Rambo11

They’ll be no smoke without fire unfortunately and heard about this a while ago, but Mel took up a job as a Health and Safety Executive and keeps sticking his ore in

Sounds like Ilkeston to me

This thread is a constant source of encouragement. To know there are fellow rams, fellow people who understand how I feel is comforting:
Not that I wish any of you ill. It just provides me people to relate 
After reading all posts I realise my problems pale in significance.
i am alone. By choice. I enjoy my own company and relish time to myself to get into my own thoughts:
However; the reality is i darent check this thread, or even this forum for fear that I will be judged unless I've had a few to drink
I only wish I were as brave as everyone else on this thread.

This thread is a constant source of encouragement. To know there are fellow rams, fellow people who understand how I feel is comforting:
Not that I wish any of you ill. It just provides me people to relate 
After reading all posts I realise my problems pale in significance.
i am alone. By choice. I enjoy my own company and relish time to myself to get into my own thoughts:
However; the reality is i darent check this thread, or even this forum for fear that I will be judged unless I've had a few to drink
I only wish I were as brave as everyone else on this thread.

This thread is a constant source of encouragement. To know there are fellow rams, fellow people who understand how I feel is comforting:
Not that I wish any of you ill. It just provides me people to relate 
After reading all posts I realise my problems pale in significance.
i am alone. By choice. I enjoy my own company and relish time to myself to get into my own thoughts:
However; the reality is i darent check this thread, or even this forum for fear that I will be judged unless I've had a few to drink
I only wish I were as brave as everyone else on this thread.

I am so astounded by the time taken by complete strangers to read my post, and write such eloquent, helpful replies. 
I would just like to say thanks for the brilliant responses. Genuine thanks.
I'm sure some of these responses will be of huge help, not just to myself, but those lurking or who already post. 
I don't know what else to say. I'm stunned. Thank you.

Cheers mate, I have started counselling sessions regularly so hopefully I'll get myself back on the straight and narrow soon enough. Its amazing how much help just sharing your problems can be - even if all it is is just writing down how you feel on a forum like this

Hi Loughborough Ram.
Your story is very moving and I'm glad you have chosen to share it.
You have suffered a number of losses. I work for Cruse bereavement and in my time there I have learned that those who share their experience with trained bereavement volunteers can gain a better understanding of themselves in relation to their loss.
I know they have offices in Derby and Leicester should you wish to investigate.
I wish you all the best and hope you find a way through this difficult time.

This week marks the 2nd anniversary of a very close mate going missing and eventually being found in a river. The intervening period has been tough for so many reasons and I've never really aired my true feelings until recently. 

To put it into perspective I caught the school bus with this guy every day for 7 years, played football and cricket together even after we finished school, went to gigs together and went on many nights out together - even born on the same day in QMC would you believe it. He introduced me to my then girlfriend and we were always kind of close. Then one January morning in 2015 I get back from a lecture to my missus sat on my bed telling me she has some news and I'll need to take a seat. Even though I knew what was coming, nothing ever prepares you for that news. Obviously this rocked me quite a bit having never really had anything like this happen to me before but over the next few months I kind of managed to get a grip on it. 

