Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[Mostyn6]

@Alpha and @jimbo jones 

relating to the home, this one always makes me chuckle. If you look at the time I started this thread, it was in the lead up to Christmas, which is a time I generally struggle mentally. I think the following Christmas, I tried to pre-empt my Christmas loneliness by decorating Mostyn Towers.. So I picked the paint I wanted and ordered the whole lot off Amazon (paints, brushes, rollers, pollyfilla, dust sheets, trays, turps, masking tape!). The plan was to do the whole gaff in the two weeks I was off work.

I stripped the living room, and meticulously stacked everything in another room. Did the cutting in and masking, then the first coats, then let it dry....

.... anyway, fast forward about 5 days, anything that could do wrong did. I needed more paint for starters! Then I tripped on the dust sheet at the exact moment the roller snapped, and guess where it landed... yep, in the only bit of exposed carpet in between the two dust sheets. Then I damaged a radiator that leaked over the newly glossed trunking!

Suffice to say, I completed the living room. That's it. I've still got all the paints etc to do the rest of the place, but I cannot bring myself to put myself through that again!

Worse thing is though, I did the living room in a colour without paying attention, then my mates came around and all said "why is your living room in N*ttingham F*rest red?".

 

[Alph]

@Mostyn6

The laughing emoji probably isn't the correct response but sometimes you just gotta laugh at the inventive ways life kicks you. Those days where it's like "what else can go wrong today!"

... and then one more thing goes wrong!! 

But we are all hurrying up and doing nothing. We've all got a million things to do all the time. 

Well if we have indeed got a million things to do all the time then the bad news is we will never do everything.

So might as well just do 1 thing. Then if it's done properly you can put it out your mind and focus on the 999,999 things that ne- oh yeah, that needs doing too. 

We really have to slow down, don't we. 

[Gap tooth ram]

21 hours ago, jimbo jones said:

I’ve been living with depression for nearly 20 years now. There’s been the good times and the bad times. 2019 was the worst. Both my kids are autistic.

My son got excluded from his special needs school in 2018. We went round every special needs school in Derbyshire, to be told not one of them could meet his needs. In short, the problems we had with my son were huge. We ended up getting a disability social worker and being tagged as a family in crisis.
 

In the end Derbyshire Council are having to pay for him to go to a private school in Nottingham. Which isn’t cheap ?

The difference in him at the new school was huge. So then we had the battle of just getting my daughter a diagnosis. For whatever reasons it’s a lot harder to get girls diagnosed. Her school were dismissive of anything being wrong  and extremely unhelpful. Eventually we got the diagnosis and she went up to junior school, who were much more helpful.

Then my partners sister passed away after a long illness at just 30. Obviously it was difficult for all of us. But my son found it really difficult, and the old problems were back. The last month he got back to where he was.

Me personally. I was on the brink when I went back to see my doctor. Who signed me off work. 4 months later and I’m no closer to being ready to go back and starting to get stressed about what I’m going to do about work.

my depression is just something I have. Ive done the counselling and basically been told I just have to manage. The amount of stress I’ve got going on is making that seem impossible a lot of the time.

ive started writing a blog, basically about me trying to deal with life having 2 kids with autism. Which is helping me get what’s on my mind out into “the universe” (or something like that) and getting into the “autism community” on twitter. Getting to know other parents who know what it’s like, which has been good.
 

Anyway this has been me getting things off my mind again....cheers ?

 

I fully understand this post mate.  My lad is autistic as well as having spina bifida.  We've had loads of battles over the years with school and the local authority and I have had those same blank faces looking back at me, so I feel your pain.  I'm lucky in that the wife is phenomenal and deals with pretty much everything, I just get rolled out if she thinks she might lose her poo and needs a calm head ,or needs me to use big words.

Not saying I can offer anything other than the quite brilliant advice @Alpha has already given (think he's missed his vocation in life reading through this thread!), but if there's anything specific I can help with (by I, I actually mean the wife), then drop me a message.

Good luck, stay strong and remember your not alone.

In other news I'm with you, @Alpha and @Mostyn6 on the DIY front, maybe we should set up a group and one weekend a month we can all take turns helping each other further butcher our house's!

[jimbo jones]

1 hour ago, Gap tooth ram said:

I fully understand this post mate.  My lad is autistic as well as having spina bifida.  We've had loads of battles over the years with school and the local authority and I have had those same blank faces looking back at me, so I feel your pain.  I'm lucky in that the wife is phenomenal and deals with pretty much everything, I just get rolled out if she thinks she might lose her poo and needs a calm head ,or needs me to use big words.

Not saying I can offer anything other than the quite brilliant advice @Alpha has already given (think he's missed his vocation in life reading through this thread!), but if there's anything specific I can help with (by I, I actually mean the wife), then drop me a message.

Good luck, stay strong and remember your not alone.

