Cisse

Apologies if this has been posted already - this is on Derby RSPCA website and in their latest newsletter (out today to supporters).  Nice tribute to B4.
https://www.rspcaderby.org.uk/news-events/memory-daniel-beavis

This is something that I still am a bitter about. When I was a kid I was told in the history class that the good thing about the WWII was that if some crazy person tried to start the same kind of war that Hitler did it would not be possible because the other countries would interfere and stop that. 
Then the 90's started and the war of Yugoslavia started and people got massacred. Now it is happening in Ukraine and Russians are already thinking of making it worse.
As a kid I believed that we were going to be safe from all of this. Although I also believed when I was told that Pluto was a planet.🙄

This is something that I still am a bitter about. When I was a kid I was told in the history class that the good thing about the WWII was that if some crazy person tried to start the same kind of war that Hitler did it would not be possible because the other countries would interfere and stop that. 
Then the 90's started and the war of Yugoslavia started and people got massacred. Now it is happening in Ukraine and Russians are already thinking of making it worse.
As a kid I believed that we were going to be safe from all of this. Although I also believed when I was told that Pluto was a planet.🙄

This is something that I still am a bitter about. When I was a kid I was told in the history class that the good thing about the WWII was that if some crazy person tried to start the same kind of war that Hitler did it would not be possible because the other countries would interfere and stop that. 
Then the 90's started and the war of Yugoslavia started and people got massacred. Now it is happening in Ukraine and Russians are already thinking of making it worse.
As a kid I believed that we were going to be safe from all of this. Although I also believed when I was told that Pluto was a planet.🙄

This is something that I still am a bitter about. When I was a kid I was told in the history class that the good thing about the WWII was that if some crazy person tried to start the same kind of war that Hitler did it would not be possible because the other countries would interfere and stop that. 
Then the 90's started and the war of Yugoslavia started and people got massacred. Now it is happening in Ukraine and Russians are already thinking of making it worse.
As a kid I believed that we were going to be safe from all of this. Although I also believed when I was told that Pluto was a planet.🙄

This is something that I still am a bitter about. When I was a kid I was told in the history class that the good thing about the WWII was that if some crazy person tried to start the same kind of war that Hitler did it would not be possible because the other countries would interfere and stop that. 
Then the 90's started and the war of Yugoslavia started and people got massacred. Now it is happening in Ukraine and Russians are already thinking of making it worse.
As a kid I believed that we were going to be safe from all of this. Although I also believed when I was told that Pluto was a planet.🙄

Thank you @Cisse

I wish you all the best. You have a lot to consider and it will be a stressful times for sure. One thing I advice you not to stress at this point so much is the size of your house. The kids will adapt so easily to the size of the house when they are little and there isn't a house too small to be filled with love.
 
 

That's really nice. I'm from Finland and that is a very good job getting Lapland to become live. I would love to see that one live.

I’ve been practising with the pastels. Starting to get better 🎨 

My recreation of my granddaughters chilling in the infinity pool, looking out to sea.

As I am currently indisposed with a sprained ankle, I’ve have had a go at pastel drawing. I would love to see other people’s art or crafts 🎨 🧶 🔨 

I wish you all the best. You have a lot to consider and it will be a stressful times for sure. One thing I advice you not to stress at this point so much is the size of your house. The kids will adapt so easily to the size of the house when they are little and there isn't a house too small to be filled with love.
 
 

I wish you all the best. You have a lot to consider and it will be a stressful times for sure. One thing I advice you not to stress at this point so much is the size of your house. The kids will adapt so easily to the size of the house when they are little and there isn't a house too small to be filled with love.
 
