My addiction vlog

[Mafiabob]

3 minutes ago, davenportram said:

the hard part is accepting those you cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Always ?

[EssendonRam]

1 hour ago, Mafiabob said:

Thank you so much.

I would have highlighted the whole  paragraph there, but the procrastinator I am (very common behaviour in addiction) I just highlighted the end part.

Im going to GA tonight and if you don't mind I'm going to share this post at start of the meeting as I'm likely to be chairing.

Like the serenity prayer says. I'm trying to have courage to change the things I can.

If I could have kept my compulsive behaviour in check and enjoyed my betting, I would. Now I have to go to GA to keep it in check.

Thank you ?

No problem. Share away to your heart's content.

Regarding the serenity prayer, I first became aware of it several years ago when I drove a good friend to NA years ago (he unfortunately died from an overdose after one relapse too many several years ago after fighting his demons for a very long time) and it struck me.

Its one of those adages whose clarity and simplicity is its strength; in many ways, it is a statement of the obvious but the tricky bit is to apply when you most need to. After my mate died, I had it translated into Latin and tattooed.

[Mafiabob]

2 hours ago, RamDon said:

No problem. Share away to your heart's content.

Regarding the serenity prayer, I first became aware of it several years ago when I drove a good friend to NA years ago (he unfortunately died from an overdose after one relapse too many several years ago after fighting his demons for a very long time) and it struck me.

Its one of those adages whose clarity and simplicity is its strength; in many ways, it is a statement of the obvious but the tricky bit is to apply when you most need to. After my mate died, I had it translated into Latin and tattooed.

? Sorry for the loss of your mate.

Im going to get it tattooed eventually too

[EssendonRam]

3 hours ago, Mafiabob said:

? Sorry for the loss of your mate.

Im going to get it tattooed eventually too

Thanks. Very kind. Without sounding cold about it, it was 10 years ago next month. He tried his best; his workers and I did our best to give him the best possible chance to make it. As often often happens with these things, he was clean for a full year before his last relapse - the length of which logically is probably what killed him although I must admit I had always wondered if he just gave up - and for more than half of his last five years. That was a lot longer than he had 'clean' for a long time. For several reasons, I carried around a lot of guilt when he died (quite unfairly I might add) and it wasn't helped by his family choosing to reclaim him in death, deny him a funeral and the chance for his workers and his remaining friends to acknowledge him. His father's acknowledgment that I had lost a good mate and had been exceptionally loyal was to send his ex-girlfriend (who I had always got along very well with until then) to pass on abuse for putting a death notice in the paper. But his workers, one in particular, were amazingly generous in helping me process all of that. The bear I bought for his daughter with the story attached he asked me to make sure to Courtney knew and understood if the worst happened was thrown in the garbage bin. His mum sneaked a call to apologise a few days later but, to be honest, I was probably relieved she didn't.

I was emotionally spent by that time.

I often still think what might have happened if he'd made it. That it would be good to know how Courtney is and how she sees her dad now....but this is an example where the serenity prayer helped me.

Families are entitled to grieve as they see fit. That I thought it might reinforce the toxic streak in their family saddened me - for them and for Ryan - but there was nothing I could do to influence it one way or another. By that stage, I had to ensure I didn't also fall victim in the aftermath.

 

***

By the way, Bob, I can send you a photo of an accurate translation of the serenity prayer into Latin if you're interested.     

[Mafiabob]

12 hours ago, RamDon said:

Thanks. Very kind. Without sounding cold about it, it was 10 years ago next month. He tried his best; his workers and I did our best to give him the best possible chance to make it. As often often happens with these things, he was clean for a full year before his last relapse - the length of which logically is probably what killed him although I must admit I had always wondered if he just gave up - and for more than half of his last five years. That was a lot longer than he had 'clean' for a long time. For several reasons, I carried around a lot of guilt when he died (quite unfairly I might add) and it wasn't helped by his family choosing to reclaim him in death, deny him a funeral and the chance for his workers and his remaining friends to acknowledge him. His father's acknowledgment that I had lost a good mate and had been exceptionally loyal was to send his ex-girlfriend (who I had always got along very well with until then) to pass on abuse for putting a death notice in the paper. But his workers, one in particular, were amazingly generous in helping me process all of that. The bear I bought for his daughter with the story attached he asked me to make sure to Courtney knew and understood if the worst happened was thrown in the garbage bin. His mum sneaked a call to apologise a few days later but, to be honest, I was probably relieved she didn't.

I was emotionally spent by that time.

I often still think what might have happened if he'd made it. That it would be good to know how Courtney is and how she sees her dad now....but this is an example where the serenity prayer helped me.