In other news I'm with you, @Alpha and @Mostyn6 on the DIY front, maybe we should set up a group and one weekend a month we can all take turns helping each other further butcher our house's!

Thanks mate. And @Alpha & @Mostyn6 your comments were just what I needed today. Really appreciate it.

[uttoxram75]

2 hours ago, jimbo jones said:

Thanks mate. And @Alpha & @Mostyn6 your comments were just what I needed today. Really appreciate it.

Some good people on here jimbo, and those two are up there with the best.

If its helped you to post on here then thats brilliant.

@Mostyn6, never met him and I seem to remember we actually had a bit of a fall out once over Nigel Clough but I agree with almost everything he posts nowadays..?

@Alpha, met him and he's an awful, horrible person, he was rude to Boycie and took the pish out of my car....oh, go on then, he's paid me to say he's a really decent lad....

Hope you find some peace mate. Others have said there's no easy way out of this but you have to find a way to keep going, your only here once so give it your best shot knowing there's plenty of us wishing you well. Other people do care , feel free to contact any of us if you need to.

[SaintRam]

22 hours ago, jimbo jones said:

@Alpha I decided months ago, one thing I can do is sort my house out. Which currently resembles raynesway tip. I think this has summed up where my head has been. I’ve gone from frantically doing random areas of the house in random rooms. To then giving up for days, leaving the house look no better over 2 months after I started, despite spending a huge amount of time on it. Which has now in my mind turned it into a massive issue that’s stressing me out more than anything else ?‍♂️
 

 

22 hours ago, Alpha said:

Yes!! I know this one. 

I did the same. "Sorted" my whole house out. What a thick Bamford. A whole house!!? Why would I even do that??! 

Now I've got a whole house and in the whole house is unfinished rooms. Rooms I've been in and done a bit but not completed. Little bit of boxing in here, decorating there, new flooring here, new light fitting there.

If I had a £ for every time I decided "today is the day <insert ambitious project> begins" only to get maybe an hour into it before shelving it forever, I'd have plenty of pocket money.
Although, not only did I not get a £; I spent loads of money buying all the stuff ready to crack on with the project. A lot of which is lying around my house unsealed. Not just talking about re-modelling either; writing, designing, trying to get back into art, having a proper crack at getting into a workout routine. All never moved.
We have a bathroom with walls partially stripped waiting for me to get someone in to re-model it and finally fit a shower in the process; but that involves talking to people - so we've just been using a bathroom with no heating for months.

My life is just an endless routine that I desperately hate; and every so often I shout, "No more!" and become determined to change my life; that energy usually doesn't get past a day.

 

I'm much better at working to help others with their problems than I am at dealing with my own; If I could choose I think I'd want it the other way around.

Edited February 4, 2020 by SaintRam

[DarkFruitsRam7]

Just now, SaintRam said:

If I had a £ for every time I decided "today is the day <insert ambitious project> begins" only to get maybe an hour into it before shelving it forever, I'd have plenty of pocket money.
Although, not only did I not get a £; I spent loads of money buying all the stuff ready to crack on with the project. A lot of which is lying around my house unsealed. Not just talking about re-modelling either; writing, designing, trying to get back into art, having a proper crack at getting into a workout routine. All never moved.
We have a bathroom with walls partially stripped waiting for me to get someone in to re-model it and finally fit a shower in the process; but that involves talking to people - so we've just been using a bathroom with no heating for months.

My life is just an endless routine that I desperately hate; and every so often I shout, "No more!" and become determined to change my life; that energy usually doesn't get past a day.

I literally started doing this today:

https://medium.com/@MrBuzzFactor/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-hack-don-t-break-the-chain-8d1944b8323d

Every time I get straight out of bed, without snoozing my alarm or messing about with my phone, I'm going to add a tally to a notepad. The same applies for when I go to the gym as scheduled. If I miss one day, the chain starts over. 

Perhaps you could try that for every day that you work on a project, be that gym, art, DIY, etc?

[SaintRam]

3 minutes ago, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

I literally started doing this today:

https://medium.com/@MrBuzzFactor/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-hack-don-t-break-the-chain-8d1944b8323d

Every time I get straight out of bed, without snoozing my alarm or messing about with my phone, I'm going to add a tally to a notepad. The same applies for when I go to the gym as scheduled. If I miss one day, the chain starts over. 

Perhaps you could try that for every day that you work on a project, be that gym, art, DIY, etc?

I may give that a whirl.

[Alph]

9 hours ago, uttoxram75 said:

?

@Alpha, met him and he's an awful, horrible person, he was rude to Boycie and took the pish out of my car....oh, go on then, he's paid me to say he's a really decent lad....

Hope you find some peace mate. Others have said there's no easy way out of this but you have to find a way to keep going, your only here once so give it your best shot knowing there's plenty of us wishing you well. Other people do care , feel free to contact any of us if you need to.

