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Alex W

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  1. Like
    Alex W reacted to loweman2 in The Old Guard   
    I was really lucky to get an invite along today to the yard from John O’Hare to meet up with some of the 70s legends who were meeting up to celebrate Roy Macs 70th birthday and the annual Easter visit of Alan Hinton.
    i thought I would take the opportunity to take my son along to meet some of the older players who when he is grown up will hopefully be given the status that that Steve Bloomer gets now, at least he will have a few photos to show that he really did meet the men who made us famous and for a brief moment in time perhaps the greatest football team in the world ?
    when I got there I was a little embarrassed to find that I was the only member of the general public in attendance and felt a little bit out of place, the classic gatecrasher at the party, fortunately I know a number of them already and was instantly welcomed, I made sure that we sat just out side of the main group to allow them to chat to each other
    Every one of them made time to come over and have a sit with us, I had of course taken some stuff to get signed as it was to good an opportunity to miss, after checking that they were ok with it they signed stuff and sat and talked and had photos with my son, he loved it and entered into some great conversation with them all, he was asking them about the odd haircuts that they had on the photos ( he is only eight) he told John Ohare that he should now be called john nohare which I’m not sure if john picked up on or not, he spoke to Alan about his white boots and got me showing Alan photos of his green boots, to a man they sat and chatted away talking about anything and everything, the numbers continue to dwindle, I felt like the man in the middle sharing stories of my recent meets with Colin Boulton, Colin Todd, Frank Wignall, john McGovern, and Peter Daniel, those in attendance (some with their good ladies) were John Ohare, Alan Hinton, Alan Durban, Roy McFarland, Roger Davies, Rod Thomas, Jim Walker and Henry newton, once again it struck me that the club should make more of a fuss of these guys whilst they are with us, let’s not wait twenty year before we finally get round to making up a song for them that we sing and the younger generation doesn’t have a clue what the names Todd, McFarland, Nish, Hector, Hennessy, Boulton, Newton, Gemmill, Davies, McFarland, O’Hare, McGovern, Hinton etc mean to Derby as a city.



  2. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Gypsy Ram in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  3. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from ketteringram in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  4. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Animal is a Ram in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  5. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Heisenberg in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  6. Like
    Alex W reacted to Tony Le Mesmer in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    Amazing post Alex and huge respect for revealing these thoughts to us strangers. I can completely understand for the most part where you are coming from, especially with the eating in front of others and the need for an exit. Both of these for me are a huge issue.
    Also with me I cannot eat food that has been home cooked by someone else. Not even my partner. I make it or it doesn't get eaten. Worst was when I first met my partner and we got invited to Christmas Dinner at her aunties for a huge spread and I had to sit there at the table just sipping a beer because I had made an excuse that I'd already eaten. I must have looked a real weirdo.
    For the past 6 years I have had anxiety induced nausea nearly every day on waking. Often I will dry heave and I cannot stop it until I've calmed down. I cannot go on public transport either and I am singlehandedly keeping Wrigleys in business. Well, me and Sir Alex Ferguson that is.
    I also suffered severe IBS and although not coeliac have found gluten free to really help.
    I need exits too. My seat at PP is on the end, I sit on the end in cinemas, I have to sit in corners of pubs and restaurants preferably not around other diners. If someone takes up a table next to me I tense up and it's just a case of eating up asap and getting the hell outta there. In short it's f***ing horrendous and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
    I think.as I've got older I have accepted that it is how I am and although I will never eliminate these symptoms or get better, I can certainly reduce them and manage them as best I can. However if there are things anxiety stops you from doing then just try and accept it and work around it rather than fight it and become helpless and depressed.
    For example, my kid is 8 this year and she hasn't been abroad yet, partly due to cost but also my anxiety. This summer we are going to France for a few days as part of a holiday in Dorset.
    I cannot fly. We are going on the ferry but even though the crossing is only 4 hours, I have booked a cabin each way. I need a bolthole, I need my own toilet and if start feeling sick it's security.
    Coming back, our ferry is not until 6.30pm but we have to leave our hotel at 10am. Bearing in mind I wake most mornings with nausea and dry retching, I cannot envisage me walking around town trying to pass time until 6.30pm when my symptoms are likely to be there.
    Therefore I have had to pay for 3 nights at the hotel but we are only staying 2 so on the 3rd day I still will have our hotel room to escape to until we need to go to the ferry port.
    On the face of it, it is absolutely farcical.
    I have mental illness and am not finding it amusing.
    I also have health anxiety. I do have some health conditions but ones that are no way as serious as some people have like Paul on here who has blood cancer. Every week I find an ache or pain and convince myself it's cancer. It's tiring and cranks up the anxiety / agoraphobia but I have no idea how I would cope going through the things Paul for example and others WITH cancer have had to endure.
    I won't get better. I won't be able to fulfil some of the things I want to because of my difficulties but I'm not alone. You have to accept what you ARE capable of and take it from there.
    The hardest thing for me has been trying to bring a kid up from scratch whilst my partner works whilst at the same time not giving off any negative fear / environmental influence.
    I had to go to indoor play centres. People everywhere, kids everywhere, noise. The things most people don't particularly like but when they are things that more or less cripple anxiety sufferers then you get my point.
    I also had to go through panic attacks because I had a child with me who obviously couldn't fend for herself and so the responsibility to NOT have panic attacks whilst out doing things brought ON panic attacks. Messy and frightening. I managed though to get through without any obvious signs of panic being shown to my kid.
    Swimming baths. Kids everywhere, noise, splashing, I'm feeling terrible and on edge and I have to try and have an hour of fun and interactivity with my kid when all I want to do is get back in the car and breathe.
    There are loads of things I have done which I thought I couldn't for the sake of the kid yet I don't seem to be able to do them for myself which is weird.
    I think Alex, the amount of people struggling with mental health issues / symptoms is staggering and the best we can do is be open about them.
    Meet someone new and don't make excuses anymore. If you get invited out for a works meal or anything and the anxiety won't let you then just tell them without making a big deal of it. You'll find that some will accept your reason without judging, some will even be able to empathise as they will have different levels of mental health issues that they too are hiding and the last lot will judge you, think you're a freak and either take the mick or avoid you.
    As these people aren't worth p#ssing on if they were on fire, them avoiding you has done you a favour. Everyone's a winner and can see you're an open, honest and decent person.
    There is so much help and advice out there now and awareness is increasing. So is the number of people who suffer with one thing or another so the next person you speak to could be hiding a secret anxiety or ocd or depression or anything.
    Hope the symptoms improve for you and cutting out the Russell Howard stuff might help. He's bloody awful!
  7. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Coneheadjohn in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  8. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Norman in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  9. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Anag Ram in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  10. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Tony Le Mesmer in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
     
    Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
     
    I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
     
    I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

    I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

    The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

    Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

    I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
     
    I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

    It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

    That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

    The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

    I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

    My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

    If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.
  11. Like
    Alex W reacted to David in Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues   
    Room for another?
    Was diagnosed with IBS today, one of those not really real new conditions they diagnose yet don't really know anything about it other than anxiety/stress is apparently why a lot of people have it.
    Doesn't really surprise me, been a rough couple months. Quick back story, suffered from severe anxiety, was pre scribed anti depressants, told the doctor where to stick em, did it myself. Was fine for a couple years until August I go and swallow my partial denture.
    Not going to lie, thought I was going to die at the time, couldn't breathe, full on choking. Had vivid dying nightmares, flashbacks the lot for a few weeks. Friends, family kind of laugh it off but honestly, really knocked me sideways.
    Spent 2 weeks solid barely getting out of bed, stomach cramps, everything, I was a complete mess. Pulled myself around, got back out there and whilst my stomach was still causing issues it wasn't stopping me getting to games and the pub.
    October went to see the doctor, still wasn't out, needed sorting, put a urgent colonoscopy referral in to the hospital that day, didn't get the appointment until the end of January.
    Backtracking quickly, start of November ish I was getting pretty down with it, toilet visits all over the place, each time nothing there was another kick in the balls. By December pretty much distanced myself from the missus, mates and that, felt so low just wanted to curl up all day and sleep.
    Mid December, asked the missus to pick up some sweets, sucking helps with anxiety, pro tip right there. Asked for sugar free, look after the old teeth and that. Didn't put 2+2 together but the toilet visits had become a bit violent which anxiety attacks followed, by now I was sofa ridden, hot water bottle on the stomach trying to ease the pain. 
    Anyone with anxiety will tell you it's the not knowing that does you, with these toilet visits came blood, not every visit but one there was fair bit, with what I had swallowed major panic set in. Was pretty close to calling 999 first time ever
    Late on Xmas day which was a complete write off on reaching for another box of these sweets I just out of boredom flipped the box around and saw the warning, too many of this will have a laxative effect. I laughed, almost cried, Googled them and loads of people were writing horror stories online about avoiding these things like the plague. Horror stories after one box, I was having a box or two a day for a week.
    Stopped sucking them, straight in the bin.
    Was slowly improving until the hospital letter arrived early January, date for my hospital visit, knocked me sideways again. Grimsby hospital is horrendous, getting a English speaking doctor that knows what he's doing is a needle in the haystack.
    Whole of January I was nervous but excited, hate hospitals. Missed this out but since August the pain was that bad went to A&E a couple times and shown the door with a pat on the back, come back when you can't walk you're in that much pain and we'll know you've perforated your bowel, until then happy shitting. Cheers doc!
    Couple days before the appointment, told myself not to do this but I googled the process, found you have laxatives before which having just experienced the laxative effect was not looking forward to. Also there was a list of what to eat before, clean food basically. My hospital letter mentioned none of this.
    Appointment day came round, last Friday it was, by now this was maybe the second time being out the house since November, nervous as my anxiety before kept me in the house for a long time, wasn't sure what to expect.
    Made it fine, waiting area was empty even better, just me and the missus there. 45 minutes later after my appointment was due we get called into a room right down the corridor, pretty far from the exit.
    Pause my story here, I always like to suss out the nearest exit, the escape route. You know what I'm talking about fellow anxietyers, what makes us so "special".
    Was a standard doctors room, no camera up bum equipment to be seen, explained my situation to him and requested we move to a room a little further up the corridor so I felt comfortable. Looked at me gone out, then asked me to leave if I'm here to waste his time.
