Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[i-Ram]

On 16/02/2024 at 18:33, Scott129 said:

My dad finally lost his battle this morning at the ridiculous age of 64.

Over the past month or so, he got stuck in a cycle of having excess fluid drained, the fluid coming back, being drained again, etc. The fluid eventually got into his lungs and, on top of that, he had the cancer in the background (which they couldn't directly treat because of all of the draining), and a skin infection that eventually led to sepsis. It was just too many issues for him to fight, even though he gave it a damn good go.

He deteriorated rapidly last night to the point of being very agitated and delirious, and I got a call from the nurses to come in at 3am. I knew it was the beginning of the end then, and the decision was made to withdraw treatment at about 11am. He went very peacefully within the hour.

Part of me wants to carry on like normal - go to the match tomorrow and have a few drinks after - but the healthiest decision is probably to skip it and have a bit of alone time to process it all.

I echo the last sentence of my previous post too - f*** cancer.

So sorry to hear your news Scott. As you say 64 is no age (I am 63 this year) and losing your dad at that age is tragic. I hope you have some great memories of your times together. Take care.

[Comrade 86]

34 minutes ago, i-Ram said:

So sorry to hear your news CR. Wishing you and your family the very best for the future.

@Comrade 86 I suspect your fat fingers meant you hit the wrong emoji. Just thought you might want to update.

My bad. Thanks for heads up

Edited March 4 by Comrade 86
My fat head

[Mucker1884]

27 minutes ago, i-Ram said:

So sorry to hear your news CR. Wishing you and your family the very best for the future.

@Comrade 86 I suspect your fat fingers meant you hit the wrong emoji. Just thought you might want to update.

 

6 minutes ago, Comrade 86 said:

Said he wants the Rams to bring him some cheer, hence the Come On You Rams emoji.

Fat head fail on your part maybe? 😋

Go back further... for once, @i-Ram makes a good point!  👀

 

 

Chin up Chellers.  May The Rams bring you something to smile about.  🐏

[Comrade 86]

31 minutes ago, i-Ram said:

So sorry to hear your news CR. Wishing you and your family the very best for the future.

@Comrade 86 I suspect your fat fingers meant you hit the wrong emoji. Just thought you might want to update.

 

1 minute ago, Mucker1884 said:

 

Go back further... for once, @i-Ram makes a good point!  👀

Apologies to @i-Ram 

[Ram-Alf]

He had the world at his feet...and then 🤷‍♂️

https://news.sky.com/story/paul-gascoigne-says-he-is-a-sad-drunk-living-in-his-agents-spare-room-13088285

[Stive Pesley]

So disappointing to see the Work & Pensions Secretary Mel Stride saying that the de-stigmatisation of mental health issues has gone “too far” and that we should just consider it the “normal ups and downs of human life”

I'm pretty sure that most people who have contributed to this thread have had their mental health struggles and found that it's the de-stigmatisation of mental health issues which has allowed them to open up - and that's a brilliant thing. None of us are alone

It disgusts me that we have dinosaurs like this in positions of power who think we should  go back to the days of telling people to "just get over it" 😞

[Wolfie]

37 minutes ago, Stive Pesley said:

So disappointing to see the Work & Pensions Secretary Mel Stride saying that the de-stigmatisation of mental health issues has gone “too far” and that we should just consider it the “normal ups and downs of human life”

I'm pretty sure that most people who have contributed to this thread have had their mental health struggles and found that it's the de-stigmatisation of mental health issues which has allowed them to open up - and that's a brilliant thing. None of us are alone

It disgusts me that we have dinosaurs like this in positions of power who think we should  go back to the days of telling people to "just get over it" 😞

While I 100% agree with that, I know of 2 people in my circle of acqaintances who are currently "playing the mental health card" to get out of working. One of them even said, with a big smile, that metal health is becoming the new "bad back".

Sadly there will always be the few, who will end up making it harder for the many. It's not wrong for those playing the game to be called out on it.

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

1 minute ago, Wolfie said:

While I 100% agree with that, I know of 2 people in my circle of acqaintances who are currently "playing the mental health card" to get out of working. One of them even said, with a big smile, that metal health is becoming the new "bad back".