 

Pull up a chair, this will be a long one.
Me and my wife Leanne have been together 8 years and 5 months, we have been trying for a baby for around 6/7 years. Nothing happened. Leanne has been desperate for our own little baby and seeing friends around us start families has been hard for her.
It’s been hard for myself as I later found out it was probably my fault following a sperm test.
Just before Covid we went to explore IVF options where I was given a sperm test, the results were basically I have swimmers, just not enough to put me in the “normal” range. Not impossible I could get Leanne pregnant, just harder than it would be for others.
Covid landed, lockdown, all non essential treatment and hospital appointments were cancelled, so our doctors asked us to come back once life returned to normal.
Fast forward to August 2023, we returned to the doctors knowing the clock was ticking, Leanne turns 40 this year and would already be classified as a “geriatric”, whilst myself a slightly younger Des O’Connor.
Anyway, they started testing Leanne, she was all clear, I was given another tube to fill and arrange an appointment with the hospital. Contacting them I was told there is such a backlog, we would be waiting until the new year, side note, we’re almost April and I’m still yet to receive a call back.
As I have mentioned elsewhere, October 27th our great nephews moved in with us under an emergency kinship fostering placement, since then we have been undergoing various assessments and training.
We go to the fostering panel to be confirmed foster parents on April 11th.
We was also willing to go down the SGO (Special guardianship order) route which would see them stay with us until they were 18.
Now, this is an important bit. We live in a small 2 bedroom house, me and Leanne looked at it and said maybe this is our calling, maybe we just weren’t meant to have our own and threw ourselves into the boys creating a special bond.
Monday 12th February, 2024, Leanne woke me up in tears saying we need to talk. My eyes had barely adjusted to the daylight before a positive pregnancy test was thrust into my face.
What. The. f***.
We quickly went to Morrison’s to buy another one, just to double check, this time a digital one. Both ClearBlue so super accurate.
The pregnancy was confirmed, 2-3 weeks it said.
We hadn’t bothered to be “careful” as we figured it was never going to happen naturally, but it had so now we was left with a huge dilemma. The boys were meant to be our future now. But it’s a 2 bedroom house.
It completely took the shine off what should have been the happiest time of our lives, Leanne’s family were also not fully invested into the joy with concern over what would happen to the boys.
After a few emotional discussions into the early mornings, exploring all possibilities, we ultimately decided to let social services know that we cannot be considered as long term placement if needed.
At this point and to this day, their mum is still waiting on her assessment to see if they can ever be returned.
We could not abort, we could not move as we have a small amount of debt that would prevent us getting a new mortgage for a much larger house.
March 9th, we visited the midwife who dated the pregnancy from Leanne’s last recorded period December 18th. A 12 week scan was booked for 21st March however she was told that she would be 13 weeks by then.
Sickness, tender breasts, the lot, this was all very real.
The wait for the 21st March seemed like forever.
The weekend prior, Leanne had very very light spotting and discharge which freaked us both out, quick call to the midwife and told not to worry, just come in if it’s heavy bleeding and she’s in pain.
On the 20th, I had a tattoo appointment, super excited and determined to bring some positivity to a stressed out wife, I get “Daddy” inked on my neck, at the neckline of a t shirt.  I was uncontrollably excited by this point.
Next morning we go in, soon called into the Ultrasound room, I bounce in rubbing my hands joking just the one please.
Monitor boots up, Leanne laid back with the biggest smile on her face unable to see the monitor.
I look up and the gestation sac is empty.
All life inside me just melted.
The midwife asked when we last took a pregnancy test, to which Leanne responded and was then asked if she would be happy to have an internal scan.
Whilst the midwife left the room I was in a daze, taking pictures of the screens.
Internal scan complete, we was simply told to get ourselves ready and we will be shown to the counselling room.
Both in tears, we was led away and left to sit in this room for half hour or so before another midwife appeared giving us 3 options.
Let it come out naturally.
Take medication to force it out which can be super painful.
Or surgery, which is a vacuum basically which sucks it out.
Period of silence followed and we was shown out the side door, absolutely devastated.
We sat in the car park at a complete loss. I had the announcement board ready to go, bought the little lamb rattle, we had it all planned and it was over.
After an hour we went home, packed our bags and basically ran away for the weekend leaving the boys with their Nan. We couldn’t face being “parents” surrounded by toys at this time.
Work were great, signed us both off with paid leave.
The weekend was spent crying, drinking, walking, crying.
We returned Monday, still an emotional mess but able to function at least.
The hospital rang asking if we had made a decision, on Tuesday Leanne booked the surgery for the Wednesday. That Tuesday night went to visit a friend who was questioning the dates, could they be wrong, is it earlier than we think, ask for a second scan to confirm.
On looking at the scan, the gestation sac was 1D 25mm, 2D 29mm and 3D 29mm. I’m googling sac sizes at 1am and see that is 8 weeks. 5 weeks earlier than what we was told.
Leanne’s now questioning if she forgot to record a period I said look, we’ll ask for a confirmation scan to be sure.
That morning, we go into SDEC (Same day emergency care), nurse calls us in, Leanne breaks down so I take over asking for a confirmation scan. They were great and said of course, booking us in for April 2nd.
I would have declined the 1st for obvious reasons.
We’re sat here now 99% believing we’ve lost the baby, however we need that 1% of doubt clearing away with this confirmation scan on Tuesday. Even a scan at an earlier date should have shown more than just the gestation sac and yolk sac.
I’m back to work on Monday, needing some normality back in my life, although Tuesday after the scan won’t be much fun.
This week that’s just gone, Wednesday 27th, the Boys mum had her assessment heard at panel, we’re now just waiting to hear from the social services to see how that went and would they be returned or not.
We have some difficult decisions ahead if she doesn’t, as now Leanne’s “oven has been warmed”, we’re desperate more than ever for our own little baby, yet fully aware Leanne turns 40 in a couple of months and I’m 42 myself.
It really needs to happen now, or not at all. Seeing Cameron Diaz having her second at 51 years old the other week, not sure how I feel as the old you get the more our bodies begin to tire and develop issues where running after children becomes more difficult.
All family options for the boys have been exhausted, so it’s either us, their mum or adoption. Being 2 and 3 they are the prime age to be adopted yet we would never see them again and that would f’in hurt, especially if me and Leanne are not successful in having our own.
I'm sharing this as men don't like to talk and when 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, many men will have been in similar situations and struggle in silence. Whilst the woman will ultimately bare the most pain and need the most support, it still f'in hurts....a lot.
So yeah, coming on here reading how Paul Warne is a terrible football manager, being 2nd is pure luck and all the rest of the negative hyperbole just hasn’t been at the top of the list to absorb. 
More to life than football has never been more true.
You know the old saying though, behind every successful forum owner, behind him is a team of amazing moderators. Big thanks to them for carrying the load whilst I spend time supporting the wife.