Families are entitled to grieve as they see fit. That I thought it might reinforce the toxic streak in their family saddened me - for them and for Ryan - but there was nothing I could do to influence it one way or another. By that stage, I had to ensure I didn't also fall victim in the aftermath.

 

***

By the way, Bob, I can send you a photo of an accurate translation of the serenity prayer into Latin if you're interested.     

? Sounds like he had a hell of a lot of demons going through his head.

Yes the serenity prayer, sometimes you can't change things, whatever we try and do. For me it's the single most important quote I live by every day. I would love to make amends with a few people, but there's no chance of that happening. 

You sound like an unbelievablely selfless person, and you should be proud of how much good you did to try and keep your friend on the right road. 

Sometimes as an addict, we tend to forget, at the start when everything comes out, that we are passing the burden of our problems to somebody else. I can only imagine the guilt others felt on my behalf for the problems I've caused. Luckily, I'm doing my best to make amends..... I think 9 and a bit years down the line I hope I'm regaining that trust back. One day at a time.

As for the tattoo, yes would like to see a picture if ok?

[Mafiabob]

Part 3 uploaded now if anyone is interested. Talking mainly about trust and honesty for someone coming clean. 

 

[Mafiabob]

Part 6. I talk about being honest to family/partner, FOBTS where I actually defend the bookies, and struggling to pat myself on the back. Parts 4 and 5 are on my YouTube channel.

[Mafiabob]

On 18 September 2016 at 21:28, Mafiabob said:

Part 6. I talk about being honest to family/partner, FOBTS where I actually defend the bookies, and struggling to pat myself on the back. Parts 4 and 5 are on my YouTube channel.

Bump

[bigbadbob]

14 hours ago, Mafiabob said:

Bump

And grind ?

[Mafiabob]

Part 7 in the can..... feel free to ask any questions about this part and any others 

[Boycie]

Could you pick better pictures for  your link?

[G STAR RAM]

@Mafiabob very interesting to hear your thoughts on FOBTs. I am involved in the gambling industry and know so many that are opposed to them. 

 

[Mafiabob]

36 minutes ago, G STAR RAM said:

@Mafiabob very interesting to hear your thoughts on FOBTs. I am involved in the gambling industry and know so many that are opposed to them. 

 

I'm not against them. End of the day a bets a bet to me. The bookies have to make money. It's me who has the problem with gambling. It was me who was using my cash to gamble. No one forced me too. 

Its why I can't ever back campaigns to ban them etc. 

Only thing I would change is better regulation with adverts. After 9pm etc. Part 6 of my vlog would be best for you to listen to

[Boycie]

What's a fobt anyway?

[GeneralRam]

1 hour ago, G STAR RAM said:

@Mafiabob very interesting to hear your thoughts on FOBTs. I am involved in the gambling industry and know so many that are opposed to them. 

 

What is it that you do? My first job out of uni was programming FOBT games.

[GeneralRam]

1 minute ago, Boycie said:

What's a fobt anyway?

"Fixed Odds Betting Terminals", it's them touchscreen gamblers you see in the bookies with a £500 jackpot. They are limited to 4 per bookie and it's how the bookies make all their money (They make nothing in sports betting these days).

[Boycie]

Just now, GeneralRam said:

"Fixed Odds Betting Terminals", it's them touchscreen gamblers you see in the bookies with a £500 jackpot. They are limited to 4 per bookie and it's how the bookies make all their money (They make nothing in sports betting these days).

Them fruit machines by the doors?

[GeneralRam]

3 minutes ago, Boycie said:

Them fruit machines by the doors?

Not fruit machines like pub gamblers. But them 5 reel ones you see in the bookies. They are completely random unlike pub gamblers (which are programmed to pay out when they've taken a certain amount) and are like electronic crack to gambling addicts because of how fast they take money.

[Boycie]

24 minutes ago, GeneralRam said:

Not fruit machines like pub gamblers. But them 5 reel ones you see in the bookies. They are completely random unlike pub gamblers (which are programmed to pay out when they've taken a certain amount) and are like electronic crack to gambling addicts because of how fast they take money.

Jeez, they sound bad. Have they banned the  position by the door now then? I heard a report once that mentioned the positions of these things being a big factor in them being used.

[GeneralRam]

33 minutes ago, Boycie said:

Jeez, they sound bad. Have they banned the  position by the door now then? I heard a report once that mentioned the positions of these things being a big factor in them being used.

What do you mean?

I only know of one restriction which is that bookies are only allowed to have 4 FOBT terminals within a building. That's why you see multiple bookies on the high street, so they can fit more of these machines in there. You have better odds at winning the lottery than the £500 jackpot in some of these games (although more little wins are paid to offset this obviously).