    Tried to explain further but it appeared to have never heard of anxiety before in his life. Told him where it stick his medical certificate and walked out, the nurse collared me before I could leave, pushed me into a side room and asked what had happened.
    Fast forward, he moved down to a room closer, I resisted the urge to lamp him one and allowed him to examine me. There was never going to be a colonoscopy that day, just the initial examination, wants to do a MRI scan, now bare in mind my fears of being able to escape I told him there's no chance in getting me in that tube.
    Nodded and said he wouldn't anyway until I go back to the doctors and sort my anxiety out. Until he's seen that I have on my records he won't put me through one.
    Frustrating day pretty much, got home, had the big talk to the missus how if I have to go on tablets it won't feel like I've beat it, I was beating it, all because of this denture I'm 5 steps back. Took its toll on her these past few months, seen it destroy one relationship, didn't want it to destroy another so agreed to take anything the doctor prescribes.
    Doctors appointment was today, best doctor I've ever seen, must have had 30/40 minutes with him, even understood my anxiety, let us go outside for fresh air when I felt a little trapped. Whole life story downloaded on to him, first anxiety attack the lot. 
    Always had a fear of tablets made worse by swallowing the denture whilst having a multi vitamin, stopped me there and said I'm not prescribing you any tablets, instead referring me for CBT. 
    Now I'm a bit of a dick when it comes to these things, my first bout of severe anxiety I read a lot, like 15 books on it. I know a lot. The first time they tried to put me through this I was educating the "therapist", I had 2 or 3 appointments and stopped as I felt like I should be charging her tuition fees.
    Fresh out of Uni with her flashy degree having never experienced any anxiety or even panic attack in her life.
    Problem I have is thinking clear, understanding this is nothing but anxiety. Putting into action what I know, not cures but methods that help you relax. I'm **** at it. Was kind of hoping for the magic pill but I know there isn't one that will fix it.
    What the doctor did was kick a load of confidence back in me, could have been flirting but he could see I knew what was what, could see how much it means if you can beat this without medication. 
    Bowel problems, all classic symptoms of IBS, no tests needed as the starting point came after swallowing the denture. Could prescribe something for the stomach spasms but until you sort the anxiety they will keep coming back. No magic cure for IBS it's treat the anxiety and stress. Peppermint oil apparently will help.
    Walked out the doctors, felt good. Managed to stay out, haircut, shopping, round a mates. Normal day. Unthinkable just a few weeks ago where the only distance I moved was sofa to toilet. Was fearful the anxiety took hold, made me fearful of being out but nothing at all, was back to pre August David.
    Task now which is hard whilst working from home but to keep getting out, even in pain getting out there if only to the corner shop. Feel like I've had a lucky escape, if it wasn't for the initial hospital appointment I may be still on the sofa having not moved.
    Bowels still not great, constipated one day followed by a full empty the next, feeling bloated constantly and farting like a trooper, don't imagine that will change overnight, been rough for 6 months now. 
    CBT appointment next week, don't want to do it, don't feel like it will help at all but I'm off, will stay open minded and be grateful the doctor didn't try and turn me into a zombie.
    Skipping the MRI, probably not wise, that not knowing might keep eating away. Just feel like it's time to really try and forget it, stop worrying, worse happens call 999, they'll have it out that day and released the next.
    Funny thing is it may already be out. 
    Oh, it's not all bad, lost 2 stone in weight during all this, was becoming a bit of a fat **** so the timing was perfect, dodgy bowel made me cut the alcohol, slightly smaller portions, the extra bag of crisps cut out, looking a lot better. 12lb off target weight now. 
    Anxiety is seriously no fun, don't think of us as weirdos, nutcases, we just like to worry and plan ahead. Daily tasks come laced with a what if, we cover all bases and make sure nothing can go wrong. Other than that we're normal folk, just trying to get by in our own little unique way
  12. Like
    Alex W got a reaction from Anon in Gaming   
    Xcom 2 has got me with a vice like grip at the moment, can't put it down. Bought it on PC at release but it just pushed my laptop too far so I grabbed it on Xbox during Black Friday. Minus some crashes on the Xbox and some slowdown (that may just be my machine being on for hours) it plays fantastically well. A tad short for my liking but then I didn't play on hard this time, I've already maxed out almost all of the gear minus one optional armour. A tougher enemy would have slowed my progress down no end. 
    If you're a tactics guy or liked the previous two console releases then get it ASAP. There a few nice touches to enemy unknown in there too with the dlc missions.
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