Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[DarkFruitsRam7]

21 minutes ago, Alpha said:

Ha! I'll take that!! 

What I love about this forum is that it's not really had any bravado. There isn't people presenting the best version of themselves because its anonymous. The mods and David do such an excellent job that you can't shoot people down and bully them out the door

So what we end up with is bit by bit, year by year, thanks to shitty football, people reveal themselves. Like the real them. 

Once people start putting themselves out there and seeing it's not rejected they show a bit more and you end up with beautiful threads like this one. 

I think I might be one of the many posters that spills nonsense from their brain onto these pages and I think others might see that as relatable even if they don't agree with me. 

I get that feel from numerous posters. I love reading their absolute rubbish. Your post about your play off match day plans was one of them. No bravado... just you typing words as they come in your head. I can tell as I read it. It was more interesting than looking at Big Dave's amazing night out pictures of balls

You don't get that on Facebook. Posts are planned mostly. Thought through for how others will read them. Like I am sure new posters do on here

In time, on here, people talk poo. Protected by anonymity. And it becomes such a comfortable place. 

I think people just relate to anyone who leaves a post unedited exactly as it left their brain. I do it all the time so that probably helps me get on with most people. Or I feel like I get on with most people. If I don't then that would be pretty gutting knowing short of seeing my face this is me! 

Hope we win on Monday, mate. For many reasons but it's a wicked day you have lined up and I hope you can sink dark fruits with your nearest and dearest with a daft grin on your face!

You're right about words just spilling onto the screen, rather than being the result of careful planning. I get that sense with your posts, especially your analogies, though they always remain eloquent. It's where my (slightly less eloquent) 'drunken' match reports come from but, to be honest, they're powered more by elation and passion than alcohol. The same goes for the post you mentioned about drinking plans - that was fuelled by the excitement of all my potential plans (travel, meeting points, etc.) coming together and I couldn't wait to share them. Most importantly of all, it's posts on threads such as this that benefit from such spontaneity.

I really like the anonymity on here too and it only adds to what we've both talked about. It's why I don't really like it when people I know in person realise who I am. It's happened twice so far and I don't intend for it to happen again!

Thanks for the best wishes.

Edited May 21, 2019 by BurtonRam7

[ronnieronalde]

You all know I find writing therapeutic by now right? Loneliness and if ANYONE ever feels like this, drop me a message and I'll be there like a shot.

Nobody visits because Nobody cares.
Nobody asks How are you? because Nobody dares.
Nobody writes and Nobody calls
Nobody worries how far he falls.

He’s Nobodies lover and Nobodies true friend
He has Nobody to keep fighting for, right until the end
He’s found himself being somebody Nobody chose,
Nobody thinks of and Nobody knows.

There’s Nobody with him as he eventually falls asleep
And Nobodies there again to dry the tears he can’t help but weep.
Nobody by his side, Nobody in his bed.
Nobody to turn to when he gets those thoughts in his head.

Now he recognises Nobody to be his best friend.
And he needs Nobody to help his heart mend.
He wants Nobody to come around for a talk.
And he waits for Nobody to take him out for that walk.

He knows Nobody is the one he can trust
And he’ll talk to Nobody as often as he must.
Nobody makes him laugh , Nobody makes him cry.
Nobody makes him get up in the morning and Nobody tells him why.

Thank God for Nobody. Where would he be without you?

[Rev]

I have to say, I loved @BurtonRam7 matchday plan too.

No bravado, no BS, just a lad looking forward to possibly the best day of his life, and sharing it with family and friends.

Even if it goes tits up, I get the feeling it's a day he'll remember forever regardless of result, because he's shared it with the people who matter, and made the time to make it that way.

[Mostyn6]

I’m in a lot of pain. Hopefully it’s natural and I will adjust, but today one of my closest friends died, aged 39. I’ve known him for 30 years. He’s one of a very small number of people that I trust unconditionally.

Death happens all the time, I know this, but my mate Neil was put through the ultimate cruelty of pain and illness. He had bad diabetes, then sepsis, survived those for a while whilst having to live on crutches awaiting a hip operation that never came cos his organs were so damaged and his blood too tainted. 

