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King Kevin

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  1. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from EtoileSportiveDeDerby in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  2. Clap
    King Kevin got a reaction from TramRam in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
  3. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from 1967RAMS in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  4. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from TramRam in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  5. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from ramit in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
  6. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from ramit in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  7. Like
    King Kevin got a reaction from 1977 Ram Raider in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
  8. Like
    King Kevin got a reaction from ram1964 in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  9. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Gritstone Ram in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
  10. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Steve How Hard? in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
  11. Like
    King Kevin got a reaction from 1977 Ram Raider in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  12. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Gritstone Ram in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  13. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Premier ram in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  14. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Mr. P in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  15. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from richinspain in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  16. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Tamworthram in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  17. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Wolfie in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  18. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from angieram in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  19. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from i-Ram in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
     
      These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
      in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
      the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
     
      ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
      WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
      ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
      WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
      _______________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
      WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
      WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
      WITNESS: July 18th. 
      ATTORNEY: What year? 
      WITNESS: Every year. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
      WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
      ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
      WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
      _________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
      WITNESS: I forget.. 
      ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
      WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
      ____________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
      WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
      ___________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
      WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
      WITNESS: Getting laid 
      ____________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
      WITNESS: Yes. 
      ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
      WITNESS: None. 
      ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
      WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
      WITNESS: By death.. 
      ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
      WITNESS: Take a guess. 
      ___________________________________________ 
     
      ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
      WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
      ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
      WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
      _____________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
      WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
      ______________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
      WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
      WITNESS: Oral... 
      _________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
      WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
      ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
      WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
      ____________________________________________ 
      ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
      WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
     
      ______________________________________ 
      And last: 
     
      ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
      WITNESS: No.. 
      ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
      WITNESS: No. 
      ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
      WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
      ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
      WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
     
     
     
  20. Cheers
    King Kevin got a reaction from Coneheadjohn in What Are You Listening To?   
    You have excellent taste young man.
  21. Clap
    King Kevin reacted to Coneheadjohn in What Are You Listening To?   
    I was just going to post that ?.What a voice.
    Love this track.
  22. Like
    King Kevin reacted to Coneheadjohn in What Are You Listening To?   
    I liked the Steve Aguri stuff and I love Jeff Scott Soto but Steve Perry has got a voice that gives me goosebumps.
    Love Arnel’s YouTube story though.
  23. Like
    King Kevin got a reaction from Coneheadjohn in What Are You Listening To?   
    Yep,a lot of people  still see Steve Perry as Journey and he had /has  a great voice ,but this track ain't bad at all.
  24. Clap
    King Kevin reacted to Coneheadjohn in What Are You Listening To?   
    Ahhhh,cheers.
    Absolutely love Journey and I’ve seen them with Arnel but I honestly haven’t listened to much of his music,pity it’s all ended up with them sueing each other.
  25. Haha
    King Kevin got a reaction from Bob The Badger in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)   
    A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'. 

    His wife replies 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother'
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