1of4 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 A cowboy walks into town wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, and brown paper boots. The town sheriff arrests him and next day hangs him. The people of the town ask the sheriff why he hung the cowboy and the sheriff replies because he was rustling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i-Ram Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 A week before he died we bought my Granddad a set of skis. He went downhill fast after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gritstone Ram Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 My missus told me sex is better on holiday. It wasn't the nicest postcard I've received. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1of4 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 A young cowboy walks into town in the nude, so the sheriff stops him asks why he's got no clothes on. Well said the cowboy on the way into town I met a naked lady sitting by the side of the road, I stopped to look as I've never seen a woman in the nude before, and then asked her if she needed any help. She replied yes and that she wanted to have some fun. She then asked me to take off my hat, which I did. She then asked me to take off my boots, which I did. She then asked me to take off the rest of my clothes, which I did. She then laid down on the ground with her legs apart, raised her arms to me and with a smile she said now go to town. So sheriff here I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1977 Ram Raider Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Paddy and Murphy walking down the street when Murphy falls down a hole. Paddy says 'Murph is it dark down dere' to which Murphy replies 'I dunno I can't see'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanRam Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I found out today the guy that stole my journal has died. My thoughts are with his family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gritstone Ram Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I haven't spoken to my wife for three days. I don't like to interrupt her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fraser_23 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 How does Jesus make a cup of tea? He brews it .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbadbob Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 2 hours ago, 1977 Ram Raider said: Paddy and Murphy walking down the street when Murphy falls down a hole. Paddy says 'Murph is it dark down dere' to which Murphy replies 'I dunno I can't see'. Racist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1977 Ram Raider Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 8 hours ago, bigbadbob said: Racist Really??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbadbob Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 11 hours ago, 1977 Ram Raider said: Really??? Nope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanRam Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said 'Thanks'. I replied, 'Don't mention it'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 On 30/03/2016 at 11:52, Wolfie said: A Duck walks into a bar.... "Got any Bread?" "No" "Got any Bread?" "No" "Got any Bread?" "No" "Got any Bread?" "No, and if you ask me agian, I'll nail your beak to the bar!" "Got any Nails?" "No" "Got any Bread?" It's supposed to be a rabbit and lettuce! Bloody duck and bread... jeez. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearl Ram Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Talking of ducks, how do you turn a duck into a soul singer ? Stick it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers. Anyway, that's not the one I came on to post. Nobby and Stan are out down the pub and Nobby tells Stan he's going home. Stan is aghast. What do you mean you're going home ? It's Saturday night, we always have a sesh on a Saturday night. Nah, not tonight says Nobby, she's told me if I come home pished, she's leaving me, she's had enough. That's terrible says Stan and orders Nobby a pint and a chaser. Nobby feels obliged to return the gesture and before they know it, it's kicking out time and they are $hit faced, chucking up in the street. What am I going to do ? Says Nobby, she'll go fcukin' nuclear. Let me think says Stan. I've got it, stick a twenty pound note in your jacket pocket and when she asks how you got in that state tell her a bloke chucked up over you and gave you the twenty for dry cleaning. That's fcukin' brilliant Stan. Nobby get's home and sure enough, the wife's waiting for him, absolutely fizzing Look at the state of you, you're pished and your jackets got pewk all over it.. Ah, says Nobby, it's not me, a bloke threw up over me and gave me twenty quid for dry cleaning, look, and pulls forty quid out his pocket. That's forty quid you're holding up there for a start she says Ah, says Nobby, the other 20 quid is from another bloke who shat in me trousers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StringerBell Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 2 hours ago, Parsnip said: It's supposed to be a rabbit and lettuce! Bloody duck and bread... jeez. No that wouldn't work. Rabbits don't have beaks you see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanRam Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 "Mum! I'm going out!" You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt! "Why?" Because I can see your balls, Richard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sith Happens Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I was reading a book, the history of glue.....I couldn't put it down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted March 24, 2017 Author Share Posted March 24, 2017 28 minutes ago, Paul71 said: I was reading a book, the history of glue.....I couldn't put it down. Terrible. mind you, i read a book on joining metal together.....it was riveting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pearl Ram Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I read that, thought it was sheet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted March 24, 2017 Author Share Posted March 24, 2017 4 minutes ago, EastHertsRam said: I read that, thought it was sheet. Joist as you thought it couldn't get any worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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