ronnieronalde

I do really worry about you Craig. I'm not sure you're in a positive environment. Easy for me to say based on what I read. Us humans are sociologically and biologically "social" creatures. Isolation affects me badly, even when I'm surrounded by people. I wonder if you're similar, but worse.
My post was a tongue-in-cheek bit of dark humour. I struggle with times/events that are supposed to be where you're in a group of family/friends, and probably winter itself.

Thank you for asking. 
I'm still not fully okay. I will admit things have got a little bit better now but things got a lot worse for me in the new year. When the festive period was over, I was able to speak properly to a mental health charity who dug a little deeper into what was triggering all this. Turns out, i had suppressed some trauma from my childhood so much that something inside me just snapped and bought all this emotional distress on. I was referred to the Crisis team who visited me at home a few times a week to check on my well being and to make sure i wasn't in any danger. I've now been signed off by these but have to wait 4 weeks until i can access CBT.
I've managed to do a couple of hours at work on the odd occasions, and i'm extremely thankful that my boss has been supportive throughout. 
I'm currently scheduled to have therapy sessions with 2 different charities as well as the fore mentioned CBT.
I'm by no means fixed and even as early as this morning i broke down in tears but i'm starting to edge towards slight normality. I'm now realising that there is help for me and the level of support i'm getting from my Girlfriend, Family and Friends is incredible. I feel like there's hope again. 

I know it's the Daily Mail, but Martin Samuel is football through and through, I thought his column on Sala today was bang on the money.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-6718009/The-time-Cardiff-care-money-Emiliano-Sala-died.html#article-6718009
 

I already hate the way our media are framing this. "Nantes Demand Sala Fee". Why is this even a headline or a story? Did people seriously believe that Nantes would just waive the fee out of respect? "Cardiff stall on Sala payment" would be far more accurate.

You are far too hard on yourself Ronnie. If you’ve rowed with me, I can’t remember or it was of such consequence that l have forgotten.  A bit of rough and tumble keeps the blood moving buddy, and I very much doubt that any of those you mention don’t respect you (they simply might not see eye to eye with you on a few things). Such is life. Hang tough, and keep posting.

Balderdash!
Looks to me like you're coping remarkably well with everything you've got to contend with this week.
You're a loyal worker and responsible parent, clearly. Stop beating yourself up for a minute and give yourself a pat on the back instead. Billy isn't going to be scarred by Cbeebies/whatever for a few days til you get back on your feet, fella.

I'm about to be a massive dhead (moreso than usual), so stop reading if you're particularly devastated that some people you didn't know died in a plane crash.
I just can't get over how odd the reaction in Cardiff has been to this tragedy. I completely understand any commemorations held by Nantes. These were people who knew the guy and were friends with him, but few people at Cardiff ever even spoke to him. Just imagine if this happened at your place of work. You're told the new sales director, Emiliano, will not be taking up the position as he unfortunately died in a road traffic accident. You never met him, but saw him once or twice when he was in for interviews. A week later you decide to thank the accounts team for putting in some overtime on one of your projects, "We did it for Emiliano" they earnestly reply. Everyone claps. Ian from the fabrication team is openly weeping. Would you not find this a little bizarre?

Don’t most employers pay death in service benefits? In my current Contract it’s 4 years salary 

Good lad mate, thanks 
For some reason on here, even though people know who I am in real life, I feel I can answer honestly a question my mates ask and I don't want to tell them the truth.
I'm ducked, totally ducked but I'm hanging on by whatever thread i can find each day.
To be wobbling this badly in public is horrible and I'm wondering how it's going to pan out IF I can fix myself. 
There are those who have little enough respect for me already, without me confining their suspicions.
I'm recordong A LOT of video where I'm talking to myself but story telling, dont know how or even if I'll upload them, it's therapeutic and it's there as an explanation IF things don't change
You're a top man for asking, I know a while back I rowed with a couple of people I didn't ever want to row with and you sage rynny and revel are high on that list .as is David who eve when I don't try, I offend.
Top people, top place irrespective of the negatives and some of those i caused myself.
Good luck today ladies and gents, I'd be happier to log on tonight with you through and us having beaten Bradford.