That was the time we went to Moor Farm and I said are we going casual or smart. Casual we said. All casual. 

Then some lads showed up in shirts leaving some of us looking like we were on the school run. bar stewards. 

Anyway, in full agreement. It's not easy but you can break it down and think logically or you can try and take it all on and once. Just like you back in the day mate. Pick easy fights and blag the glory

[Mostyn6]

17 minutes ago, Alpha said:

That was the time we went to Moor Farm and I said are we going casual or smart. Casual we said. All casual. 

Then some lads showed up in shirts leaving some of us looking like we were on the school run. bar stewards. 

Anyway, in full agreement. It's not easy but you can break it down and think logically or you can try and take it all on and once. Just like you back in the day mate. Pick easy fights and blag the glory

was this breakfast-gate? 

[Alph]

31 minutes ago, SaintRam said:

 

If I had a £ for every time I decided "today is the day <insert ambitious project> begins" only to get maybe an hour into it before shelving it forever, I'd have plenty of pocket money.
Although, not only did I not get a £; I spent loads of money buying all the stuff ready to crack on with the project. A lot of which is lying around my house unsealed. Not just talking about re-modelling either; writing, designing, trying to get back into art, having a proper crack at getting into a workout routine. All never moved.
We have a bathroom with walls partially stripped waiting for me to get someone in to re-model it and finally fit a shower in the process; but that involves talking to people - so we've just been using a bathroom with no heating for months.

My life is just an endless routine that I desperately hate; and every so often I shout, "No more!" and become determined to change my life; that energy usually doesn't get past a day.

 

I'm much better at working to help others with their problems than I am at dealing with my own; If I could choose I think I'd want it the other way around.

It's too much though innit? 

It's cool I guess having this projection of who we want to be and how we want people to see us. That's how we can become better and more successful. 

Everything is on the tip of our fingers. We are just geared to getting it now. 

Everything is there to make you the person you want to be. And in front of your eyes are projections of perfect Dave and his perfect life. You can literally have everything you want. And to prove it we'll take a little walk across social media at things like facebook where everyone else has achieved becoming a super awesome person, driving a super awesome car, going on super awesome holidays with super awesome friends having super awesome times. How much of it is real and how much is people presenting the projection of the person they want to become.

I might be in danger of rambling on now. 

But everything seems designed to inspire you to become a 6ft 4 entrepreneur with a chiselled jawline driving a flash car living in an American Dream home with lots of friends having a good time. 

This is why ads are laser targeted to our phones. You even think of having a bicep and there's a gym being built on your street that can make you look like Anthony Joshua tomorrow. 

No wonder people feel poo about themselves. 

Nobody becomes the person they want to be. I don't believe it. You achieve one part of your projected self and then your projected self gets better. His house gets bigger. Whatever. 

I think we touched on it in a thread about football fans being angry. It's just people expect instant now. And a lot of people are frustrated and boiling over. Somehow the way we work is that every is fed the fake ******** that they are important and they matter. 

I think to be happy you have to find comfort in being you. You that has a bit of poo going on. 

Work towards that projection. So @SaintRam, if you want to get through your poo then start with the most easily achievable thing. Do it. Do it properly. Don't try and go to the gym 25 hours a day and do your bathroom when you get home while building a life size Rolls Royce from matchsticks. 

Be happy being a nobody that's working through their poo. You will never achieve that projected you. It's a ******** story sold to you like a gambling advert that tells you every day you will win £1m. It's an advert influenced facebook account belonging to BullshitRam. 

All you really need is to dig out yourself a piece of happiness. Work towards the projection. Bit by bit. And you can have a house to be proud of. You can have a hobby. You can go to the gym. You can enjoy all that. But the goalposts will always move. 

So just try to enjoy what you have and take steady steps towards what you want.

I apologise if this made no sense. But I like this thread because it's the ******** in people's heads spat out onto a piece of paper. This is the ******** that I think has helped me. So maybe it can help someone else.

[Alph]

35 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

was this breakfast-gate? 

Yeah, I think Uncle Mel got me and you mixed up. You were grilling him and I was hiding. When previously on the forum i think i was spitting my dummy out. 

Back when Paul Clement spending a gazillion pound seemed a good idea 

[SaintRam]

To save post length, I won't quote you @Alpha

Your post makes sense; as does your advice - but I've had it before and in truth I feel like I've run out of the easily achievable things and not progressed. Now I'm just left with the hard to achieve things ? 

That being said I do put a lot of effort into controlling the myriad of symptoms of my personality disorder to be able to progress professionally; and perhaps I just have a limited tank that's being drained by that activity.