About time!

A little bit of Daniel at Pride Park forever ❤️ Give him a wave when you pass the east stand 🐏

I had three months sick leave for stress in 2019. I was being treated appallingly by a new boss at work. I did my job with nothing but praise for eight years and suddenly I couldn’t do anything right. Counselling didn’t help at the time. I left my job without another job to go to. The experience left me with really bad anxiety. I had another breakdown in October 2022 from the same issues. My doctor was great and I started medication and was referred for CBT. It wasn’t effective enough, so I went on to trauma counselling, which was great. It really helped and I turned a corner in June last year. Without this help I don’t know how I would have got through Daniel’s death. My mental health is up and down at the moment but I think I just need time. I only took 10 workings days bereavement leave including the funeral which wasn’t enough but after my previous work experience, I didn’t want to ask for more time. My boss was very kind and supportive and work sent me flowers. Colleagues have been very supportive too. People with genuine mental health problems need to be supported and not be treated as a government statistic. 

It’s a hard week. Daniel’s brick is being laid at PP this week. Daniel loved owls, so I bought a small owl ornament for the brick. Trying to distract myself with work but it’s hard 

My first thought was 'False Flag' too. Nothing would surprise me.

If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Yes, I had a birthday announcement for Wednesday. Thank you ❤️

The Wheel of Darkness by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. I love this series.

In no particular order
Hill Street Blues
Colombo
MacGyver
X-Files
Little House on the Prairie
Magnum
House
Bonanza
Band of Brothers
St Elsewhere

In no particular order
Hill Street Blues
Colombo
MacGyver
X-Files
Little House on the Prairie
Magnum
House
Bonanza
Band of Brothers
St Elsewhere