Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[Ghost of Clough]

2 hours ago, Norman said:

Yeah, what the duck would all us shift workers do without regular updates whilst we're at work every other Saturday? 

@SaintRam is sooooooo selfish for even suggesting it. I hope his exercise plan fails miserably.

Only joking, mate. You know I appreciate your matchday thread updates. Hope you stick with the plan and get to a game.... 

You better hope he has a good signal in the ground to keep you updated.

[Ramslad1992]

4 years ago today I had to have my best friend of 14 years put down... each year I convince myself it will be easier but it never is, people who don't have pets don't understand but I didn't just lose a pet, I lost my best friend, I lost a family member... I know a lot of people find it silly but I can count on one hand the amount of humans I've loved more than her. RIP Anya the rest of today will be hard just like it is every year and probably always will be. 

[DarkFruitsRam7]

20 minutes ago, Ramslad1992 said:

4 years ago today I had to have my best friend of 14 years put down... each year I convince myself it will be easier but it never is, people who don't have pets don't understand but I didn't just lose a pet, I lost my best friend, I lost a family member... I know a lot of people find it silly but I can count on one hand the amount of humans I've loved more than her. RIP Anya the rest of today will be hard just like it is every year and probably always will be. 

Really sorry to hear that mate. I love my dog to bits, and knowing that she's ageing rapidly isn't the nicest feeling.

I have to ask though, yours wasn't named after a certain £4 million pound winger was she?

[Ramslad1992]

1 minute ago, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

Really sorry to hear that mate. I love my dog to bits, and knowing that she's ageing rapidly isn't the nicest feeling.

I have to ask though, yours wasn't named after a certain £4 million pound winger was she?

It's the worst thing as a kid/young adult... she was my 10th birthday present and now I'm 27 it feels worlds apart. She was in fact named after a demon from buffy the vampire slayer! I had a weird obsession with that show as a kid... had her and a budgie called Buffy. In hindsight it was probably the Sarah Michelle Gellar thing that did it for me...

[DarkFruitsRam7]

1 minute ago, Ramslad1992 said:

It's the worst thing as a kid/young adult... she was my 10th birthday present and now I'm 27 it feels worlds apart. She was in fact named after a demon from buffy the vampire slayer! I had a weird obsession with that show as a kid... had her and a budgie called Buffy. In hindsight it was probably the Sarah Michelle Gellar thing that did it for me...

Our family had a dog that was around before I was born. Because I grew up around her, I never really appreciated her until the day I found out she was going to be put to sleep the next day (I was 9 years old). That's when I realised how much I had taken her for granted. I made sure to appreciate our next dog a lot more, which is why it's saddening that I can now see her ageing.

It's hard, but hopefully you look back on her life with happiness.

[Alph]

People fall out of love, parents fall out with their sons and daughters and siblings can end up enemies.

But it seems no matter what you say or do to a dog it forgives you and you're it's whole world. 

Losing a dog is heartbreaking. There's many many people I'd miss less than mine. 

Sorry about your dog @Ramslad1992. 

Mine went blind over one weekend and then when she went to the vets they said she was so ill that trying to fix her would be cruel and expensive. Although I'd have paid it. But they said she isn't coping well with being blind because her senses should be guiding her around the house and she just lay in her corner. No food or drink unless brought to her. Had to drag her out to the toilet and she was 50+Kg. 

Slept on her bed with her the night before they put her down. My missus still cries about her now and this was also 4 years ago

But that dog was there for our first house, first baby, first argument... everything. She got off before this ride stopped!! Cried like a baby in the vets.

We bought another Bullmastiff soon after and I think I was a bit of an arse to him. He was supposed to replace my old one but he was nothing like her. She was timid and cuddly and he was playful and always on the move. 

Now he's my best friend. I don't tell him that though. I tell him he's fat and useless. But he's alright for a dog. 

And I reckon if my 5 year old cried from a mile away he'd hear it. He loves her and she only ever criticises his personal hygiene.

[Ramslad1992]

10 hours ago, DarkFruitsRam7 said:

 

It's hard, but hopefully you look back on her life with happiness.

Oh definitely mate, she had a good life and gave me one of the happiest childhoods a boy could ask for. Truth be told since she went apart from the first couple of weeks I only really think of her in passing every now and again but today is always different. Today's always difficult, I've got a meeting with our wedding planner in an hour and I'm sat here moping about my dead dog. Tomorrow it will be completely different and I'll be fine.