In the end his heart stopped, his brain died and this afternoon his body shut down and he faded away within ten minutes of the ventilator being switched off, me and several others lost a massive part of our lives ?

Rest in Peace: Neil Anthony Ward 07/05/1980 - 21/05/2019 x

[ronnieronalde]

9 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

I’m in a lot of pain. Hopefully it’s natural and I will adjust, but today one of my closest friends died, aged 39. I’ve known him for 30 years. He’s one of a very small number of people that I trust unconditionally.

Death happens all the time, I know this, but my mate Neil was put through the ultimate cruelty of pain and illness. He had bad diabetes, then sepsis, survived those for a while whilst having to live on crutches awaiting a hip operation that never came cos his organs were so damaged and his blood too tainted. 

In the end his heart stopped, his brain died and this afternoon his body shut down and he faded away within ten minutes of the ventilator being switched off, me and several others lost a massive part of our lives ?

Rest in Peace: Neil Anthony Ward 07/05/1980 - 21/05/2019 x

I know this sounds strange Mostyn pal , the timing maybe isn't right but give it some thought.

Write him a letter telling him how you feel about him, tell him about the best and the worst memories you shared, write it as if he's still here and you're going to give it to him. Be as honest as you have ever been with anyone or about anything.

It will hurt like hell and you might not stop crying for hours but it's a beautiful thing to do and it will really bring you some peace in time.

I'm so sorry for you pal.

After we had such a rocky start to our forum relationship, you're someone I've come to view as an internet friend, someone I'd love to meet and someone I would always help in any way I could. I'm only a message away pal.

Write the letter, get some sleep.

[dcfcfan1]

2 hours ago, Alpha said:

I don't even do Twitter or Facebook but I can see how they must kick people in the nuts. 

I mean it's a bit like having relationship issues and every song on the radio seems relevant. Your brain seems to pick out things on social media and start reminding you that you don't have this or that. You're not that handsome, thin, tall, pretty. They're a better parent, they earn more money, they have a better career, a nicer car, more friends. 

It's like holding a mirror up to your life when you're not in the right place mentally. Looking how much of a feck up you've made. When you view it then it's a mirror.

Yet when you post on it then suddenly it's a sales pitch. I'm super good looking, drive this car, look at my beautiful kids, look at me in the sun, look at my living room. Obviously not everyone is out there to boast. But we like to present the best "me" to the world. And it gets competitive between a lot of insecure people which leads to more insecure people. 

Facebook isn't really reality. Reality TV isn't reality. But anything that offers security or insecurity sells. A lot of people are looking for comfort or are in competition. 

I think as soon as you accept that your poo stinks and your best is good enough that you can live happily ever after. But even being aware of what social media is like doesn't help. Even not using it at all isn't protection. Our brains are all warped with mental images of the people we should be. Even if it's not jealousy of Dave and his new Range Rover it might be that your brain is showing you a better version of yourself. 

But when you are on your arse and still looking at the perfect world of everyone else... that is a kick in the nuts. If you think it might not be helpful, log out

100 percent. Im a big advocate for self improvement, getting out your comfort zone, not feeling sorry for yourself, but social medial is just fake bs. You see dave in his ferrari but dont see the struggles he went through to get there. You see becky with her engagement ring on but dont see the arguments she has daily with her partner. It only shows one side of the coin.

 

As for @rynny, all I can say is sorry to hear and best of luck

[Alph]

1 hour ago, Mostyn6 said:

I’m in a lot of pain. Hopefully it’s natural and I will adjust, but today one of my closest friends died, aged 39. I’ve known him for 30 years. He’s one of a very small number of people that I trust unconditionally.

Death happens all the time, I know this, but my mate Neil was put through the ultimate cruelty of pain and illness. He had bad diabetes, then sepsis, survived those for a while whilst having to live on crutches awaiting a hip operation that never came cos his organs were so damaged and his blood too tainted. 

In the end his heart stopped, his brain died and this afternoon his body shut down and he faded away within ten minutes of the ventilator being switched off, me and several others lost a massive part of our lives ?