That autumn I moved to Germany for 6 months on a placement for my course at uni and this is where things began to get difficult. Earning very little it was hard to properly get out and about, especially when you're in a massive country where you literally know nobody. This was the beginning of my depression - nothing to this day quite compares to the loneliness I experienced and it was during this time, when I was alone with my thoughts that I began to think more and more of my friend. I was lucky in that I had a caring girlfriend who'd Skype me every night but once those calls ended I was alone again and even during the calls I began to feel like she wasn't there and that she was just on a screen and that I was hundreds of miles from anyone I knew and loved. I got through those months by telling myself that it would be over soon and I'd be home in a couple of months and it would all be ok. Wrong.
Once back in the UK I had another internship lined up - unpaid except my expenses, meaning I had to work a second job to earn some sort of income. This meant long days leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 1am with 30 minutes to get ready for my evening shift. I also worked weekends as it was a busy pub/restaurant which meant I had no real free time. It began to put a strain on relationship with my long term girlfriend and after 4 happy years together, stress drove me to ending it. At the time I guess I didn't realise the state I was in but looking back I can recognise how empty and soulless I had become. Again I got through this period thinking it would be fine and I'd be back at uni soon and I'll be able to relax. Once more I was wrong.
I pretty much immediately realised I had made a mistake ending things with my ex (who is also the same uni as me) and tried to reconcile things after she had spend a good 2 months trying to change my mind but I was too stubborn at the time. Unfortunately so much time had elapsed that she was no longer interested, despite my best efforts. She insisted on wanting to be friends but claimed to not want a relationship at the time, meaning we spent loads of time together on what I feel was false pretenses in many ways. This wasn't helped by my issues of inferiority and self confidence (its fair to say I was punching with this girl) which was one of the causes of me ending things as I was convinced that sooner or later she'd sack me off for someone else. All this at the same time as trying to handle an insane workload on my course which is notoriously heavy in terms of the workload dragged me further down into a pit of despair.
It was a this stage that I began to realise I was at my lowest point. I was failing assignments or behind in some aspect and began to have really negative thoughts. I'm a fairly rational guy and always manage to find reason which prevents me from doing something daft but there has been a couple of times when I've quite literally been peering over the edge. I decided to get help and see someone (this was in November) through my university counselling service but they couldn't sort me out until the new year. I ended up having the worst Christmas ever, I just felt so alien and lonely even though I was with my family etc I just felt like I didn't want to be there. I came home between Christmas and New Year (being half Danish we spent Christmas in over there) and hoped I'd maybe be happier but nope, still felt awful and alone.
I'vended up having to take a break from my studies to get my head straight as the way I was going I'd have wasted my degree and most definitely found myself in a darker place than I am currently. Loneliness is such a killer, no one really seems to understand how it truly feels - the same goes for depression. People seem to think it's just a phase and that it'll pass but it doesn't work like that. Two years ago before my friend passed, I was an upbeat and optimistic person in every aspect whereas now I rarely manage to see the positives in many things. At that time I would've laughed anyone out of town who suggested I'd be in the situation I'm now in because I was so naive when it came to stuff like this.
Sorry for the essay just needed to get that off my chest.

Some people just reach a socialising saturation point, when what you then want is to be alone. I would never want to go to the pub alone, or see a film or even go to a gig but I could happily sit on my own listening to music for hours. I never did enjoy nights out much when I was younger, just too many people. You don't have to be the centre of the party to have a good time. I am certain that alone time, that processing time or even switch off time is vital for a more healthy mental state. Helps you understand your own mind better.

You use whatever coping method you need. Yours seems fine to me, but I'm hardly the best person to judge it!

Excercise for me mate.Gym,run when I'm up to it.
Believe it or not I find reading this forum helps,any release from whatevers stressing you.

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.
I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!
I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?
For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 
I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?
 

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.
I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!
I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?
For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 
I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?
 

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.
I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!
I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?
For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 
I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?
 

A quick thank you to people that liked/quoted my post.
I apologise for taking so long to repost but I've spent the last 2 weeks fearing that people would mock me. Nothing to do with the people on this forum, unfortunately it's just how my mind works!
I apologise if it's a personal question, but what do you guys use as coping techniques?
For example, I live in Ilkeston (for my sins), but every other week I go to Nottingham after work for a couple of drinks by myself. My friends have regularly offered to come with me but I reject it because I often find that this time alone with my thoughts helps me. I've found that I do enjoy some time alone 
I guess I wonder if I'm alone in feeling that way, and wonder if anyone has any advice?
 

Well done for posting mate,theres some good big hearted people on this forum and within DCFC.
If you ever feel the need I would post on here,someone will always listen/read.
All the best bud.

I've had talking therapies. First time i didn't really 'get it' and just went away having not really benefitted. What's important is that you arm yourself with a load of books about CBT, depression etc and really get an understanding as to how your brain works effecting your thinking patterns, mood and indeed mental AND physical health. Without this prior knowledge underpinning your awareness then you'll struggle to gain any benefits. You have to be open to learning and understanding how the mind works IMO.
I've had good and bad therapies but i have to say that Derbyshire offers the best and most varied services I've encountered. If you live in North Yorkshire or Doncaster then best of luck with that.
Having said that I feel the therapy is too short lived and it's easy to relapse back into old patterns without the ongoing support. Once a week for an hour or so for 6-12 weeks is not a comprehensive and ongoing supportive time period to combat and challenge deep rooted behavioural thinking and therefore I would hazard a guess that many people who have had some form of CBT or / and counselling have certainly needed to have more than one block of sessions.
As I've said though, reading around the subject can help so so much and allows you to take things in in your own time.
My anxiety is gradually decreasing due to the fact that I'm not giving myself a hard time anymore. It's my brain and it's thinking patterns that are the problem and not me as a person and it's not my fault. It's the fault of my brain interpreting a situation as dangerous when in fact it isn't and therefore my body is kickstarted and primed for a battle when in reality I'm simply stood in a long queue getting agitated as it's one of those that wind round so you have to face people on either side. I hate those and they make me nervous so my body gets me ready to run away from all the zombiefied people in the post office queue when in reality i am in no real danger.
Situations like that happen all the time and therefore i am constantly living on cortisol overdose which makes it difficult to lead a normal life when in actual fact you are pretty 'normal' anyway.
 
