorseRam and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 froggg, Anag Ram, I know nothing and 1 other 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bwash_Ram Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off. I think I'm being stalked. Mick Brolly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 One of the pupils at school asked me what I knew about midgets. I replied 'very little'. Mick Brolly and ramit 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 My friend has moved to North Korea I asked him what it's like - he said "Can't complain" Mick Brolly, TibshelfRam, McRainy and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Clough Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Not worthy of a separate thread and not sure where else to share this... Wolfie and ramit 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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