 

9 hours ago, Alpha said:

People fall out of love, parents fall out with their sons and daughters and siblings can end up enemies.

But it seems no matter what you say or do to a dog it forgives you and you're it's whole world. 

Losing a dog is heartbreaking. There's many many people I'd miss less than mine. 

Sorry about your dog @Ramslad1992. 

Mine went blind over one weekend and then when she went to the vets they said she was so ill that trying to fix her would be cruel and expensive. Although I'd have paid it. But they said she isn't coping well with being blind because her senses should be guiding her around the house and she just lay in her corner. No food or drink unless brought to her. Had to drag her out to the toilet and she was 50+Kg. 

Slept on her bed with her the night before they put her down. My missus still cries about her now and this was also 4 years ago

But that dog was there for our first house, first baby, first argument... everything. She got off before this ride stopped!! Cried like a baby in the vets.

We bought another Bullmastiff soon after and I think I was a bit of an arse to him. He was supposed to replace my old one but he was nothing like her. She was timid and cuddly and he was playful and always on the move. 

Now he's my best friend. I don't tell him that though. I tell him he's fat and useless. But he's alright for a dog. 

And I reckon if my 5 year old cried from a mile away he'd hear it. He loves her and she only ever criticises his personal hygiene.

I totally understand you mate, it took me 3 years to get another dog and I couldn't get another Springer spaniel as I'd be just like you 'well Anya used to do this ehy don't you?' Or 'Anya never did that's

I think that's what the hardest part of today is... everyone else in the family said their goodbyes the night before and left me to take her to the vets. I was 23 when she was put down but I wasnt 23 that day, I was a 10 year old again saying goodbye to his best friend and it hurt. It still hurts especially today, even though I know it was best for her I still feel like I killed my dog.

[Alph]

13 hours ago, Ramslad1992 said:

Oh definitely mate, she had a good life and gave me one of the happiest childhoods a boy could ask for. Truth be told since she went apart from the first couple of weeks I only really think of her in passing every now and again but today is always different. Today's always difficult, I've got a meeting with our wedding planner in an hour and I'm sat here moping about my dead dog. Tomorrow it will be completely different and I'll be fine.

 

I totally understand you mate, it took me 3 years to get another dog and I couldn't get another Springer spaniel as I'd be just like you 'well Anya used to do this ehy don't you?' Or 'Anya never did that's

I think that's what the hardest part of today is... everyone else in the family said their goodbyes the night before and left me to take her to the vets. I was 23 when she was put down but I wasnt 23 that day, I was a 10 year old again saying goodbye to his best friend and it hurt. It still hurts especially today, even though I know it was best for her I still feel like I killed my dog.

I know what you're saying. It is a hard decision to make even though you know it's the right one. This is where if a dog could talk it would be pretty handy to tell us what they want to do. 

I think a dog can go happy though with feeling that love as they leave behind the pain and suffering. I mean I could sign up for going out like that couldn't you. 

Got wet eyeballs now!! 

[ariotofmyown]

@David and/or other posters. I never listen to podcast in past, but if there was ever to be another one, then one based around mental health could really make a difference to the world beyond this forum.

Some incredibly emotional stories on here and you can see how this community has helped people going through tough times. It acts as a good counter balance to the football and politics thread...no one posts any rubbish on this thread and it shows nearly everyone is pretty decent really.

[Wolfie]

11 hours ago, ariotofmyown said:

@David and/or other posters. I never listen to podcast in past, but if there was ever to be another one, then one based around mental health could really make a difference to the world beyond this forum.

Some incredibly emotional stories on here and you can see how this community has helped people going through tough times. It acts as a good counter balance to the football and politics thread...no one posts any rubbish on this thread and it shows nearly everyone is pretty decent really.

Elis James & John Robins have a 5Live one called "How do you cope, with Elis & John"

I've only heard snippets so far but it sounds really good how they discuss (in an entertaining way) how well known people have coped with difficult stuff, from depression to bereavement etc.

Worth a listen.

[ariotofmyown]

1 hour ago, Van Wolfie said:

Elis James & John Robins have a 5Live one called "How do you cope, with Elis & John"

I've only heard snippets so far but it sounds really good how they discuss (in an entertaining way) how well known people have coped with difficult stuff, from depression to bereavement etc.

Worth a listen.

Elis James is a top guy, been meaning to give this a listen.

[Bubbles]

Since end of July my life has been an absolute poo show.

Since the start of August I’ve lost my Nan & my Great Auntie and recently my great grandma has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Over the past month I’ve lost all motivation with life in general, ate too much, put on a stone and a half in 10 weeks, lost all effort to go to the gym.

