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Van Cone De Head

My Lads op.

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Unfortunately I can see how that could happen.

Must feel like bloody hell 'why us'...but for you all the pressure must be unbearable at times and everyone has their limits.

As always I can't even begin to imagine how tough this must be to talk about. Best wishes. Glad he is doing ok, you are all gonna keep needing each other. 

 

 

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3 hours ago, Van Cone De Head said:

I’ll put as brief as I can,it is difficult to put down for some reason and i’ll attach part of a medical report after.

September last year just before his 17th  Josh tried to take his own life.

Took an overdose of Xanax and when we found him he had stopped breathing.

I thought he was dead,I think he stopped breathing 3 or 4 times,each time Lynne fetched him back with CPR,she saved him I thought it was over,paramedics arrived after 15 minutes and he was breathing.

He’s come on a lot in the last 11 months.

@Chester40.

674VkHO.jpg

Hey mate

I mean this if he comes on here and if he feels he wants to talk tell come to me.

My best mate recenctley lost his girl friend after he explained he suffered with mental illness when I found very next day arrange to meet him at his sisters but no one was in but he fell asleep at the time when was not anwsering after several phone calls I went looking for him fearing the worest but after couple of hours he rang me back huge relief on my end. Me and best mate been through a lot togather and we look after each other I care for like a brother our friendship really strong I will get him through this.

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Sorry to hear this John... but I can’t say it came as a complete surprise!  From the snippets I’ve read (I “came in late” and haven’t read every word of this thread) your whole family has had a hell of a lot to contend with, so one of you getting to such a desperate stage, and making such a grim decision is “almost understandable”.

What Josh did is not something I have ever considered doing myself, but I do have experience of going through what you have, as a father. 

My youngest boy also attempted such an ending 3 years ago, albeit at an older age (early 30s) and for different reasons (which I most certainly won’t go into detail on these pages, suffice to say it all related to being involved in Afghanistan, and the horrors of being “Up close and personal” with modern day warfare!”

Fortunately, my son’s attempt also “failed”, and I’m naturally chuffed to say he’s now well on the road to recovery (after excellent work by the respective experts, and a good dose of family unity) having now taken a different direction in life, and currently lapping up the bachelor lifestyle on the Cornish coast building boats!  It’s fair to say that it appears he’s currently happier than Larry!

As a father, I daren’t ever say it’s a happy ending, as there’s always a casting glance to check he’s ok, and there’s always the element of worry, (as there always is with our own kids) but after 7 years since “the trigger”, and only 3 since it all came to light (with his attempt to take his own life), things are certainly looking up. 

I appreciate your (family’s) problems are still very much present, and not past, so there may well still be a long and winding road to trudge along, and you’re gonna have to keep a keen eye on all your brood, (but you don’t need me to tell you that!)

But there is hope. Things can and do get better, even if at times, things appear utterly hopeless. I also fully appreciate that, at times, it feels like we, as fathers, feel like complete failures!  That’s not the case, of course, but even we can have doubts at such trying times!

First and foremost, I wish young Joel the best of health, and a final “All clear” on his illness. The sooner the better. Secondly, I wish Josh the strength and courage to help his brother through it all, whilst staying strong in himself. 

Finally, and probably most qualified of all, I wish you and Lynne, as ever-worrying parents, the patience, strength, and determination to hold things together, keeping the family strong and together as one. 

I truly believe that that alone is the key to facing and overcoming these demons. Family bonds are stronger than they can sometimes appear!

All the best, buddy... stay strong, and don’t let go of that hope!  

XXX 

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10 hours ago, B4ev6is said:

Hey mate

I mean this if he comes on here and if he feels he wants to talk tell come to me.

My best mate recenctley lost his girl friend after he explained he suffered with mental illness when I found very next day arrange to meet him at his sisters but no one was in but he fell asleep at the time when was not anwsering after several phone calls I went looking for him fearing the worest but after couple of hours he rang me back huge relief on my end. Me and best mate been through a lot togather and we look after each other I care for like a brother our friendship really strong I will get him through this.

Thanks

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15 hours ago, Chester40 said:

As always I can't even begin to imagine how tough this must be to talk about. Best wishes. Glad he is doing ok, you are all gonna keep needing each other. 

I know it sounds bonkers but everyone’s doing ok,everyone is helping each other and Joel is such a positive influence because he has been through so much everyone respects him massively.

Hopefully Lynne will feel able to talk about because she saved Josh and I don’t know what to say about that.

We just tend to look at each other and let out a sigh and go,’that was close’,followed by,’which one’!

CPR on your child isn’t in the rules surely.

@Mrs Cone

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7 hours ago, Mucker1884 said:

Sorry to hear this John... but I can’t say it came as a complete surprise!  From the snippets I’ve read (I “came in late” and haven’t read every word of this thread) your whole family has had a hell of a lot to contend with, so one of you getting to such a desperate stage, and making such a grim decision is “almost understandable”.

What Josh did is not something I have ever considered doing myself, but I do have experience of going through what you have, as a father. 

My youngest boy also attempted such an ending 3 years ago, albeit at an older age (early 30s) and for different reasons (which I most certainly won’t go into detail on these pages, suffice to say it all related to being involved in Afghanistan, and the horrors of being “Up close and personal” with modern day warfare!”

Fortunately, my son’s attempt also “failed”, and I’m naturally chuffed to say he’s now well on the road to recovery (after excellent work by the respective experts, and a good dose of family unity) having now taken a different direction in life, and currently lapping up the bachelor lifestyle on the Cornish coast building boats!  It’s fair to say that it appears he’s currently happier than Larry!