Rest in Peace: Neil Anthony Ward 07/05/1980 - 21/05/2019 x

It's another one I'm clueless about mate. I'm sure you'll get experienced advice on how to cope on here

All I can say is hang in there. Roll with the shots and one day you'll treasure his life more than mourn his death I guess. We all think of how we'll be remembered and none of us want our passing to be the story. Hopefully you will soon get to a point where you can celebrate his life. 

Don't know how you get there. Time heals?  All the best, mostyn

[dcfcfan1]

2 hours ago, Alpha said:

This thread should be for anybody who needs to empty their brains. It doesn't matter imo what makes sense or anything like that. If its hurting then let it all fall out in here and maybe  someone can help pick up the pieces.

What would be terrible is anyone reading this thread thinking "well compared to that my problems don't seem so bad" and keeping it to themselves. 

Anyone who's on their arse should post in here. It doesn't matter if you have a "valid" reason or if it fits in. Sometimes people fall on their arse and getting back up is that bit that matters. Doesn't matter who had the biggest fall. 

I can't offer you much, bro. Other than my best wishes. I know feck all about people passing away. I know that life likes to punch you sometimes and you don't always see a way to ride the shots. But if you do keep rolling on then eventually it gets lost and punches someone else. That's one thing that applies to anyone in this thread with whatever issues. You just keep hanging in there and you'll pick up a win. Easier said than done but experiences teaches us it's true. 

To be fair, I use the "my problems arent as bad as everyone elses" a lot. By problems I mean "Envy/things I dont have, odd digs here and there at me". I find that it helps me. It gives me a sense of perspective, makes me feel grateful, less negative and more positive. Im really sorry if this offends anyone (note, I am not talking about illness or grief here) but its human nature to worry and obssess over what you dont/cant have (whether its a nice car, big house, or a girlfriend ect) rather than appreciate and make the most out of what you DO have

[dcfcfan1]

2 hours ago, Alpha said:

 

I think as soon as you accept that your poo stinks and your best is good enough that you can live happily ever after. But even being aware of what social media is like doesn't help. Even not using it at all isn't protection. Our brains are all warped with mental images of the people we should be. Even if it's not jealousy of Dave and his new Range Rover it might be that your brain is showing you a better version of yourself. 

 

Just reading this post again, because I find it so powerful. I do think that the bit I highlighted in bold is actually a good thing if it isnt completely unrealistic. I think the minute you stop having goals, ambitions, doing things you hate but are good for you, criticisms of yourself, (healthy ones, not "Im not tall and dont have a 6 pack), life does lose its meaning.

 

 

[Comrade 86]

22 hours ago, rynny said:

I've tried posting a few times in here, but it just didn't sit right each time I've wrote it out.

As some of you know I did the cancer research relay for life last year, my grandma was diagnosed over 2 years ago with a very rare form of cancer. She went through all the treatments, operations, chemotherapy etc and was told she was in remission last April, she joined me at the relay and did the survivors lap and had a great day of it. However in September she took a turn for the worse, she went for some tests and  found out the cancer had returned very aggressively. Over the next 6 weeks she deteriorated rapidly. But as the strong woman she had always been she battled to the very end. There were days where we were told to expect the worse, yet she kept fighting and holding on. She eventually passed away peacefully in her sleep. 

At the same time my wife's grandma was on the same ward, in the next room. We were told to expect the worse, she battled on for a few months but lost her battle at the start of this year. 

Then this morning my wife's grandad has passed away (from her mother's side, grandma was from her dad's side) he has been suffering from dementia for the last 6 years.

To say the last 6-8 months have been poo is a bit of an understatement.

I feel like this is something I've needed to write and down but not known where. 

Really tough year Rynny. Hope you're coping ok, or as best you can. Also really hope that the next 12 months bring you some much needed joy starting with Monday. Stay strong mate. We're all here for you, obviously. 

[Comrade 86]

10 hours ago, Mostyn6 said:

I’m in a lot of pain. Hopefully it’s natural and I will adjust, but today one of my closest friends died, aged 39. I’ve known him for 30 years. He’s one of a very small number of people that I trust unconditionally.