Genuinely struggling but determined to improve, after a stressful day at work tomorrow i’m going to try and step foot in the gym once again?

Sorry for the ramble, just needed to get this off my chest and hopefully can use this to push on.

 

 

[DarkFruitsRam7]

13 minutes ago, Squid said:

Since end of July my life has been an absolute poo show.

Since the start of August I’ve lost my Nan & my Great Auntie and recently my great grandma has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Over the past month I’ve lost all motivation with life in general, ate too much, put on a stone and a half in 10 weeks, lost all effort to go to the gym.

Genuinely struggling but determined to improve, after a stressful day at work tomorrow i’m going to try and step foot in the gym once again?

Sorry for the ramble, just needed to get this off my chest and hopefully can use this to push on.

Sorry to hear that mate. Smash it in the gym tomorrow though. Small steps.

[jimbo jones]

I’ve been living with depression for nearly 20 years now. There’s been the good times and the bad times. 2019 was the worst. Both my kids are autistic.

My son got excluded from his special needs school in 2018. We went round every special needs school in Derbyshire, to be told not one of them could meet his needs. In short, the problems we had with my son were huge. We ended up getting a disability social worker and being tagged as a family in crisis.
 

In the end Derbyshire Council are having to pay for him to go to a private school in Nottingham. Which isn’t cheap ?

The difference in him at the new school was huge. So then we had the battle of just getting my daughter a diagnosis. For whatever reasons it’s a lot harder to get girls diagnosed. Her school were dismissive of anything being wrong  and extremely unhelpful. Eventually we got the diagnosis and she went up to junior school, who were much more helpful.

Then my partners sister passed away after a long illness at just 30. Obviously it was difficult for all of us. But my son found it really difficult, and the old problems were back. The last month he got back to where he was.

Me personally. I was on the brink when I went back to see my doctor. Who signed me off work. 4 months later and I’m no closer to being ready to go back and starting to get stressed about what I’m going to do about work.

my depression is just something I have. Ive done the counselling and basically been told I just have to manage. The amount of stress I’ve got going on is making that seem impossible a lot of the time.

ive started writing a blog, basically about me trying to deal with life having 2 kids with autism. Which is helping me get what’s on my mind out into “the universe” (or something like that) and getting into the “autism community” on twitter. Getting to know other parents who know what it’s like, which has been good.
 

Anyway this has been me getting things off my mind again....cheers ?

 

[Mostyn6]

wow @jimbo jones that's a tough read. I generally never know what to say to people who lay out their problems on here, but can sometimes find some common-sense type advice. I wouldn't know where to start with you cos you are also carrying the worry for others health as well as your own. My advice would normally be to break down your issues into different challenges as when altogether, they are too big an issue to resolve, but I don't think that's as realistic when you're talking about your children, I suppose you can take some pride in knowing you're clearly trying to be a great parent and there are "parents" out there who'll just let others deal with their children.

I would probably say, try your hardest to get your life back on track, and some routine/habits going, then other things might fall into place as things become simple in your own little bubble. It may sound selfish, but it's not.

Sincerely wishing you some good times soon Jimbo. 

[Alph]

11 hours ago, jimbo jones said:

.

 

Can only really echo mostyn mate as your experience I can't relate to.

But as I said before, I see depression as a virus/disease. It attacks you. It isolates you and then gets to work. It slips constant advice into rational thoughts. It's a hidden assassin. If it can overload your thoughts and keep your mind racing all the time then it's easier to slip it's dark thoughts in. 

I would just say you have to break everything down. One issue at a time. One thought at a time. Don't look at a million different outcomes and a response to each one. Don't try and plan and counter plan. 

Just tackle the nearest pain in the arse and do it as logically as possible. Present it to yourself as simple as possible. 

Some problems you can't deal with now and some you can. Work through them but pick one out that can be solved and get it done.

poo, it might be that the kitchen needs painting. So forget all the other poo and do that one. An easy one. But it just lets that little bit of stress out. You might have been losing 10-0 but now it's 9-1. It might seem pathetic compared to that huge bill you need to pay or whatever. But that isn't a problem you can solve today. So you will just have to survive that one and keep chucking it out your mind. Thinking about it won't solve it. But it will burden you and allow depression to slide in. 

It's really easy to get overwhelmed by life and it's really difficult emptying your mind to focus on the nearest issue. 

But it's an easier battle than fighting multiple opponents and worrying about the punches that all of them might or might not throw. 