Sadly there will always be the few, who will end up making it harder for the many. It's not wrong for those playing the game to be called out on it.

How would you judge that though ?  A physical injury can be assessed by an X-ray.

[Mostyn6]

1 hour ago, Stive Pesley said:

So disappointing to see the Work & Pensions Secretary Mel Stride saying that the de-stigmatisation of mental health issues has gone “too far” and that we should just consider it the “normal ups and downs of human life”

I'm pretty sure that most people who have contributed to this thread have had their mental health struggles and found that it's the de-stigmatisation of mental health issues which has allowed them to open up - and that's a brilliant thing. None of us are alone

It disgusts me that we have dinosaurs like this in positions of power who think we should  go back to the days of telling people to "just get over it" 😞

I think it's dangerous. The link between men (particularly in my age range) committing suicide and their feelings of not wanting to burden/bother anyone is quite large. When I was in my bad place, the feeling of solitude and nobody understanding was quite overwhelming. This forum helped me get away from those feelings and took away my shame and embarrassment for the feelings I had. This, in a long line of out of touch politicians, has been quite stupid here but I hope we have come too far and will continue to.

[Stive Pesley]

48 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

While I 100% agree with that, I know of 2 people in my circle of acqaintances who are currently "playing the mental health card" to get out of working. One of them even said, with a big smile, that metal health is becoming the new "bad back".

Sadly there will always be the few, who will end up making it harder for the many. It's not wrong for those playing the game to be called out on it.

Whilst that's true, it is and always will be a tiny minority that succeed in gaming the system. Certainly when it comes to claiming long term benefits. I have close friends with disabilities that limit their mobility and ability to work and the hoops they have had to jump through to get PIP payments are unbelievable to the point of being dehumanising. It has actually had an adverse effect on their mental health to even go through it!

In terms of those who get signed off work short-term by a GP for mental health issues - regardless of whether they joke about it or not, if they really hate their job so much that they are willing to go to those lengths then you might argue that they have bigger mental health issues than they realise!

 

[Archied]

8 hours ago, Stive Pesley said:

Whilst that's true, it is and always will be a tiny minority that succeed in gaming the system. Certainly when it comes to claiming long term benefits. I have close friends with disabilities that limit their mobility and ability to work and the hoops they have had to jump through to get PIP payments are unbelievable to the point of being dehumanising. It has actually had an adverse effect on their mental health to even go through it!

In terms of those who get signed off work short-term by a GP for mental health issues - regardless of whether they joke about it or not, if they really hate their job so much that they are willing to go to those lengths then you might argue that they have bigger mental health issues than they realise!

 

For me , although we have come a long way in terms of bringing these issues out into the open so people don’t need to be alone or feel any kind of shame we just havnt in any way moved forward in trying to formulate the best course of action to help people, 

[Mucker1884]

6 minutes ago, Archied said:

For me , although we have come a long way in terms of bringing these issues out into the open so people don’t need to be alone or feel any kind of shame we just havnt in any way moved forward in trying to formulate the best course of action to help people, 

Problem is, there is no single course of action.  There can be a lot of trial and error involved.  Swapping from one potential remedy to another... until (hopefully) one such remedy is successful (or at least aids improvement, if a cure proves impossible).
I suspect the "experts" will be learning and developing techniques and remedies for evermore. 

Our family has witnessed (are witnessing?) great results (which currently appear to be a full on success, fingers crossed!) with EMDR, but the evidence is out there to suggest it's not for everyone!

 

[Stive Pesley]

1 hour ago, Mucker1884 said:

Problem is, there is no single course of action.  There can be a lot of trial and error involved.  Swapping from one potential remedy to another... until (hopefully) one such remedy is successful (or at least aids improvement, if a cure proves impossible).
I suspect the "experts" will be learning and developing techniques and remedies for evermore. 

Our family has witnessed (are witnessing?) great results (which currently appear to be a full on success, fingers crossed!) with EMDR, but the evidence is out there to suggest it's not for everyone!