Good lad mate, thanks 
For some reason on here, even though people know who I am in real life, I feel I can answer honestly a question my mates ask and I don't want to tell them the truth.
I'm ducked, totally ducked but I'm hanging on by whatever thread i can find each day.
To be wobbling this badly in public is horrible and I'm wondering how it's going to pan out IF I can fix myself. 
There are those who have little enough respect for me already, without me confining their suspicions.
I'm recordong A LOT of video where I'm talking to myself but story telling, dont know how or even if I'll upload them, it's therapeutic and it's there as an explanation IF things don't change
You're a top man for asking, I know a while back I rowed with a couple of people I didn't ever want to row with and you sage rynny and revel are high on that list .as is David who eve when I don't try, I offend.
Top people, top place irrespective of the negatives and some of those i caused myself.
Good luck today ladies and gents, I'd be happier to log on tonight with you through and us having beaten Bradford.

Good lad mate, thanks 
For some reason on here, even though people know who I am in real life, I feel I can answer honestly a question my mates ask and I don't want to tell them the truth.
I'm ducked, totally ducked but I'm hanging on by whatever thread i can find each day.
To be wobbling this badly in public is horrible and I'm wondering how it's going to pan out IF I can fix myself. 
There are those who have little enough respect for me already, without me confining their suspicions.
I'm recordong A LOT of video where I'm talking to myself but story telling, dont know how or even if I'll upload them, it's therapeutic and it's there as an explanation IF things don't change
You're a top man for asking, I know a while back I rowed with a couple of people I didn't ever want to row with and you sage rynny and revel are high on that list .as is David who eve when I don't try, I offend.
Top people, top place irrespective of the negatives and some of those i caused myself.
Good luck today ladies and gents, I'd be happier to log on tonight with you through and us having beaten Bradford.

My foot is better and Christmas is done and dusted. I’m able to exercise frequently and have been for the last three weeks. Whilst I still have isolation and loneliness issues. I don’t feel like jumping in front of a truck right now. Thanks for asking x

I respect that posting on here is a very personal matter, and timing is to a degree affected by current state of mind. I would be comforted though if @AshfieldRam, @Moist One and @ronnieronalde might sometime soon let us know there is more light since the turn of the year. Good to see the latter two posting from time to time. Stay strong you Rams, and Ronnie!

Politisians newsreaders and anyone else who pronounces it negosiations.
ffs.  I've never heard any call it a train stasion.
You deliberately snobby twits. Theresa May was the first, now they're all at it.
 
Bunch of *****.

touche

Make the neighbours pay for it too!

It's all about adding tone innit. 
What I hate is people (if you can call them people), who write paragraph after paragraph without using a single full stop. 
I mean wtf is that about?!?!?!
These 'people' are the worst kind of scum.
That's not aimed at you @ramit.