The reality is grim enough, brother. duck facing fantasy. 

You just gotta get that score down. Small victories will do that. 

Obviously some obstacles will be very difficult to get over. Might take years. So make sure that the mind that has to deal with them hasn't got a load of shitty little problems prodding and poking at it. Get them dealt with. 

No rush though man. Each victory will give you a boost. It pushes poo mental health towards the exit. No matter how small the push or how far the exit, it doesn't matter. Depression works in the shadows to get you down and it can take ages to even realise you're under attack! You ain't smashing it in one afternoon. It can be a long hard war but broken down into a series of battles? You can win. But fight on your own terms. 

Good luck man.

Edited February 3, 2020 by Alpha

[jimbo jones]

Thanks @Mostyn6 you are right. I’ve come realise I’ve neglected myself, and in the end in turns out worse for everybody. 

as my daughter gets older, I’m seeing the same problems coming up with schools & services and it didn’t feel like I could do it all again. it’s hard to explain the mental strain of meeting after meeting about your children’s health.
 

Every 3 months we have a multi agency meeting, where we sit around a table with highly paid “experts” who stare at us blankly and hope we’ve got the answers. Then they promise to do things that never happen. Then at the last one after we’d managed to completely turn around how things were going with my sons behaviour. They basically said that they were amazed as they thought we were ducked and my son was going to have to go into care....I didn’t know whether to be happy or punch someone in the face ?

theres going to be plenty more battles ahead, and the only way I’m going to be ready for them, is if I’m in the right place. Im starting to find that but if time, but it’s not easy. I’m slipping at times. But compared to 5/6 months ago it’s better.

[jimbo jones]

@Alpha I decided months ago, one thing I can do is sort my house out. Which currently resembles raynesway tip. I think this has summed up where my head has been. I’ve gone from frantically doing random areas of the house in random rooms. To then giving up for days, leaving the house look no better over 2 months after I started, despite spending a huge amount of time on it. Which has now in my mind turned it into a massive issue that’s stressing me out more than anything else ?‍♂️
 

[Alph]

4 minutes ago, jimbo jones said:

 As my daughter gets older, I’m seeing the same problems coming up with schools & services and it didn’t feel like I could do it all again. 
 

Then at the last one after we’d managed to completely turn around how things were going with my sons behaviour. They basically said that they were amazed as they thought we were ducked and my son was going to have to go into care...

You can do it because you've done it. 

It might be fecking hard and take every bit of your strength. Strength you don't have right now or maybe just THINK you don't have.

Handle what you can handle, bro. Win what you can win. Get stronger. Or train yourself to think clearer so you think you are strong enough

It's hard, man. Properly hard. But you just need to pick what you face and when. The grim reality is you will have to face it all. But look what you have done with your son and what you are still doing. You did that while on your arse? Not bad is it really? Big victories from nowhere! Might have taken a lot out of you but you can recharge and go again by facing 1 issue at a time. The easiest most insignificant first. 

Get some cheap shots in and watch depression wobble. It's getting knocked the duck out later

[Alph]

2 minutes ago, jimbo jones said:

@Alpha I decided months ago, one thing I can do is sort my house out. Which currently resembles raynesway tip. I think this has summed up where my head has been. I’ve gone from frantically doing random areas of the house in random rooms. To then giving up for days, leaving the house look no better over 2 months after I started, despite spending a huge amount of time on it. Which has now in my mind turned it into a massive issue that’s stressing me out more than anything else ?‍♂️
 

Yes!! I know this one. 

I did the same. "Sorted" my whole house out. What a thick Bamford. A whole house!!? Why would I even do that??! 

Now I've got a whole house and in the whole house is unfinished rooms. Rooms I've been in and done a bit but not completed. Little bit of boxing in here, decorating there, new flooring here, new light fitting there.

Now I've got the whole house on my mind. Why?! Because I didn't follow my own advice. I didn't break it down.

Pick a room. The easiest room. Don't say "we should do the kitchen because it's the most important". Most important to who? To you? Are you sure? Because if you need a few victories for your sanity then the kitchen might actually be the least important. 

Pick a room you can do. Do it to completion. Do it to the highest standard you can. Pick a room you can afford. If there is rubbish in there then get rid properly. Don't move it to another room. You have to put your mind to doing a professional job on this room. duck the house. Do rooms. Room by affordable room. 

Just like anything, deal with what you can deal with. 

You will feel like you're getting somewhere. Both with the house and the ********. Take your time and just do it properly.