 
 
 

When i worked in an office, i must have read through each email i was going to send a dozen or so times. I feared every outcome, what if I said the wrong thing, what if...always the what if. And if I had to make a phone call...nightmare! Just because I dreaded getting it wrong. Totally irrational.

I've been through no end of forums dedicated to mental health and the likes but nothing comes close to this, it really sets this forum apart from any other I know. So therefore, having read everyone else's stories over the last few months and after finally acknowledging I have an issue, I will now pour everything out.
I've known for years that something has been wrong with me, but the last few days have just certified it. I'm 22, recently graduated and have now moved back home as I have a graduate job close to my family home. The issue with this is I'm not exactly mad about the job, the people are not the most welcoming and all of my previous school friends and the likes now live away. I go to work and I go home, that is as exciting as it gets. 
Last year saw a range of little blips come up which I didn't think affected me too much, with my uncle's dementia and constant hospital stays probably the most notable. What's really done it for me though is the relationship with my girlfriend, who is still at university. I've been with her for three years and it's been great (she's even seen Derby play twice the lucky thing) but a mixture of the distance and the loneliness has changed things to the point where she's told me that she's not sure if we're still working like we did. I've found myself becoming needy, completely ignoring the fact that she's got her own life with new friends and a part-time job. We planned to build a life together after uni and I'm hoping that can still be done because even though we're only young, it's been an incredible time that I don't think needs to be given up. I'm trying to tell myself that it's the fact we've gone from living together to living 80 miles apart, with only a few months until we can go back to how we were. Unfortunately, my head doesn't really want to listen to what I say for too long. 
I don't know if depression or anxiety or just general loneliness is my problem, but I do know that I'm not meant to be feeling like this, especially at such a young age. I've got a doctors appointment booked for next week which I'm strangely looking forward to, purely to try and change things around. I know in comparison to others my problems might be nothing and I apologise if I seem dramatic or anything but it just seems after months and months of trying to contain everything, it's all just come to a head now. I've been able to speak to my parents and girlfriend over the last few days which has at least helped. This has been a very soppy post and as such I apologise to anyone who has managed to read it all the way through! 
 

Hopefully I'm not too much of a burden to the people following this thread, but as a fairly regular reader, barely ever poster I thought I would finally contribute
Coming out of 2016, I can safely say it was the worst year of my life so far. Yes, time is arbitary, and the 365 days of 2017 aren't guaranteed to be any better, but it does provide a spell of time to quantify my feelings. 
I've suffered family loss, the break up of a relationship with the person I loved more than anyone else, the months of getting over her only for her to get in touch and subsequently mess me around whilst seeing someone else that she's now in a relationship with. 
All of this combined with being stuck in a job I hate and am probably overqualified for lead me to the pint of self destruct. 
During all this time I had to persuade myself (and take the advice of the people that care about me) to go to the doctors and speak to someone, and admit that the depressive feelings I had had been there for 6/7 years. What I thought was just part of my personality, who I was, was actually an underlying issue that needed addressing for years. 
The prescribed medication seemed to help me quite a lot. Whether that was purely a placebo effect or not is anyone's guess, but I wholeheartedly advise anyone feeling low to find someone to console in.
I guess, other than being able to get some stuff off my chest, that is the overriding point of this post. Don't ever allow yourself to feel like you're alone. There are so many resources available to help you and so many people that will understand
 
 
 