As a father, I daren’t ever say it’s a happy ending, as there’s always a casting glance to check he’s ok, and there’s always the element of worry, (as there always is with our own kids) but after 7 years since “the trigger”, and only 3 since it all came to light (with his attempt to take his own life), things are certainly looking up. 

I appreciate your (family’s) problems are still very much present, and not past, so there may well still be a long and winding road to trudge along, and you’re gonna have to keep a keen eye on all your brood, (but you don’t need me to tell you that!)

But there is hope. Things can and do get better, even if at times, things appear utterly hopeless. I also fully appreciate that, at times, it feels like we, as fathers, feel like complete failures!  That’s not the case, of course, but even we can have doubts at such trying times!

First and foremost, I wish young Joel the best of health, and a final “All clear” on his illness. The sooner the better. Secondly, I wish Josh the strength and courage to help his brother through it all, whilst staying strong in himself. 

Finally, and probably most qualified of all, I wish you and Lynne, as ever-worrying parents, the patience, strength, and determination to hold things together, keeping the family strong and together as one. 

I truly believe that that alone is the key to facing and overcoming these demons. Family bonds are stronger than they can sometimes appear!

All the best, buddy... stay strong, and don’t let go of that hope!  

XXX 

You worded it better than i ever could. 

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The posts on here strike home for me.

6 years ago i was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer with the average life expectancy from diagnosis being 5 years.

Fortunately,  in a way, my blood cancer diagnosis changed and although I still have a rare blood cancer my life expectancy from diagnosis is now 16 years.

Add to that being made redundant,  and getting a job i hated i seriously thought i would be better off dead, thankfully i had a great gp an understanding wife and i got made redundant again. I now have a job that while challenging i love it and am currently being taken off my anti depressents and my latest blood results are spot on.

Not really sure what im trying to say other than while their is life their is hope. 

I don't plan to live for another 10 years i plan to live for another 50.

I must stop posting when had a beer. 

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On 05/09/2019 at 20:48, Van Cone De Head said:

I’ll put as brief as I can,it is difficult to put down for some reason and i’ll attach part of a medical report after.

September last year just before his 17th  Josh tried to take his own life.

Took an overdose of Xanax and when we found him he had stopped breathing.

I thought he was dead,I think he stopped breathing 3 or 4 times,each time Lynne fetched him back with CPR,she saved him I thought it was over,paramedics arrived after 15 minutes and he was breathing.

He’s come on a lot in the last 11 months.

@Chester40.

674VkHO.jpg

Your lads girlfriend is a hero! Very luck to have her and she probably saved your lads life! All the best x

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16 hours ago, Van Cone De Head said:

I know it sounds bonkers but everyone’s doing ok,everyone is helping each other and Joel is such a positive influence because he has been through so much everyone respects him massively.

Hopefully Lynne will feel able to talk about because she saved Josh and I don’t know what to say about that.

We just tend to look at each other and let out a sigh and go,’that was close’,followed by,’which one’!

CPR on your child isn’t in the rules surely.

@Mrs Cone

Sounds like you misplaced your 'How to Raise The Perfect Child' handbook that all your children came with....

I did the same with what often feels like pretty dire results. However it feels like something and nothing when compared to what you have/are experiencing. 

Not wanting your children to suffer anything at all is most parent's over -riding desire, xso you all do so well dealing with the pressure and I know I couldn't do it with the humour, honesty and decency you manage. 

Keep posting when you can, you can see lots of people are emotionally invested in it.

 

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34 minutes ago, Chester40 said:

Sounds like you misplaced your 'How to Raise The Perfect Child' handbook that all your children came with....

I did the same with what often feels like pretty dire results. However it feels like something and nothing when compared to what you have/are experiencing. 

Not wanting your children to suffer anything at all is most parent's over -riding desire, xso you all do so well dealing with the pressure and I know I couldn't do it with the humour, honesty and decency you manage. 

Keep posting when you can, you can see lots of people are emotionally invested in it.

 

Thanks,it is appreciated.

It’s fair to say aside from my brother I don’t discuss it with anyone outside the house except when it comes to necessary arrangements with work.

 

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I’ve been away from the forum for the last week and a bit so I’m slowly catching up with everything but I just want to add to the messages saying that we are thinking about you all and hope you are all doing ok. It sounds like you’ve got a good lot around you and you support each other.

Great messages of hope too from Mucker and Paul. I do think no matter at where we are in life, messages about positivity and hope moving forward are good to see

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Going wrong this morning.

Right sided mastoid abscess,spoke to the Hallamshire and they are just making arrangements,fortunately Prof Ray is in clinic and I am just waiting instructions from him.

We are going in ASAP,doesn’t look as bad as last years emergency.

I’ll come back to you,I would say we’ve caught it a bit earlier this time.ffs

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1 hour ago, Van Cone De Head said:

Going wrong this morning.

Right sided mastoid abscess,spoke to the Hallamshire and they are just making arrangements,fortunately Prof Ray is in clinic and I am just waiting instructions from him.

We are going in ASAP,doesn’t look as bad as last years emergency.

I’ll come back to you,I would say we’ve caught it a bit earlier this time.ffs

Fingers crossed for you as always John and @Mrs Cone

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Joel’s going in tomorrow,Prof Ray won’t be able to see him till then and we’ve decided it’s best to wait for him.

Any change and we can take him straight to the Head and Neck ward at the Hallamshire but Joel’s happy to hang on at home rather than have a night at hospital,I’ll come back to you when we’ve been seen.

Cheers

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