Gutted for your colleague Wolfie, gutted that he feels that's all he has left but have controversial views on sectioning and the other bolded bits.
Sectioned for his own safety? Who gets to decide that is keeping him safe? What if It's prolonging an agony he doesn't want to feel, it's others judging that he's made a mistake in not wanting to carry on.
The bigger issue for me is that people are almost forced into taking their own lives because there isn't a place they can go to to give up with dignity. To stay "safe" until it's all over. What if it was all so overwhelming that he genuinely wanted to give up? Now he has "professionals" forcing him to wake up every day.
It's not illegal to commit suicide.
What if he was totally sane when he made the choice he made. What if he just couldn't take "surviving" anymore.
Now he's got professionals saying he's crazy, feeding him tablets. The same professionals by the way that your pal probably had to wait 18 weeks to try to get to see, making phone call after phone call to try to speak to someone, shouting so loudly they need help, then being told it's not the doctors fault.
Mental Health professional - Are you going to kill yourself today? 
Ill person - No. I don't want to do that. I just need some help
MHP - In that case we're too busy, we'll see you in 18 weeks and you've got our phone number.
IP - But I'm not well, I need some help.
MHP - Sorry about that, you're not unwell enough. We have a budget. We have other priorities.
Does anyone know how that makes an ill person feel? Even more worthless, even more humiliated, even more helpless, even more alone.
Talking to friends and loved ones? Yes if you're lucky enough that they understand but lets be very honest here. MOST people don't care enough to burden themselves with someone else's problem. Hell, everyone in the world has heir own problems to deal with. MOST people would prefer it if you didn't even bother. MOST people stop calling very quickly indeed the second you tell them you have problems.
"I spoke to my mate XXXX today, duck me but he did my head in  going on and on and on about himself and his problems, the selfish ducker, I only rang to wish him Merry Christmas and to ask how he was, he's proper spoiled my mood."
When was the last time you asked someone How are you? and genuinely cared about the answer? (I don't mean you specifically pal)
Help is there? Yes it is but not on the terms the person needs it. Not when the person needs. Not unless they take such drastic measures that someone HAS to take notice.
We'll help you but you've got to wait and in the meantime, that phone number we gave you to ask for help but then didn't help, give us a call on that number if you need our help.
Yeah that'll be right.
If he'd have succeeded there'd have been a procession of what a lovely bloke and we didn't see the signs.  Then the world keeps spinning, no major outcry, people keep on going without him. It's what we do.
Poor bugger. I hope he finds calm one way or another.

Brilliant mate, all you can do under the circumstances. Well played.
I'm not having a go at anyone on my post, although reading it back it looks like I am.  More just a typical soap box post from me when things don't go the way I want them to go. For others as well as me. Most of my rants aren't selfish rants. I want things to be better for everyone and anyone.
It's not the professionals fault they don't have the resources. I've not spoken to anyone who I think is or would be happy to turn someone away. The folks in the industry I think are on the whole, wonderful people who would help anyone with anything they could. You don't go into a profession like that unless your heart is in the right place.
I'm not even having a go at the mates who don't know how to handle it. Christ they're not trained to spot signs, the typical reaction though is come on sort yourself out. As if it were as easy as ABC.
It really is the silent killer and until and unless we can somehow find more cash to fund more resources it's not getting any better.

Brilliant mate, all you can do under the circumstances. Well played.
I'm not having a go at anyone on my post, although reading it back it looks like I am.  More just a typical soap box post from me when things don't go the way I want them to go. For others as well as me. Most of my rants aren't selfish rants. I want things to be better for everyone and anyone.
It's not the professionals fault they don't have the resources. I've not spoken to anyone who I think is or would be happy to turn someone away. The folks in the industry I think are on the whole, wonderful people who would help anyone with anything they could. You don't go into a profession like that unless your heart is in the right place.
I'm not even having a go at the mates who don't know how to handle it. Christ they're not trained to spot signs, the typical reaction though is come on sort yourself out. As if it were as easy as ABC.
It really is the silent killer and until and unless we can somehow find more cash to fund more resources it's not getting any better.

I don't have the knowledge or relevant experience to comment on much of your post but I find this bit harsh - or just very sad, if it's true.
I'd like to think that most people would be able to spot the difference between somebody just having a good moan and someone who's struggling mentally with day to day life. My point is that the onus is on the sufferer to reach out (hate that phrase) and ask for support from those close to them.
Your opinion is that most wouldn't care. Fair enough but I would beg to differ on that....and I know you weren't aiming it at me.
By strange coincidence, while my work mate was fighting with others outside the bar in Grantham that night, I was sat inside catching up with another former colleague who I'd bumped into. He was telling me how he had a breakdown last year and is coming out the other side but had contemplated killing himself also. We were never that close when we worked together but we connected over a couple of pints and a laugh that night and I made him promise that he'd stay in touch and especially if he found himself struggling again. I just hope he does.