 

Agreed - to say "we haven't in any way moved forward" is plainly daft. 50 years ago we'd be attaching electrodes to people's heads and zapping them stupid. 100 years ago we'd be doing lobotomies

I've had CBT and it really helped me 

[Gee SCREAMER !!]

1 hour ago, Stive Pesley said:

Agreed - to say "we haven't in any way moved forward" is plainly daft. 50 years ago we'd be attaching electrodes to people's heads and zapping them stupid. 100 years ago we'd be doing lobotomies

I've had CBT and it really helped me 

I've had CBT and it did diddly.  They also put me on a list for 6 months to start it and changed the person doing it halfway who scoffed at what the person did before.  As it didn't work  I then spent another 6 months trying to find an alternative they couldn't offer as the service is CBT obsessed.  After another assessment they decided EMDR to deal with a past traumatic event may help .  I emphasise this wasn't offered but should be available so I pushed for it.  The therapist new nothing about my past history, which after copious notes were taken was very demoralising. After 4 very intensive sessions which aren't that pleasant, I was advised the therapist was moving to another trust so they suspended it and I waited 4 weeks to get another assessor. Guess what, this new therapist wasn't happy with what the previous one had done and wanted too start again.  At this point I gave up and was advised they'd keep me on file but the first point of call would be CBT.   

Glad it worked for you but if like me it doesn't, neither the therapist to try something different or listening to what you saying is very high on the agenda.  I imagine it's worse now they've merged PCT therapy regionally.

[Archied]

7 hours ago, Mucker1884 said:

Problem is, there is no single course of action.  There can be a lot of trial and error involved.  Swapping from one potential remedy to another... until (hopefully) one such remedy is successful (or at least aids improvement, if a cure proves impossible).
I suspect the "experts" will be learning and developing techniques and remedies for evermore. 

Our family has witnessed (are witnessing?) great results (which currently appear to be a full on success, fingers crossed!) with EMDR, but the evidence is out there to suggest it's not for everyone!

 

That’s kind of what I mean mucker, some need time and rest , some need gentle pushing into a position of being active filling time and space , some( though not as many as are palmed off ) need medication ,some need a mix of all 3 and rather than provide the services needed there’s a push to one size fits all,

some really do need help understanding that what they are experiencing is not necessarily mental health problems in the full sense but rather life’s difficulties ( no less devastating to some ) and need to be helped to understand this and helped with coping mechanisms ,

Time with a good counsellor coupled with our new found openness in a timely manner , available to all at no cost or massive waiting list would go a long long way to getting positive results 

[Archied]

6 hours ago, Stive Pesley said:

Agreed - to say "we haven't in any way moved forward" is plainly daft. 50 years ago we'd be attaching electrodes to people's heads and zapping them stupid. 100 years ago we'd be doing lobotomies

I've had CBT and it really helped me 

You’re not really getting what I’m saying , if we are getting it so much more right then why have and are suicide rates going through the roof ? Yes there’s there’s terrible stuff / wrongs in the past but that does not mean that’s there’s any less wrongs now even if they are less obvious, 

how many people are thrown into a community they can’t cope with who need good care and even residential care , left to bounce between police cells and accident and emergency being handled by people not trained to help who often through pressure are making things worse to the point of people harming themselves and others ,

im very open about my experience of losing a child to suicide and time spent working as a counsellor in prisons simply because I think it’s the right way to go not because I in some daft way think it means I have all the answers or my opinion has anymore value than anybody else s , it just means I don’t throw stuff out Willy nilly without a care ,

one of the worst things about my time in the prison area was that when you had success with people there was duck all follow up help after our 12 weeks and they were back in the day to day prison routine having opened up and started to dismantle the self destructive shield they had built to survive the poo they had most times been through ,,, really troubled me as to whether we we were actually doing more harm than good 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Anag Ram]

It’s sad to read so many stories of counselling and psychotherapy not being followed up. I guess in the private world you can choose to go back to the same counsellor, who may at least remember you. 

It wouldn’t normally be the done thing to share notes between counsellors though. The process is between two individuals, and any past notes will be from the other counsellor’s perspective and could unfairly sway the new relationship.