Hopefully I'm not too much of a burden to the people following this thread, but as a fairly regular reader, barely ever poster I thought I would finally contribute
Coming out of 2016, I can safely say it was the worst year of my life so far. Yes, time is arbitary, and the 365 days of 2017 aren't guaranteed to be any better, but it does provide a spell of time to quantify my feelings. 
I've suffered family loss, the break up of a relationship with the person I loved more than anyone else, the months of getting over her only for her to get in touch and subsequently mess me around whilst seeing someone else that she's now in a relationship with. 
All of this combined with being stuck in a job I hate and am probably overqualified for lead me to the pint of self destruct. 
During all this time I had to persuade myself (and take the advice of the people that care about me) to go to the doctors and speak to someone, and admit that the depressive feelings I had had been there for 6/7 years. What I thought was just part of my personality, who I was, was actually an underlying issue that needed addressing for years. 
The prescribed medication seemed to help me quite a lot. Whether that was purely a placebo effect or not is anyone's guess, but I wholeheartedly advise anyone feeling low to find someone to console in.
I guess, other than being able to get some stuff off my chest, that is the overriding point of this post. Don't ever allow yourself to feel like you're alone. There are so many resources available to help you and so many people that will understand
 
 
 

Hopefully I'm not too much of a burden to the people following this thread, but as a fairly regular reader, barely ever poster I thought I would finally contribute
Coming out of 2016, I can safely say it was the worst year of my life so far. Yes, time is arbitary, and the 365 days of 2017 aren't guaranteed to be any better, but it does provide a spell of time to quantify my feelings. 
I've suffered family loss, the break up of a relationship with the person I loved more than anyone else, the months of getting over her only for her to get in touch and subsequently mess me around whilst seeing someone else that she's now in a relationship with. 
All of this combined with being stuck in a job I hate and am probably overqualified for lead me to the pint of self destruct. 
During all this time I had to persuade myself (and take the advice of the people that care about me) to go to the doctors and speak to someone, and admit that the depressive feelings I had had been there for 6/7 years. What I thought was just part of my personality, who I was, was actually an underlying issue that needed addressing for years. 
The prescribed medication seemed to help me quite a lot. Whether that was purely a placebo effect or not is anyone's guess, but I wholeheartedly advise anyone feeling low to find someone to console in.
I guess, other than being able to get some stuff off my chest, that is the overriding point of this post. Don't ever allow yourself to feel like you're alone. There are so many resources available to help you and so many people that will understand
 
 
 

Hopefully I'm not too much of a burden to the people following this thread, but as a fairly regular reader, barely ever poster I thought I would finally contribute
Coming out of 2016, I can safely say it was the worst year of my life so far. Yes, time is arbitary, and the 365 days of 2017 aren't guaranteed to be any better, but it does provide a spell of time to quantify my feelings. 
I've suffered family loss, the break up of a relationship with the person I loved more than anyone else, the months of getting over her only for her to get in touch and subsequently mess me around whilst seeing someone else that she's now in a relationship with. 
All of this combined with being stuck in a job I hate and am probably overqualified for lead me to the pint of self destruct. 
During all this time I had to persuade myself (and take the advice of the people that care about me) to go to the doctors and speak to someone, and admit that the depressive feelings I had had been there for 6/7 years. What I thought was just part of my personality, who I was, was actually an underlying issue that needed addressing for years. 
The prescribed medication seemed to help me quite a lot. Whether that was purely a placebo effect or not is anyone's guess, but I wholeheartedly advise anyone feeling low to find someone to console in.
I guess, other than being able to get some stuff off my chest, that is the overriding point of this post. Don't ever allow yourself to feel like you're alone. There are so many resources available to help you and so many people that will understand
 
 
 

Hopefully I'm not too much of a burden to the people following this thread, but as a fairly regular reader, barely ever poster I thought I would finally contribute
Coming out of 2016, I can safely say it was the worst year of my life so far. Yes, time is arbitary, and the 365 days of 2017 aren't guaranteed to be any better, but it does provide a spell of time to quantify my feelings. 
I've suffered family loss, the break up of a relationship with the person I loved more than anyone else, the months of getting over her only for her to get in touch and subsequently mess me around whilst seeing someone else that she's now in a relationship with. 
All of this combined with being stuck in a job I hate and am probably overqualified for lead me to the pint of self destruct. 
During all this time I had to persuade myself (and take the advice of the people that care about me) to go to the doctors and speak to someone, and admit that the depressive feelings I had had been there for 6/7 years. What I thought was just part of my personality, who I was, was actually an underlying issue that needed addressing for years. 
The prescribed medication seemed to help me quite a lot. Whether that was purely a placebo effect or not is anyone's guess, but I wholeheartedly advise anyone feeling low to find someone to console in.
I guess, other than being able to get some stuff off my chest, that is the overriding point of this post. Don't ever allow yourself to feel like you're alone. There are so many resources available to help you and so many people that will understand