Death happens all the time, I know this, but my mate Neil was put through the ultimate cruelty of pain and illness. He had bad diabetes, then sepsis, survived those for a while whilst having to live on crutches awaiting a hip operation that never came cos his organs were so damaged and his blood too tainted. 

In the end his heart stopped, his brain died and this afternoon his body shut down and he faded away within ten minutes of the ventilator being switched off, me and several others lost a massive part of our lives ?

Rest in Peace: Neil Anthony Ward 07/05/1980 - 21/05/2019 x

Such sad news Mostyn. Not a lot I can say really other than sincere condolences and that I hope you can get to a place where his memory makes you smile rather than upsetting you. Cliched as it is, time does heal, though I appreciate that's probably very little comfort right now. 

[Smyth_18]

11 hours ago, Alpha said:

Ha! I'll take that!! 

What I love about this forum is that it's not really had any bravado. There isn't people presenting the best version of themselves because its anonymous. The mods and David do such an excellent job that you can't shoot people down and bully them out the door

So what we end up with is bit by bit, year by year, thanks to shitty football, people reveal themselves. Like the real them. 

Once people start putting themselves out there and seeing it's not rejected they show a bit more and you end up with beautiful threads like this one. 

I think I might be one of the many posters that spills nonsense from their brain onto these pages and I think others might see that as relatable even if they don't agree with me. 

I get that feel from numerous posters. I love reading their absolute rubbish. Your post about your play off match day plans was one of them. No bravado... just you typing words as they come in your head. I can tell as I read it. It was more interesting than looking at Big Dave's amazing night out pictures of balls

You don't get that on Facebook. Posts are planned mostly. Thought through for how others will read them. Like I am sure new posters do on here

In time, on here, people talk poo. Protected by anonymity. And it becomes such a comfortable place. 

I think people just relate to anyone who leaves a post unedited exactly as it left their brain. I do it all the time so that probably helps me get on with most people. Or I feel like I get on with most people. If I don't then that would be pretty gutting knowing short of seeing my face this is me! 

Hope we win on Monday, mate. For many reasons but it's a wicked day you have lined up and I hope you can sink dark fruits with your nearest and dearest with a daft grin on your face!

Exactly this. I talk soooo much poo on here. Far too much! 

Looking deeper into it, it's probably because i struggle to be me and voice my opinions in real life.

 

[swanny]

On 09/04/2019 at 03:38, SouthStandDan said:

Took my girlfriend away this past weekend. Every day I felt like having a panic attack. I felt terrible, not only physically but mental it was so tough. I was constantly having to do things to stop the effects. It tends to happen when I get an adrenaline rush. For instance, at Derby games I’ve felt awful too. At work, when I have to speak in front of people I feel faint. Dizzy and struggling to breathe at times. It’s like my body cannot cope with excitement and it’s heartbreaking for me. I seemingly can’t do ordinary social activities without having to concentrate on my breathing or feeling sick. I don’t understand why this keeps occurring.

I had a panic attack nearly 2 years ago and the aftermath has never gone away. It was so random. I think I just felt faint and tried desperately to control, which ended up me being carted in the back of the ambulance. I don’t understand how one moment can then ultimately, not make me feel like the same man anymore. I’m a healthy person, I’ve cut out eating rubbish. Talking about it to a GP feels embarrassing as they’ll probably put me on drugs and I don’t want to take them. I want my brain to be retrained and I don’t know how. My girlfriend reckons I’m producing too much adrenaline but how is that possible. It’s so bizarre and I don’t want this to affect my personal relationships. 

Damn it.

I'm in a similar place mate, though id say not as bad you.  anxiety has led to heart palpitations, erratic or racing  beats, bloody terrifying and make me think i;m about to snuff it. checked out at drs and the heart itself is fine. on beta blockers now and if they are helping its very minor. my anxiety seems to build up over a period of months and then takes a few to go away again. best thing i've found so far is moving soil/hardcore about in the garden for a project. something about physical activity in my upper body seems to sort out the anxious chest feeling. big cut in caffeine too, and booze.  feeling healthier too. anyone need any soil moving? 

