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Tony Pulis' Hat II


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BT Sport's coverage of the lunch time game was an ordeal.

 

The pre-build up was "Van Gaal Van Gaal Van Gaal genius Van Gaal tactics Scholes United Rooney armband Old Trafford Van Gaal Van Gaal. And now we cross live to our commentators where Van Gaal's United are apparently playing a game against someone? Cardiff? Wrexham? Something like that...."

 

After Swansea's BRILLIANT, UNSCRIPTED WIN AGAINST VAN GAAL'S GIANTS, the analysis will be about where United went wrong, to get to the bottom of how Van Gaal's dream debut was spoiled but the lowly minnows of Swindon. No wait it was Swansea wasn't it?

 

After 20 minutes of that, we'll get that classic line "but we musn't take anything away from Swansea today."

 

How kind of you, BT Sport.

 

I f*cking hate football.

 

No idea how I made it through. I am not sure I heard much insight about Swansea.... Oh the sob story about Lingard going off injured...tragic that is.

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As a proud contributor to the previous thread and having got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, I feel I ought to wade in - head down, windmilling like mad.  Bulleted for ease of reading.

 

-  "Eight teams could win the league this year".  Let's be honest, it's Man City's or Chelsea's title to lose.

 

-  It's an easy target but the money spent is absolutely mental. Not quite at the defence budget for a small island level... yet, but nearly.

 

-  Scudamore and the bloody 39th game rear their ugly heads again.

 

-  The column inches and air time hours devoted to the introduction of a can of foam to the referees' arsenal.  It's been around in South America for years.

 

- LvG - This years RVP (last years AVB).

 

-  Boozers, with rediculous burgundy and green patterned carpets, fruit machines and boxes of connect 4 and scrabble on the side of the bar, once the last bastion of working class solace are now all shut.  Replaced by theme pubs, gastropubs, inner-city country-style pubs and wine bars that house tattooed 26 year olds with stupid, ironic beards and moustaches, Jaegerbombs, "banter", attractive 30 something women and the sound of Martin Tyler announcing the score in the vital mid-table clash between Sunderland and Aston Villa at 1 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon.  Yes indeed Rupert Murdoch, the FA, Thatcher and Tony Blair are to blame for all this.

 

-  Mark Lawrenson.

 

-  The lamentable rise and rise of the retro football shirt as a symbol of the w*nker.  Primary offenders - England Mexico '86 and Italia '90, Arsenal "JVC", Man United "Sharp Viewcam", Chelsea "Autoglass", Barcelona '92 and Sampdoria '95.  Allowable exceptions:  Derby '96 Bukta kit (the superior 97-99 Puma efforts most definitely straddle the hipster-tw*t divide), Scarborough '91 "Black Death Vodka".  Obviously, over the age of 14, football shirts being worn for anything but playing football in/running/sleeping automatically marks you out as being a cock.  The guy in full kit on the park should also be avoided.

 

-  Five a-side/fantasy football teams with puns for names.  Instant death for "Inter yer Nan", "Norfolk Enchants" or "Bare-Arsealona".  Pithy, smile of condescension for the likes of the obviously Googled "Le Saux Solid Crew" or "Chemakh My Bitch Up".  Full-frontal disgust for "Banter_ladzzz_2k14" et al.

 

-  Puns in newspaper headlines.

 

-  Celebrity fans.

 

-  Fans with I-Pads.

 

-  Half and half scarves.

 

-  People in Taiwan/Indonesia actually being counted as being a part of a clubs support base.

 

-  The Football League's beamback idea that will eventually kill off meaningful away support for all but the best followed clubs.

 

-  "Your Arsenals, your Tottenhams, your Evertons..."

 

-  Analysis from anyone, be it the bloke in the pub, Lee Dixon or your mate that sounds like it's saying something deep and meaningful about the game, but actually means f*ck all.

 

-  Tactics blogs.

 

-  False 9's and ghost strikers.

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Also, Spurs. BBC and Sky make them seem like one of the big clubs even though they are basically the Newcastle of the south. They are looked upon favourably just because they are London based. Their chairman has more money than sense and they are a graveyard for strikers.

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Leicester's gay version of the poznan-type celebration.

 

Makes you look back on the 70's and 80's era of hooliganism and violence with regret and sadness that its all come to this..

 

Totally ridiculous way of celebrating , i'd laugh me head off if , when the prats all turned back around , the

 

players were giving the fans the w**ker salute.. :lol:

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Newcastle vs City here, they had a minutes silence for those Newcastle fans who died on the plane crash, when they were heading to watch Newcastle in pre-season. People had their phones out, taking photos of the players observing the silence.

 

Have some fookin respect, put your phone away. It's supposed to be a moment to remember the dead, not a photo opportunity.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A few things I've seen recently to cut my life short by 5 minutes each.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/28951487

 

http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/sport/football/transfer-news/former-birmingham-city-striker-nikola-7677674

 

https://twitter.com/reid6peter/status/504259134599229440

 

I don't really have much to say on these to be honest. It is what it is. Read them all for yourselves and weep at this pathetic sport we think we enjoy but don't.

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I think in the first version of this thread I directed some anger at the stupid love heart celebration because it's the sort of ****** that would only impress my daughter for about 30 seconds.

Now every muppet is kissing their wrist (any idea?) or pointing fingers at the sky. Pre planned celebrations are w@nk.

"Oh what a cool dance" said nobody after an African player scored

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