My social life is basically ideal for my situation - I know literally one person in Derby (where I've lived all my life) on a social level, my fiancé who lives with me (who also has no friends here) - and all of my other friends live in New Orleans so I have direct control over how often I interact with them and to what degree (often online; very occasionally in person). Although I'm so close with all of them now that it is an eventual goal to move out there; I'm always better when I'm out there.

The amount of effort I spend on myself is very slowly progressing. This diets going well, for one. I'm hopeful that really tracking my progress (via things like this thread) provide a balance when my subconscious inevitably chimes in with, "all this is ducking pointless, go back to sleeping 12 hours a day."

[Mostyn6]

18 minutes ago, Alpha said:

Yeah, I think Uncle Mel got me and you mixed up. You were grilling him and I was hiding. When previously on the forum i think i was spitting my dummy out. 

Back when Paul Clement spending a gazillion pound seemed a good idea 

I think I'm hurt that @uttoxram75 was there and doesn't remember me. Although I cannot remember who was who there! 

I was the one that told Mel he shouldn't have entered the dressing room. He then accused me of wanting him to just pay the money and be quiet, but I am not a demander of excessive spending. Anyway.. we digress.

[Bubbles]

Love you all.

 

Squid 

[jimbo jones]

@SaintRam I usually last a bit more than a day, but that is exactly me. Writing is my main thing.  I’ve got piles of stuff. Unfinished work, research that’s not been used. Finished work that’s just been left. I might have to pinch @DarkFruitsRam7/Jerry’s idea to.

its why after several years of talking about it. i went and got myself a web domain and paid for hosting. And started up by blog, with the commitment of at least posting what we’ve been up to everyday. With the idea of doing more when I can. Whilst also getting my writing out into the public domain, even if no sod reads it ?

Think im 13 days in now, without checking. And I’ve got some responsibility with people expecting me to post. So it’s working.

i now need something for the house, which is where I might try the calendar.

[uttoxram75]

6 hours ago, Mostyn6 said:

I think I'm hurt that @uttoxram75 was there and doesn't remember me. Although I cannot remember who was who there! 

I was the one that told Mel he shouldn't have entered the dressing room. He then accused me of wanting him to just pay the money and be quiet, but I am not a demander of excessive spending. Anyway.. we digress.

I was not on breakfast gate, I went the first one where we had chicken and salad!

[DarkFruitsRam7]

On 04/02/2020 at 08:41, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

I literally started doing this today:

https://medium.com/@MrBuzzFactor/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-hack-don-t-break-the-chain-8d1944b8323d

Every time I get straight out of bed, without snoozing my alarm or messing about with my phone, I'm going to add a tally to a notepad. The same applies for when I go to the gym as scheduled. If I miss one day, the chain starts over. 

Perhaps you could try that for every day that you work on a project, be that gym, art, DIY, etc?

 

On 04/02/2020 at 08:44, SaintRam said:

I may give that a whirl.

 

On 04/02/2020 at 11:58, jimbo jones said:

I might have to pinch @DarkFruitsRam7/Jerry’s idea to.

Have either of you tried it?

I've got chains for three things: (1) Productive days (where I do pretty much everything I schedule); (2) Get ups (out of bed straight after my alarm) and (3) Gym (go whenever scheduled, which is three times a week).

The first one has been utterly abysmal. My poor attention span and inability to stay focused without checking social media or this forum has meant that I've never got this one off the ground. I really need to make a concerted effort to get a few tallies on the chart for this method to work.

The second one has been decent. I broke the habit of lying in bed on my phone after my alarm went off, or worse, snoozing my alarm. I had a fair few tallies on the chart until I had an unscheduled 20-minute lie in the other day. Ripped it up and started again, but I'm hopeful of getting my tallies up again.

I've been very good for going to the gym lately, and I think the chain method will really help now that I've got a decent streak going. The thought of ducking the gym this morning popped into my head, but my first thought subsequently was the tallies I've built up. 

Overall, I've found it reasonably effective, although I really need to get my head out of my arse productivity-wise.

[jimbo jones]

1 hour ago, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

 

 

Have either of you tried it?

 

I’ve been doing it for my working on blog posts (not necessarily posting something) Was a continuous chain until yesterday. Having been ill all week with a virus....just a normal one, not corona, I’m not that trendy....anyway, I kept it going through the illness, but yesterday I just felt mentally tired, and gave myself the day off.

Straight back on today though. Just doing one for now, might try something else later, but don’t want to over stretch myself right now.

[DarkFruitsRam7]

36 minutes ago, jimbo jones said:

I’ve been doing it for my working on blog posts (not necessarily posting something) Was a continuous chain until yesterday. Having been ill all week with a virus....just a normal one, not corona, I’m not that trendy....anyway, I kept it going through the illness, but yesterday I just felt mentally tired, and gave myself the day off.

Straight back on today though. Just doing one for now, might try something else later, but don’t want to over stretch myself right now.

Nice. Well done.