[Boycie]

Well, this weathers not helping much is it?

when will it end? This time last year is was red hot.

Its not helping lift moods is it? Constantly drizzling, chucking it down or steady showers.

As soon as there a break and the sun comes out and I venture down the garden it clouds over and pee’s down again.

?

[Sith Happens]

22 minutes ago, Boycie said:

Well, this weathers not helping much is it?

when will it end? This time last year is was red hot.

Its not helping lift moods is it? Constantly drizzling, chucking it down or steady showers.

As soon as there a break and the sun comes out and I venture down the garden it clouds over and pee’s down again.

?

So its your fault? Please stop wearing shorts!!

[froggg]

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2206249-two-hours-a-week-spent-outdoors-in-nature-linked-with-better-health/

[Boycie]

58 minutes ago, froggg said:

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2206249-two-hours-a-week-spent-outdoors-in-nature-linked-with-better-health/

Be nice if you can without getting wet through!?

The links true, my doctor told me to go walking etc when I went to see him about feeling a bit down recently.  Finding time is the problem, unless you’re retired like Mr @froggg is ?

[Smyth_18]

On 15/06/2019 at 16:08, Boycie said:

Be nice if you can without getting wet through!?

The links true, my doctor told me to go walking etc when I went to see him about feeling a bit down recently.  Finding time is the problem, unless you’re retired like Mr @froggg is ?

I'm in the same boat (No pun intended) and wondered if it was weather related.

For the first time ever my sleep is being affected too.

I think a huge part of it is the fact that Billy has an appointment with the community paediatrician tomorrow regarding his development. 

[Boycie]

2 hours ago, Smyth_18 said:

I'm in the same boat (No pun intended) and wondered if it was weather related.

For the first time ever my sleep is being affected too.

I think a huge part of it is the fact that Billy has an appointment with the community paediatrician tomorrow regarding his development. 

I think it must be, lack of sunlight and all that, coupled with your brain working overtime worrying.

[David]

Having shared my health issues on the defunct podcast, I figured I would give an update to the regular listeners, if anyone else is interested read on. Will be a long post, definitely not looking for any kind of sympathy, if anything I am an absolute idiot for trying to wait it out.

If anyone follows my Instagram or Twitter will probably be aware I had a bit of a rough day yesterday, just wasn't up for coming on the forum despite the humour which was on display about the situation. 

For those that didn't listen to the podcast, around 3 years ago in the August whilst taking a multivitamin I swallowed my partial denture for a tooth I broke and had to have removed. This partial denture covered the room of my mouth, it's not a small thing to swallow.

Since that went down the hatch I have had nothing stomach issues ever since, quite bad, but chose to tough it out.

I went to A&E where I had X-Rays, nothing, it was only after they questioned me more on the denture and when they realised it had no metal it was a complete waste of time. Was sent home with funny looks and told to return if I had any chest pains. Never had any and a few weeks passed, nothing else as far as I'm aware I had crippling pain in my stomach so went into A&E, X-Ray'd me again and the verdict was I was full of poo. Literally.

Drink plenty of water and I would be fine, wasn't concerned by the denture at all. 

Then nothing, nothing but more pain. Every day. Anxiety set it, toilet trips had become horrendous adventures. I tried various diets, gluten free, low fodmap which I'm still on to this day despite it not really helping. I have taken a bit of stick for not going to games for the last season, season and half, but when some days it's a challenge to even get off the toilet, travelling 2 and half hours to Pride Park and bouncing in the South Stand with Lampard would not have been good. 

Actually tried to make a U23 game one night, guessed with less fans toilets wouldn't be the same issue. Had to turn back half way there due to traffic, got stuck in a pile up over a crash and wouldn't have made kick off. 

Season ticket still renewed for this season, determined to get back on my feet and back in the SS, takes away the whole should I buy a match ticket or not. Call me weird but also this club has supported the forum a lot, £400 on a season ticket supports them back. Every penny counts in this FFP world.

Anyhow, in the 3 years I have gone from a unhealthy (due to alcohol and KFC) 18st 5lb stone to 10st 10lb, XL to S, 38" waist to 31". I was always thin until I hit 21, then everything I ate stuck to me like glue because of the alcohol.