The process has to be entered into wholly and honestly to achieve results. The counsellor isn’t there to cure. He/she/they will use their skills to coax out feelings which may have been hidden, or perhaps embedded. Each human has the capacity for change if they allow themselves permission to do so and get the support to do so.

CBT works well for some, not so well for others, just as some swear by physiotherapy and some prefer chiropractic work.

No treatment will work if a relationship isn’t established between the two and it pains me that one professional should disparage another. That would set me on edge.

I hope each one of you finds the right person to open up to. 
 

[B4’s Sister]

I had three months sick leave for stress in 2019. I was being treated appallingly by a new boss at work. I did my job with nothing but praise for eight years and suddenly I couldn’t do anything right. Counselling didn’t help at the time. I left my job without another job to go to. The experience left me with really bad anxiety. I had another breakdown in October 2022 from the same issues. My doctor was great and I started medication and was referred for CBT. It wasn’t effective enough, so I went on to trauma counselling, which was great. It really helped and I turned a corner in June last year. Without this help I don’t know how I would have got through Daniel’s death. My mental health is up and down at the moment but I think I just need time. I only took 10 workings days bereavement leave including the funeral which wasn’t enough but after my previous work experience, I didn’t want to ask for more time. My boss was very kind and supportive and work sent me flowers. Colleagues have been very supportive too. People with genuine mental health problems need to be supported and not be treated as a government statistic. 

[Archied]

7 hours ago, Anag Ram said:

It’s sad to read so many stories of counselling and psychotherapy not being followed up. I guess in the private world you can choose to go back to the same counsellor, who may at least remember you. 

It wouldn’t normally be the done thing to share notes between counsellors though. The process is between two individuals, and any past notes will be from the other counsellor’s perspective and could unfairly sway the new relationship.

The process has to be entered into wholly and honestly to achieve results. The counsellor isn’t there to cure. He/she/they will use their skills to coax out feelings which may have been hidden, or perhaps embedded. Each human has the capacity for change if they allow themselves permission to do so and get the support to do so.

CBT works well for some, not so well for others, just as some swear by physiotherapy and some prefer chiropractic work.

No treatment will work if a relationship isn’t established between the two and it pains me that one professional should disparage another. That would set me on edge.

I hope each one of you finds the right person to open up to. 
 

Yep you definitely need continuity to be able to build trust , then once you have that a good counsellor will listen and ask the right questions ,they don’t have the answers for anyone but good ones have the skill to help you find your own answers and keys , it’s a bloody hard job because if your doing it because you care as most are the urge to want to fix things for people and make them happy is very strong 

Edited March 23 by Archied

[NottsRam77]

On 16/02/2024 at 18:33, Scott129 said:

My dad finally lost his battle this morning at the ridiculous age of 64.

Over the past month or so, he got stuck in a cycle of having excess fluid drained, the fluid coming back, being drained again, etc. The fluid eventually got into his lungs and, on top of that, he had the cancer in the background (which they couldn't directly treat because of all of the draining), and a skin infection that eventually led to sepsis. It was just too many issues for him to fight, even though he gave it a damn good go.

He deteriorated rapidly last night to the point of being very agitated and delirious, and I got a call from the nurses to come in at 3am. I knew it was the beginning of the end then, and the decision was made to withdraw treatment at about 11am. He went very peacefully within the hour.

Part of me wants to carry on like normal - go to the match tomorrow and have a few drinks after - but the healthiest decision is probably to skip it and have a bit of alone time to process it all.

I echo the last sentence of my previous post too - f*** cancer.

My heart goes out to u mate… sincere and deepest condolences.

having watched my dad deteriorate in in a similar manor from cancer i can relate a little…. My dad battled it for 4 years but his body just became overwhelmed and he passed age 62 😞 

Derby were due to play forest the following day.. of all bloody fixtures. Me and my brothers decided to go in his honour and for him… i wont lie i walked up those steps to where we had sat for the past god knows how many years and i fell apart.. sat in my seat roaring my eyes out for pretty much the whole first half
i cant say for sure if it was something i should have done or not.. maybe i shouldnt have gone and given myself time but do what u feels best or right .. theres no right or wrong pal

if u ever want to chat .. my inbox is always open

look after yourself buddy