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NorfolkRam

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    NorfolkRam reacted to AshfieldRam in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    Hello all, 
    It's hard to post this but this week has been possibly the worst my mental health has ever been. I recently posted in another thread about wanting to make 2019 positive but ever since Saturday i've gone downhill so so fast. 
    I had a little worry, It started as a minor worry, then it developed inside me to a concern, the grew larger and larger into a huge obsession that i couldn't shift and consequently i found myself at the doors of depression. 
    I started taking my Citalopram on Saturday but it hasn't yet kicked in. On Monday, i was in absolute hysteric floods of tears crying to my Mum and Dad and since then the floodgates have definitely opened. My mum gave me a Diazepam to help calm me down but this just made me dizzy and sick before eventually having a calming effect late on in evening.
    Tuesday i went in to work as normal at about 2:30 my boss told me to get home and rest because i looked very ill. I went to play football in the evening as i always do on Tuesday but this proved extremely difficult. I thought the exercise and fresh air would do me wonders but inside all i was doing was fixating on my problems. Despite nearly passing out 3 times i managed to make it through. After another cry to my parents i managed 6 hours sleep.
    Wednesday i was able to see the doctor. He gave me more tablets and some numbers for CBT therapy providers in the local area. I immediately rang them and was quite shocked just how long the process can take and one of them was charging quite a considerable amount.
    Wednesday evening as i attempted to try to be active to my mind of things i panicked and fainted for a good few minutes. After coming round i was take to my bed where again, i found myself in floods of tears being consoled by Girlfriend, Mum and Dad.  
    Yesterday morning i woke up very early again. 4:45 to be exact. I dragged my duvet down stairs hoping that a change of scenery may help. I went to take my tablet in the morning as i've started doing and then i got really really scared. I looked at these tablets and though 'Why don't i just take loads of them and then i won't have to feel like this anymore?' So i took one, then took a second one straight after. I started Vomiting almost immediately afterwards, panicking and deep breathing. Before i knew, i had fainted once again only to be found by my Mum. Once i had come round, my vomiting continued and my thoughts worsened about just taking more tablets to stop me feeling bad or anything all together. I was taken straight to the hospital and given a number of physical tests that all came back positive so i was allowed to come home. I hadn't at this point mentioned to the hospital or anyone that i was feeling suicidal.  As the afternoon progresses my mood swung again, up and down and up and down again. Eventually i was again hysterical and i decided that i had to tell my parents that i'd worried about ending things that morning if i could. I explained to them that i felt like a constant failure and that peoples life would be easier without me there. I don't think i've ever cried as much as i did yesterday. I had the same conversation with my girlfriend that evening and it absolutely destroyed me saying what i said but i was and still am scared that i will do something stupid. My dad rang one of the metal health helplines and i explained to them what was happening in my mind and they marked me as 'critical' meaning i needed immediate help. They eventually rang and they were absolutely no help what so ever. The earliest they could see me was Saturday afternoon and despite my girlfriend pleading with the man on the phone that i needed immediate help he just said 'Saturday afternoon' then shut down the conversation to hang up. I was left in the darkest hole i think i could possibly have been in and if it wasn't for the people around me i don't know what i would have done. 
    I actually began to improve last night and decided that this morning i would come in to work and get myself some routine back. I have done and so far i'm just about on top of my emotions but even the littlest things feels like it could set me off. 
    Christmas is my favourite time of the year and i can't even think about it. I just want to be better for it so the people who are around me can enjoy it too. 
    I'm sorry for the essay but i thought writing it down might help and i'm hopeful that i can be on the mend soon and one day look back on it with the experience to help others
     
  2. Like
    NorfolkRam reacted to loweman2 in The Old Guard   
    I was really lucky to get an invite along today to the yard from John O’Hare to meet up with some of the 70s legends who were meeting up to celebrate Roy Macs 70th birthday and the annual Easter visit of Alan Hinton.
    i thought I would take the opportunity to take my son along to meet some of the older players who when he is grown up will hopefully be given the status that that Steve Bloomer gets now, at least he will have a few photos to show that he really did meet the men who made us famous and for a brief moment in time perhaps the greatest football team in the world ?
    when I got there I was a little embarrassed to find that I was the only member of the general public in attendance and felt a little bit out of place, the classic gatecrasher at the party, fortunately I know a number of them already and was instantly welcomed, I made sure that we sat just out side of the main group to allow them to chat to each other
    Every one of them made time to come over and have a sit with us, I had of course taken some stuff to get signed as it was to good an opportunity to miss, after checking that they were ok with it they signed stuff and sat and talked and had photos with my son, he loved it and entered into some great conversation with them all, he was asking them about the odd haircuts that they had on the photos ( he is only eight) he told John Ohare that he should now be called john nohare which I’m not sure if john picked up on or not, he spoke to Alan about his white boots and got me showing Alan photos of his green boots, to a man they sat and chatted away talking about anything and everything, the numbers continue to dwindle, I felt like the man in the middle sharing stories of my recent meets with Colin Boulton, Colin Todd, Frank Wignall, john McGovern, and Peter Daniel, those in attendance (some with their good ladies) were John Ohare, Alan Hinton, Alan Durban, Roy McFarland, Roger Davies, Rod Thomas, Jim Walker and Henry newton, once again it struck me that the club should make more of a fuss of these guys whilst they are with us, let’s not wait twenty year before we finally get round to making up a song for them that we sing and the younger generation doesn’t have a clue what the names Todd, McFarland, Nish, Hector, Hennessy, Boulton, Newton, Gemmill, Davies, McFarland, O’Hare, McGovern, Hinton etc mean to Derby as a city.



  3. Like
    NorfolkRam got a reaction from Alph in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I've had a brief read of a few pages on this thread and got to say I find it really refreshing to see a very open book on this sort of topic. I have been surrounded by family and friends that have different forms of anxiety and depression and I have lapsed at times as well, especially over the last few years were I have suffered from PTSD.
    As they say talking about these issues I think are a step on the way to recovery and although I'm not a massive fan of doing so online (facebook statuses, I often find, tend to be more seeking attention from a broad range) this page has been refreshingly open and non-judgmental.
  4. Like
    NorfolkRam got a reaction from GboroRam in RamsTV Feedback   
    I live in Norfolk so as i need a passport to leave the county does that mean i get full streaming like overseas fans? seems only fair!
  5. Haha
    NorfolkRam got a reaction from archram in RamsTV Feedback   
    I live in Norfolk so as i need a passport to leave the county does that mean i get full streaming like overseas fans? seems only fair!
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