I went to a GP in the January but due to the anxiety they didn't think I would be up for the MRI, had to sort the anxiety first, which he believed was giving me the pains, but wasn't willing to give me anything for it. I wasn't up for being a zombie and was told he can see I'm mentally strong enough to get over this with coping mechanisms which I already reeled off a list to him. I've read a lot on anxiety and I mean a lot. I'm an unprofessional expert. Kinda.

So that's where it really got left. Truth to be told the anxiety hasn't improved, pains have got worse. And then yesterday. Well it started on Wednesday night where I visited the toilet every hour from 5pm, through the night, barely slept. Eat 3 Vindaloo's back to back and that might trigger the same reaction. Now baring in mind my diet is down to pretty much potato, chicken, fish something wasn't right.

Yesterday around 10.30 emptying what seemed to be a never ending supply of rear sewage I had a sharp pain in my stomach, how I'm guessing you would feel had you been stabbed. My stomach went numb an pretty much took my legs away from me. Crawled back to the sofa, with an odd numb, throbbing pain.

Home alone, as I was when swallowing the denture I freaked out a little, thought this was the day I had been waiting for convinced this denture would rupture something. Crawled to the front door to unlock it as the plan was to ring an ambulance, the pain was that severe when trying to walk just brought me back to my knees.

11.18am and 4 minutes on the phone to 999 they suggested I either walk to the hospital or go to my local GP before advising me to ring 111 before disconnecting. I wasn't life threatening to them.

111 was a 20 minute call, trying to replay a story to someone on the phone wasn't easy in so much pain but the 2nd operator in agreed to send an ambulance but I'm not priority and would be with me within 2 hours.

Phoned the missus, no answer. She works an hour away.

Used my second life line and phoned a friend who dragged me into his car, on arriving at the hospital the queue for A&E reception was out the main doors. This would have been an hour wait just to get to reception so we went back to mine to wait out for the ambulance. 

Ambulance arrived just after 4pm, 5hrs later, by now the pain had dulled a little but the paramedics were concerned and hauled me in the back and wheeled me off to hospital, bypassing all the walk ins I was put on a IV straight away and looked at super quick.

I will skip the next further 5 hours of what he and she said, but after a finger up the rear and 5 hours of tests my blood showed inflammation of the bowl.

The surgeon I think she said she was, debated over a CT scan last night, keeping me in or letting me go and come back in the morning. It was to check for signs of Colitis or Diverticulitis which they believe it is.

I questioned if the denture would show on this, what denture? I then had to explain from the start again how the pains all started from this, quickly scuttled away to speak with the registrar after informing me they will probably scan me tonight and keep me in.

10 minutes later, I'm told it's highly unlikely, almost impossible that the denture is still inside me after this long. They have seen much large items pass through the system and out the other end. Not convinced I keep pushing her on this, and told you would be surprised what the human body can do. Missus gave me the I told you so look. As they do.

Also because of the material a CT scan would not show it up. On the advice from this unseen registrar the denture was not any concern, that's long gone, Colitis or Diverticulitis is the main concern and to have this confirmed they need to run a Colonoscopy. 

I pushed for a MRI scan still believing this all can't be a coincidence with the timing but was told they wouldn't do one just for my peace of mind, I argued the case of the bloke that swallowed a plastic fork and was in him for 10 years which I read online, I was told to stay off the internet, no chance.

So that's basically where I am. Trawling through Colitis information last night, all sounds like me, even have the mouth ulcers and dodgy joints to go with it. Sounds plausible and despite being a life long condition after this long I have no fear over a diagnosis as medication is available, if I can return to a "normal" life whilst managing the symptoms it's better than the alternative of nothing found, MRI now....oh look the denture, under the knife you go and selling my story to The Sun for £100.

As I say, the reason I'm posting this isn't sympathy, definitely don't want any, my own fault for doing a Nigel Pearson for 3 years, I should have been hammering down the GP door every week. 

That's your update and as for the podcast, maybe one day if they figure this out, don't want to commit to anything when I feel so crap.