I returned to work today to the news that one of my colleagues had tried to kill himself late on Christmas Eve and has been sectioned for his own safety.
Normally a lovely gentle giant type of bloke, he was behaving strangely at our work do on the 21st - being the life & soul of the party from the start and then very aggressive towards some of the others as the night went on - both of which are out of character. We all thought at the time that he was just getting drunk quickly but apparently he'd been battling his demons for months but only his wife knew.
Of course all us colleagues who would describe him as a friend are now looking for the signs that we missed along the way but there really weren't any until that night and even then, we just put it down to drinking too much & too quickly.
It's been said on here before but, for goodness sake, just talk & share your problems with those close to you - or strangers if that doesn't appeal. Help is there but you'll probably have to make the first move.
I shudder to think what two young kids almost woke up to on Christmas morning. I'm sure it was bad enough as it was.

Sorry to read this latest chapter Ronnie. I am very lucky to have a loving, close family, and one good friend who helps me cope with the anxiety that l regularly suffer from. A week in Tenerife with the wife has just been a fantastic tonic, but as time rushes headlong towards the 2nd of January l am again finding myself heading to familiar “anxiety territory”. Most fortunately, which l am very grateful for, my life has not been brutal or full of traps so l know even when I am at really low points how lucky l am compared to a good many. I hope 2019 brings you more than just sun and solitude. I wish peace of mind for you as l do for myself. Take care.

The book really is the gift that keeps on giving. duck me but times like this I wish I'd never met Brian at all never mind picked up a pen to write about it. I'd have been better of as that shitty little kid running away from everyone. At least then I knew who I could trust. No-one.
Kick after kick after kick. Maybe it's karma. I certainly deserve some of it. For someone who keeps trying to convince himself he's a decent lad, something is clearly not stacking up.
If this latest "partner" pulls the plug I'm going to be emailing the few of you who gave me support an email copy of the book, a thank you card and whatever cash you gave. I've honestly had enough, I'm sure the few of you who gave me cash, probably feel the same way.
At least it'll be a limited edition, very limited, there are 37 of you and 19 of those are family and ex family who probably didn't even want a copy in the first place.
I'll know by January 3rd, maybe earlier and if it goes the way I'm expecting, then I'm off for that long walk I promised myself I'd go on once it was out. Somewhere, anywhere warm, dry and even quieter than where I am now.
Considering I've physically spoken to two people since December 18th, and one of those was the food bank vicar, it's going to be a special place I need to find!!
Life, brutal and full of traps, christmas or not.
 

The book really is the gift that keeps on giving. duck me but times like this I wish I'd never met Brian at all never mind picked up a pen to write about it. I'd have been better of as that shitty little kid running away from everyone. At least then I knew who I could trust. No-one.
Kick after kick after kick. Maybe it's karma. I certainly deserve some of it. For someone who keeps trying to convince himself he's a decent lad, something is clearly not stacking up.
If this latest "partner" pulls the plug I'm going to be emailing the few of you who gave me support an email copy of the book, a thank you card and whatever cash you gave. I've honestly had enough, I'm sure the few of you who gave me cash, probably feel the same way.
At least it'll be a limited edition, very limited, there are 37 of you and 19 of those are family and ex family who probably didn't even want a copy in the first place.
I'll know by January 3rd, maybe earlier and if it goes the way I'm expecting, then I'm off for that long walk I promised myself I'd go on once it was out. Somewhere, anywhere warm, dry and even quieter than where I am now.
Considering I've physically spoken to two people since December 18th, and one of those was the food bank vicar, it's going to be a special place I need to find!!
Life, brutal and full of traps, christmas or not.